Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

Maybe I am mean but I wouldn’t give this a second thought. My god we give these teens so much of ourselves and our money! Even if they did want to go tough luck! Dd2 quite wanted to come on my recent holiday but didn’t get to hey ho.

Woman here! 🤔!

So it’s ok to call SS?

He’s a twat and you only get what you deserve!

You are getting a really hard time here - from all the perfect parents

being a single parent is tough. I def don’t reliese how hard and tiring it is and I don’t get any overnights/free time due to his behaviour /safe guarding

you booked a good deal holiday expecting them to be at school. But term dates changed

you arranged for a nanny to come who the kids know to supervise them an make sure home isn’t wrecked

I’ve been that nanny when parents went skiing tho kids younger

ex sounds an arse. They always are. Esp the rich ones who don’t went pay for their kids but equally don’t want to see them and can’t even manage one night a week

the vagina reply literally made me spit out my cuppa

you are allowed time off being a 24/7 solo parent with your partner of 5yrs and have holiday of your choice (sounds hell to me, prefer sunbathing)

as long as also take kids away as well which I’m sure (hope) you are doing

have a fab time

Every time I see "Man here!" now I just think it must be someone larking about. I might be wrong though.

Walking boots? Sounds to me that you're not going to have much time to break in a pair of walking boots ....

Holy fuck! I Feel Your Pain OP!!!!!!!!!!

I am probably way too late to the party OP (and what a blast it has been!), but I have whiled away some of a sleepless night in reading your posts. I haven't read all of the replies, as some of them were causing me to be slightly hysterical.

So, I have to say that I have been astonished at the constant and repeated criticisms and questions posted by people who clearly haven't had the good grace to even THINK about catching up. You have the patience of a saint. Really.

Anyway, some thoughts.

Firstly, you must go on this holiday (and don't forget to pack your vagina, obvs). Do not let anyone push you into not going.

Secondly, take the kids. (Sorry, only joking - left the 'don't out.)

Thirdly, stick to your guns with the kids. They obvs can't stay on their own. I wonder if you can be strict on this one, which in turn might make any future plans easier. Just a thought.

Before I go, I do want to congratulate you whole heartedly in ditching the ex fuckwit. It sounds as though he's trying button pushing. I had a lot of that sort of nonsense from my ex. I didn't rise to it when possible which seriously pissed him off. It worked for me.

Take care and enjoy the holiday.

Doesn't sound like either of you will be up for any "parent of the year" awards anytime soon.

Ignore the men & their cheerleaders. This is post separation coercive control.

"The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 provides legal protection against ex-partners, extending to include post-separation abuse such as stalking, harassment, and coercive control. It legally recognizes that abuse often continues after a relationship ends, including economic and psychological abuse."

If you want to go in hard, log it with police. If you want to give him a chance to reflect & change, have a solicitor send him a letter pointing out the relevant parts of the DA Act.

Why?

What?

Honestly don’t give them air time. I’m not aiming for parent of the year but parent that is present and there. Go on your holiday. Not like your leaving the house with no food and your 17 yr old in charge

I hope you have an amazing holiday OP. I remember my parents going away when I was 16, my siblings and I had all the Good Ideas! My siblings were older teens/twenties before someone accuses my folks of being terrible parents!

My parents left me in charge of my younger brother when I was 14 and they went away. My brother decided to put a tin of spaghetti on the stove. He didn’t think to open it and put the contents in a saucepan. Luckily he was out of the room when it detonated, as the contents would have been like lava. There was stinking, burnt spaghetti in tomato sauce EVERYWHERE. Luckily he was much taller than me and was able to bleach the ceiling with a mop and bucket.