To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

OP is making him feel trapped? What utter nonsense. Clearly OP is not locking him in, and it's not as if he even bothered to ask if it would be OK with her. No man with a shred of decency or morality would think of going out on the lash in these circumstances.

Worth having a go though before writing him off. Could prove to be a diamond in the rough and all that.

Obviously she would do it by mistake as she is very tired

This is so awful. Do you have family or friends nearby who could either come stay with you and tell him to go back to his mum's until he's grown up, or pick you up? You need taken care of right now, not all this added stress.

Talk with your health visitor and have her speak to him.

That it has happened once, on this day of all days, is enough. Any other day, maybe but not today.

This must be his foul mother you are replying to

DP going to vote Reform. We have never agreed on politics, but this is just shit. I don't know how I feel about him tbh. Im voting Green. I have said please dont tell anyone, i would be mortified! Don't really know what I'm asking here. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others think.

Don’t put the key in the lock. He’ll likely wake the whole house (and your neighbours) trying to get in. But I’d leave him a note saying he has to sleep on the sofa. And tomorrow, he better be the most sorry, grovelling husband ever!!!

Create your own post, don’t jump on this one.

So what are you suggesting in practice?

But. let's face it, who's going to arrest the mother of a newborn baby?

I think you posted on the wrong thread.

Yes whats going to happen? He wakes up the street so they all know he’s raging drunk the night his wife had a baby? He calls the police and they look at the 24 h old baby and the drunk man and their faces say you fucking twat?? There is no scenario where the op gets in any trouble for this whether it’s legal or not.

100% this. What an absolute prick he is, and his mother running interference for him. Ugh.

Its not a police matter, its a civil matter.

If he called the police they would see the state of him and actively encourage him to leave. If he kicked off he would be arrested, not the OP. Then he would need to go to court to get access to the property, it has nothing to do with the police.

It’s absolutely fine. You say you locked it to feel safe and didn’t realise your key was in it, because you were exhausted with giving birth and distracted by the baby crying. This is all completely reasonable!!! I’d be planning the bonfire of everything he owns for when I was physically a bit more capable so it sounds like your husband is a lucky man for not being married to me.

This is a fucking unhinged thing to say to a freshly postpartum woman.

Our other child is 3 years old x

I am a suggesting that it isnt a "ahh its just one off! Let him be!" situation when the OP literally just left hospital with a brand new baby that she birthed.

Its a "tear him a new one" situation.

We all go out and lose track or have a few too many (often both) but doing that on the evening of the day your wife and newborn have been discharged from hospital is so wrong I am amazed that anyone can find any way to be an apologist about this!

So sorry about your first night home from hospital. Your partner has been very selfish and probably shouldn't be around a newborn. As for his Mum, just ignore

Why do I smell a man who will say "I didnt see the divorce coming" with the caveat "my mum said what I was doing was fine".

He’s still not home and he still isn’t answering any calls or messages. His WhatsApp says he was active 5 minutes ago but he hasn’t read any of my messages all evening.

YANBU

What an utterly selfish and disrespectful man.

Though hardly surprising, given his mother’s reaction. What a dreadful woman to have as a MIL and grandmother to one’s children.

He clearly doesn’t love you. Suggest you act on that accordingly.

He’s been out since 4pm

Oh gosh it gets worse. He is an a grade asshat. Lock the door and let him sleep on the doorstep. So sorry this is happening to you OP x