Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

For goodness sake! OP is going to Europe for a week, she’s not deserting, neglecting or abusing her teenage children. Rather she’s modelling that being independent of each other occasionally is healthy, something they’ll be keen to experience themselves in the not too distant future. The DBS nanny means that everyone’s needs are safely met and the kids don’t have extra responsibilities whilst OP is away, not can they inadvertently get into bother. No doubt they’ll all be pleased to see each other after a week apart and the teens will be delighted with the duty free chocolate or whatever else OP brings home. Of all the things in the world to get on your high horse about, this is not one of them!

Have you actually read the OPs posts?

Not all kids go to state school. Private schools set their own holidays and they change from year to year. Not sure why that’s so difficult to understand.

Sheesh OP I'm sorry you are getting such a hard time here (after the first few pages I just decided to read your posts & see the comments you were responding to!)
For what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing (not that you need my approval!) and all sounds perfectly sensible. The house sitter is ideal for keeping a watchful eye/friendly ear whilst you are away and ensuring that your eldest doesn't have to act in loco parentis for your younger 2. Not neglectful or overbearing in the slightest.
Our 19 year old will be home alone again this summer when we go away and our lovely pet sitter is moving in for the D-dogs and D-cats...but also to ensure he doesn't burn the place down and has someone to chat to from time to time. I'm not particularly concerned about parties as he's not really the type and has a full time job involving unsociable shifts but the pet sitter has known us for over 4 years and I know she will check in on him and make sure he's not lonely about to poison himself from dubious cooking/gone off ingredients in the fridge
For those "perfect parents" on here that would never dream of leaving their kids, I wonder if they have kids the same ages as yours?! Also likely they haven't had to co-parent with a narcissistic coercive controlling bully!
Enjoy your hols!

Leaving 15,16,17 year olds with a baby sitter! I think the baby sitter will find herself on her own with the kids clearing off and staying with friends 😆

Omg this threads responses are hilarious. 2 of the kids are old enough to leave home smd get married. My generation were maiy in full time work at 16. She didnt need to get their known nanny in. The kids will be grateful she there to cook & prob taxi them for them. There at school all day and got homework clubs and then in their rooms gaming. Honestly no wonder all the youngsters are coming into workplace and acting so clueless. Bit of independence do them good. They are old enough to demand they stay either their Dad if so minded too.

My stepson managed to detonate 3 microwaves in a year at 15 lol. Heating beans in a tin.

😁😁😁

If they weren't meant to go anyway, Bugger the ex! He sounds a complete nightmare. If you were to take them, he'd not be happy either I expect? Or sounds that type at least!

It didn't say that in the original post did it? Not everyone lives in the same country either which is why I said I don't know where she lives. Not sure what's hard to understand about that?

OP, I have the following suggestions for you to become the best mum according to the MN critics:

• Dump your 'new' partner. You're not supposed to have company or (horror!) sex until your children are fully grown
• Do not ever leave them on their own for longer periods. Go along for anything - job interviews, dates etc. They will definitely benefit from their mother's presence
• Next holiday: you and the kids in Greece, 3 weeks in August. You'll visit every ancient ruin, every museum etc. In the evening you'll read the Odyssey to them (in ancient Greek). In the morning, you'll review the day before with them.

This, my dear, is how mothering is done when divorced! I'm sure your children will be eternally grateful, and you can turn up on MN whenever one of these divorced sluts wants to do something completely unreasonable (like go away for a couple of hours) and tell them how it's done

Have a fab holiday OP. Your plan is a good one and your ex is an unreasonable arse ( I have similar).

Some of the comments on this thread have made me despair for the reading and comprehension abilities of the posters.

She was never taking them as is clearly stated in the OP’s first post. 🙄

OP - I’m so sorry you are getting all sorts of mean messages because you have dared to go on holiday and arrange appropriate childcare.

For what it’s worth, my husband and I went on HONEYMOON for a WHOLE week and left our 16 year old and 9 year old with my in-laws. We’re terrible people. I should probably give the children up for adoption.

It’s like pulling teeth! 🙄😬😂

I mean, you basically did. You are so lucky you were given them back at the end of the week.

😁😁

We have a winner! 😂😂😂😂

You've spotted the ages, right? Because your post reads as if you're talking about three very young children.
Unless it's satire, in which case apologies and well played.

Nah.
I’d be first here to support a rant on sexism but I don’t think it’s relevant at all here, you are the main caregiver irrelevant of whether you have a minge or not
some of the posts calling you a bad parent are probs unnecessary
I do think your call for support that your ex is being an arse about this is probably misplaced, he sounds like a class A twat all in but that’s a separate issue.
youve mucked up, not with malice, but still, you’ve taken a pretty big risk booking that holiday in the first place with no guarantee of when the term dates were going to be and you’re kinda paying the price. It’s not the end of the world I guess that the kids stay with a nanny in principle but I doubt the whole thing is sitting very well with your kids that the holiday has become your priority over them
don’t know what the solution is, hope you can resolve it, maybe you have already if you can smooth things with the kids but while it’s easy to jump all over the ‘my ex is a c@nt’ line your kids I would say are VERY likely to have been feeling this anyhow so you need to validate their feelings

Send them to their dads for the week he’s got a car and he can take some annual leave problem solved xx

Man here!
Sounds like you’ve taken him to the cleaners, no wonder he’s pissed

Give over!

Loads in the UK use CSA, as that was what it used to be called

haahaha they are all teens Im sure they will be ok

Sorry, quoted wrong poster!