To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Wow.
What an awful, selfish thing to do.
I'm so sorry @Coffeecherrymama

This wont improve. He's shown you who he is.

That’s horrible. It’s what men used to do back in the 1900s… wetting the baby’s head. It’s no longer acceptable to leave a woman, newly postpartum and in pain to go drink.

Desperate behaviour. You should be together with your newborn and DC. It really is unforgivable the first night you and baby are home.
Your DH probably won't be home tonight OP.

Put your key in the door and go to bed. He doesn't deserve to be let in. Selfish horrible man.

the reason he acts like that is because of his mother, thinking he can do no wrong. and at 25 i am afraid he isn't mature and your going to be fighting a losing battle with his immaturity and his mother in his corner.

He's a total arse.

He'll be no use tomorrow either because he'll be hungover.

I would settle yourself down with gorgeous new baby, in the spare room if you have one, and just stay out of his way.

You and your baby deserve better.

Did I mention he's an arse?

💐💐💐

(I'd also be tempted to ring his mum when he does eventually get home, if you're awake, just to let her know he finally turned up. But that's just me, and I have no fucks left to give).

Hell yes! He forfeited the right to sleep at home tonight when he prioritised getting drunk with his mates over settling his newborn child at home and supporting his wife.

It wasn't even that it used to be acceptable to leave a newly postpartum mother home alone with her newborn to go and wet the baby's head. When this was a common practice women also stayed in hospital with a new baby for a week or two. Older kids would be with a grandmother, so new fathers were at a loose end.

OP - leave your key in the back of the door. Text your DH and tell him to go and sleep at his Mum's house so that he doesn't come back and disturb you in the middle of the night. Consider making that a permanent arrangement tomorrow, and ask your Mum, sister, or a good friend to come and give you the support that your DH is clearly unable to provide.

He’s entitled to enter the house though, even if he is a total cunt

Yes of course you can. If you think that is for the best and you know he has somewhere to go (mum's, friends, etc.). I would be tempted to leave a note telling him where to go though, as otherwise if he is drunk he may just stand outside your house shouting to be let in, which will stress you out more. A note on the door saying go to your mum's/brother's/friend's house may help.

Don't worry about the "legal" situation. He isn't going to sue you or call the police. This isn't the kind of thing to get divorced over, but teaching him a lesson to pay you and your baby some respect could avoid more problems later.

Whatever happens, tomorrow calmly tell him that he is allowed to see his friends but you need to know that he will put your kids first, and then let it go. He has made a mistake tonight, but people do that.

you can always pass it off as an accident… baby brain plus exhaustion plus no help.. little mistakes are bound to happen!

I don’t think it’s illegal to put your key in the door and then be asleep when someone comes home so you don’t hear him knocking

YANBU this is ridiculous. And I’m usually big on everyone should still get their nights out after a child, I posted in a similar thread today that I don’t see a problem with husband going out when baby was 10 weeks, but first night home is mind blowing. Congrats on your baby!

Just wanted to add a message. My DH did this when DS2 was 2 days old. My dad went with him.They all got really pised, and my dad drove them home. DH invited his friend to stay over, he was sick in our sink. They all woke me, DS1 and DS2 up.
I didn't trust anyone else to look after them.So how to put them, both back to bed at about three am.
It's the one and only time in our 26 year old relationship that I slapped him.
I am never that slappy person. And he has never been a twat like that again. DS2 is now a lovely grown up and we all got past it well

I'm only saying this because you're husband is usually decent. As is mine.

Around here wetting the baby's head is it tradition that all of blokes I know, have done. It's a stupid tradition, but it's considered very normal.

What an absolute twat he sounds. Sorry.

It doesn't matter- what is he gonna a do to his wife who is a new mum- report her?!

If she wants to lock him out- let her.

Maybe it'll be the wake up call he needs.

I’d be fucking fuming!!! What a selfish prick!!

Even if someone is legally entitled to enter their family home, I don't think one night spent sleeping in their car or on their mum's sofa will do them any harm, if it teaches them an important lesson.

The OP's DH is still young enough to learn.

Good point well made! Accidents do happen in that situation…

He’s a lazy cunt, not a child that needs to be trained though. Sadly I don’t think any amount of training would help 🙄

Stop clutching your pearls. She has said this isn't what he's normally like. He messed up big time tonight but it doesn't have to happen again.

“is it ok for me to lock him out of his own house though?”

Yes. Under these circumstances I think I would tbh.

His mum may be thinking back to when she was having children when she would have spent the first few nights in hospital and there was no problem with the father going out to celebrate. When it's your first night home and, I assume, you gave birth very recently, going out should be absolutely out of the question. His dickhead friends shouldn't be facilitating this, either.

True but he really “deserves” a night out apparently so he should literally stay out of his home if he and his mum think that.