Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

This! Add in you no longer view them as babies and see them as young adults, who are capable of going without mum for a week as they have their own independent lives as well. This is just a week and the house sitter/nanny is there as a safety net not a 'babysitter'. Explain that if their dad finds this inappropriate that is more about how he views them not the actual holiday.

The reason you’re getting a million posters thinking your kids were supposed to be going, was because you wrote an OP making it sound precisely as if they were. It basically said ‘I booked a holiday when I thought they were off school, now I realise they’re not I’ve got a sitter’. The question burning in many minds would be why would you go from not needing a sitter to needing one if they were never meant to be coming in the first place. You only explained that, in a way which no-one could have guessed, later.

I don’t agree with a lot of the flak you’re getting, but you did write a confusing OP and that’s on you.

While I’m here, I’ve read all your posts and there is no reference so I don’t think I’ve missed it: are any of your children taking GCSEs this year? That was my first thought when I saw their ages and your reference to half term, which would be bang around exam time. But I suppose they might be in years 10 and 12. Or you might be in Scotland. Really surprised it hasn’t already been covered but I can’t see it.

Deary me, OP. There are so many people replying on this post with a serious lack of comprehension.
you have answered all of their comments again and again and several of them still don’t understand .
I would quit while you are ahead if I were you. Enjoy your trip anyway .

We went away for four days when ours were 18 and 15. We rang every day and by the second day, DS wailed that DD was "a dictator" because she was telling him to do the washing up and keep the kitchen tidy! 😂

That the kids were never going on the holiday, to start with, and that OP believed they were due to be at their dads while she away.

Just been away for 2 weeks myself to spend time with family overseas. Had a marvellous time. Zero guilt! To the pearl clutchers no late teens were harmed due to this trip.

For the record, none of them have any GCSEs or similar this year.

What part of this sentence in the original post suggests the kids were ever going?

"rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner..."

Jesus Christ, these replies 😂

Cancel the cheque ffs

Edit: enjoy your holiday OP

My ds managed to set porridge on fire i threw it outside and it set the grass on fire.....im not sure who needs the babysitter sometimes

Re the sponge pudding left in a pan to boil dry and explode over your fence. (Aka rattle pudding) If you take the lid and the bottom off the can (without slicing your fingers off!) and push the pudding into a china bowl using a wooden spoon. You can put it in the microwave for a few minutes to cook. Actually does anyone know where you can buy those sponge puddings? Tesco seem to have stopped stocking them.

Jumping on the bandwagon of idiotic things older teens do when left home alone, on one occasion mine upset a tin of dark blue paint in the garage, got it all over the garage floor, the driveway, wheely bin and downstairs loo. Absolute nightmare!
Definitely a good idea to have another adult to stay. Because you just never know what they might do, even if they don’t have a wild party.

My comment is I hope the eastern Mediterranean involves Sicily fantasic place to visit

Sorry, haven't quite read all of the replies, but the OP states that the 'babysitter' has already cared for them before, so not a complete stranger, and 2 of them are of an age that they could legally married / leave home!
(Have they told you that they are upset about you going away?).
Ex should butt out, but maybe book another little holiday with the kids to look forward to, that they have some input with choosing? 🌹

@Mostlywilliow What it all boils down to is that your ex can't stand the idea of you enjoying a lovely holiday with your partner.

@Theunamedcat how does one cause porridge to catch on fire???

Wow just stick to your guns OP what a capable woman you are. And the wisest thing is to have a house sitter to look after the house, make sure there is some decent food in show adult interest in teen children, time keeping, clean stuff etc . Sounds brilliant.
You are so so lucky except in the ex husband. I was in similar position once, but he buggered off paid nothing as I knew he would. He left his job made himself homeless( shacked up with woman after woman ) dumped the children I knew he’d do this to punish me. So I got bigger equity in the house knowing he’d never pay. Still I was the demon all his family blame me because they couldn’t face up to the kind of person he was. It had to be all my fault.

Have a fantastic holiday. Ex husband is not the only one who is jealous 😆

He has ADHD got enthusiastic about making his own breakfast read the instructions skipped the add milk park and put the dry powder in the microwave full blast my microwave was brand new it took forever to get the smell out 😂

🤦🏼‍♀️

@Mostlywilliow Are the children upset because you haven't booked a holiday with them yet? Maybe they're feeling left out and complained to their Dad, which he's capitalised on? Just a thought.

No and they’re not that keen on holidays anyway. Two would much rather stay online and hide like vampires. We went away before Christmas and despite the sunshine two hardly went out! Can’t please all the people all the time!

@Mostlywilliow It's really not worth planning holidays with teenagers who don't want to come. My DD (20) went through this phase and we just didn't bother, she wanted to be with her friends instead. Now she's a student and managing her own finances, however, she's much keener on holidays funded by parents.😆 In fact, she's suggested that she and I go for a mini break after her exams...guess who'll be paying?!

They might not like holidays, but you're going with someone else and teenagers can be fickle. I just thought it would be strange for their Dad to have that much influence over their thoughts on it at that age and maybe more was at play. Do they dislike your new partner? Whatever it is, teenagers are a minefield at the best of times without an ex partner to stir up the hornets nest. Good luck!

I have to say I agree that they are funny creatures.

"Do you want to go on holiday?"
"NO!"
"Ok, well I do so I am going to book a holiday with my sister/partner/vicar is that ok with you?"
"FINE"
"I am away from X until Y"
"What?! You are going away without me?"
"Yes, you said you didnt want to come"
"But that doesnt mean you can go without me!!!!!"