Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

Well if he was a good father he would take the week off to look after the kids himself.

I wonder if, one day, they will 'see' him and reject him.

I did with my grandmother. I would have been about 14 and she was ranting at my mother and I realised what a nasty, toxic old bitch she actually was and I pulled Mum out of there and away for a conversation that was like a dam breaking for my Mum who had been controlled and abused by her mother for years.

Same with my SIL. I had idolised her as a child (she and my Bro are both a lot older) but one day she was chuntering on and I realised how thick she was and by extension, what my brother's life was like living with her and I could never unsee it.

OP - your Ex is awful and you are completely reasonable. Your kids are barely kids anymore - having some around for emergencies / to make sure they don't run wild is sensible and when they complain about it I would suggest an honest conversation with them about the fact that its your house, your rules and what is their preferred option.

I know what you mean. I remember becoming completely repulsed by a parent seemingly overnight. I must have been about 11 or 12. I just suddenly ‘saw’ them for what they were and immediately lost all respect and whatever emotional attachment I had for them.

Hopefully OP‘s boys will have a similar experience, and come to appreciate how much better a parent she is than their useless, vindictive tosser of a dad.

Sorry - she bought the house out from him that was jointly owned and he barely sees the kids but still pays under the bare minimum of CMS. How did you read that as she took him to the cleaners. The dad is an utterly appalling father who is providing a bare minimum level of care or financial support for his kids whilst OP is left providing all the rest.

It’s probably more beneficial the children stay in school for the week? Please be careful when you get down from your high horse.

They would love that. Free party house for all.

Oh I know your ex. You must be my friend. He cheated and gambled and abused you and left you to look after the children alone while paying the mortgage which nearly broke you. Now you met that lovely nerdy guy and got that good job and you’re thriving and the kids are happy and doing great.

Or it’s just that there are so many of them and they’re predictable.
Have a lovely holiday.

Just get the sitter and go. Your kids don't need to have a say. It's only, what, a week?

Sounds like you totally deserve a holiday being default parent to 3 teen boys with a whiny ex

It’s only a sodding week! The baby sitter idea is a good solution even if they were ok you’ve got peace of mind. You wouldn’t want your trip marred by worrying.

Am I the only one who thinks these teen boys just enjoy seeing their mum, @Mostlywilliow turn as red as a tomato with fury as they wind her up by recounting what their dad supposedly said to them and sending videos of the food she’s bought?? 😆

Although op has well and truly got them back but getting a DBS nanny to stay with them for the week!!!

OPs ex is a bell end deluxe though.

So many men accuse women of 'taking them to the cleaners' when in fact, the men are too lazy to fight back or even get a lawyer so they are just passengers to the process.

My ex was like this. I divorced him because he was a cheating lying prick. He CBA to get representation and I got the house (having to pay him out). I'm sure he would say what you have said though.

He could have fought and possibly got a more equitable share. Who knows? Not me. I don't care. He just signed because - lazy.

While you are at it, OP, maybe you could cancel the cheque? Then change the dates of the trip, allow the kids to come on this holiday they have been looking forward to, check the dates on the council website, and book a real childcare professional that the kids have met before.

I’m sure we’ve all done it before (fail to read the OP’s own posts on a thread) but this thread really does seem to have brought out a whole lot of them!

Sounds like a good plan. The exh has two options - do the childcare himself, or be quiet.

Oh my god OP I really hope you've got some good blood pressure meds! The hard of understanding really are out in force in this thread. Have an amazing guilt-free holiday and work on developing a duck's back as far as your toxic XH is concerned. The kids will be fine and SS will have a good laugh.

And they are not small children. 15, 16 and 17. I was married at 17. They will be fine. Social services will certainly not be interested in this.

She bought him out. He’s pissed because she’s getting on with her life and enjoying herself.

To go on the holiday

Enjoy your holiday OP, it sounds ace!

Ex is definitely an arse, and I would have been (and was) left alone at 15 to look after house and dog, and absolutely loved it. Granted I wasn’t one for sponge pudding bombs 😅 just staying up a bit later and maybe not washing up until the morning 🙄

I don’t leave my cat with a stranger!

Whatever.its my opinion!!!

But you have got the wrong end of the stick @Zoec1975

Slowly re read the op

Yeah same 🤷🏻‍♀️

As you will have understood from reading the information provided by OP, no strangers were harmed in the concocting of this plan...

and the 3 teens won't be harmed by having someone they know in the house with them for a week to ensure buses to school are caught and that they "eat the rainbow" to ensure their deeply caring father isn't offended by their diet 🙄

Seriously, get a grip, they are not small kids. Plenty of of kids their ages don't want to go on holiday with their parents or even hang out with them.