To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Well, he's a selfish fuck, isn't he.

I'd be absolutely fucking livid if my DH did this. YANBU. Lock the door and leave the key in. Wetting the baby's head is one thing, but fucking off out the actual day your wife comes home with your newborn, and leaving you without a word or responding to messages is totally and utterly unacceptable.

OP leave your key in the locked door, he won’t be able to unlock it then. Leave a note on the door telling him he’s staying at his mums until you decide whether you want him back again.

I had one like this, he rotted away and died in his early 60s. The children were relieved, as was I.
I hope this man comes good OP, but dont let him drag you all down, get out if you need to.
Let his mummy put up with him.

Send him to his mum’s when he gets home. And he can stay there until you unlock the doors. Can someone come to give you a hand?

When do you get an extended time away from home to celebrate your newborn?

Of course his mother would take his side. It's appalling that you are just out of hospital and your DH can't stick around to support you.

Unacceptable behaviour! He should be prioritising you and your newborn baby. Try and relax and focus on your baby rather than him. As others suggested, put the keys in the door and go to sleep. congratulations by the way!

Kindly, it’s nothing to do with her though - were you hoping she would bollock him and order him home?

He’s still not home and he’s still not answering his calls or messages

Put your key in the lock.
If you have a chain put that on.

Can you put the chain on??

Locking him out seems counterproductive - he has a legal right to be there and if he comes home to find he can’t get in, surely he will just go and stay with a mate and you will be even more stressed.

Hopefully his mates will be long gone and it will be a right pain to go to their houses

He sounds way too immature to be a father. You have every right to feel angry and very let down. These early days are so very tough even with a supportive partner. I hope things improve OP but if not don't hesitate to reach out to your midwife, health visitor or Women's Aid for advice and support.

We don’t have a chain but I think I’ll leave my key in the door, is it ok for me to lock him out of his own house though?

Can you put a deadbolt on the door or put your key in the inside lock so his doesn’t work?

Apparently this is the legal position in the UK

• Safety Risk: If a drunk husband poses a threat to your safety or your children's safety, you should prioritize safety and consider obtaining a protective order.
• Property Rights: If you both own or rent the home, you cannot simply lock him out legally in most places, even if your name is the only one on the deed.

Not legal, no

Yes! Absolutely!!!!

He can go to his mums. He clearly has no interest in new baby.

How old are you both?

What kind of a relationship is it that you have to ring his mum to get her to tell your husband to come back home? This isn't how mature adult relationships should be.

Of course he is entitled to celebrate but the decent thing would be to be around to give you to time to settle at home with the baby first. If he is out drinking all this time he'll be useless to you until he has sobered up.

Lock the doors and let him go back to his mum permanently.

Edit: I just read how old you are. I was expecting teen parents too.

Wow the first night home with a newborn?? Spectacularly selfish. I would be beyond angry. What an appalling partner and father.

He’s entitled to enter his own home unfortunately

OP I am so sorry you're experiencing this. How old is your other child?

What time did he go out?

I cannot actually believe someone would do this to their wife. You've just given birth and you're looking after two children on your own, on your first night home. While he goes out and gets pissed!!

My fiance is 27 now. When we had our first child (together), he was 23.

I was in hospital for 5 days (induction, very complicated, painful, stressful etc).

I barely slept the whole time.

The SECOND we got home he pretty much ordered me to bed and said he would look after baby so I could get much needed rest. I slept until the next day and he did everything.

It was his first child, first experience of all this, and he still knew what the right thing to do was.

I'm really sorry your DH still hasn't learned to do the right thing by the time second DC has come. He could at least be fucking present for God's sake

My first night home my husband cared for the baby solo while I was passed out exhausted from what I'd just been through. At the very least he should be up in the morning without a hangover so he can take care of the older child while you sleep/take care of baby.
Your partner is selfish and uncaring.