AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

[GoldenGran]

My Daughter and her fella have two kids. Nearly 3 and 6 months.

I will text her or she’ll text me sometimes it’ll take nearly a day for her to get back to me.

I know she’s busy with the children but a reply literally takes seconds. She can be dismissive towards me. She knows my bedtime is 9 and she often replies around that time. I think it’s because she knows I’m going to bed.

She is quick enough to phone when she wants something!

My husband doesn’t get why I’m annoyed by this! It’s rude isn’t it?

It has nothing to do with lonely, it’s about respect replying in a timely manner. Got lots friends who leave it days, they are not happy when it is done to them as you have left it over 24hrs to reply to them. It is a conscious decision not to reply unless they never look at their phones for days. My sister txted my mom who is 82 at 21.45 last night saying she might come to see her today. She had already had plans to meet me for coffee & do errands today. She replied later to my sister as phone no battery. As of yet she hasn’t got confirmation she is coming. You think that is acceptable? she did it at Christmas saying she was coming then not turning up, she didn’t even ring her on Christmas Day. Considering she is widowed poor show I say.

COME ON OP!!

Our "feelings are hurt by your slow replies to our messages" 😂

4 hours since your last message.

We've all been responding to you for hours.

Where r u OP?

Why are you not responding to us?

Please get back to us before 9pm - we might be in bed.

(Oh, the irony). 😂

On many phones you can read a message without opening it.

Because God forbid her attention is on her own matters and not all on you!
Seriously, have some empathy and understanding.
Obviously 9pm is most convenient for her as she will finally have 2 mins to herself to reply after the babies are (hopefully) in bed.
I mean the horror of it, she KNOWS you go to bed at 9:00, how very bloody dare she not put you first 🙄

And you had a mobile phone then? And expected to answer within seconds?
Come on, 30+ years ago, no one was expected to answer a text that quickly. You know that

As for sending you a message when you go to bed
You realise that
1- 9.00pm is early by anyone’s book. Why are you expecting her to adjust to yur lifestyle but you’re refusing to do the same for her?
2- she is contacting you when she can - aka two dcs asleep, she has eaten, cleaned the kitchen etc….
3- I suspect she doesn’t expect you to answer straight away - just like she doesn’t answer to yu straight away. Why do you feel the need to answer if you’re ready to go to sleep? Just wait until the morning. It’s fine

Did you have people constantly badgering you by text when your kids were little?

She has two kids and you’re not her priority clearly. Get over yourself

Reading, but not responding promptly. Imagine that!

Some people don't live on their phones. I don't. I clock notifications in case anything looks truly urgent, but tend to actually read messages and reply to them in the evening.

Yabvu. She's busy, has two young children and is replying when they are finally in bed for the night. Interesting that you don't think you should have to consider her very busy circumstances, but think she should be considerate of yours because you go to bed early. I can assure you she has nowhere near enough spare time to plan her messages to deliberately be inconvenient to you.

If my mother text me that she still wouldn't get an instant reply because I am not glued to my phone around my babies.

I pick up my phone to check my messages / emails when I have a chance.

Throughout the day my toddler is 100% full on and I am trying to keep on top of the house, keep on top of laundry, make sure the groceries are done, get to baby groups, maintain appointments, entertain and feed and bathe the kids etc. During the 45 minute nap my toddler has, I try to whip around and do a bit of housework and I might get a cuppa and to scroll my phone a few minutes before he wakes. But with 2 small kids it's not that simple...

My mother text me last night, I replied this morning! It wasn't me being rude... I made and ate dinner with the family, tidied up, bathed my toddler, got him ready and into bed. I then fell asleep putting the toddler.to bed (I am 7.5m pregnant, work full time, 3 other kids in the house so exhausted xome the evenings) and woke at 3am and saw her message from 7pm!

I would have missed out on the £1m in tiur scenario because I was busy not looking at my phone.

OP you’re being very unreasonable not to respond to our replies immediately…

Yes that was my thinking too. First chance to sit down and work through the day's stuff rather than answer on the hop.

Well done to you!!!

There you have it…

That’s why she takes her time and replies when you’re going to bed.

You don't have to go to bed at 9pm. You could "manage" your time differently to suit when your hard-pressed daughter has managed HER time to attend to (non-urgent) messages.

Yes, you managed your time but you weren't constantly interrupted by text messages were you?

Hey MN, I’m juggling with a baby and toddler and its often 9pm before I get a minute to myself to catch up on the day’s messages.

Then DM complains that she goes to bed at 9pm and doesn’t want me messaging her then. She wants instant answers whatever I’m doing.

AIBU to just give up answering altogether?

I see it as a good sign-she is fully present with her children rather than sitting on her phone

And this is why I turned read receipts off on my phone. The expectation of replying instantly to a non-urgent message.

I get a lot of msgs, from people I’ll
be seeing that day at toddler group, from my partner about picking up food,
from nursery or school.

All of those are a higher priority than a message from my mum about nothing in particular.

This is pretty much what I was going to say.

My sister is like this. We both have two young kids. I either reply straight away or leave it in read until bedtime but it’s a running joke to get a reply from her you have to wait 3-5 working days. Honestly if it’s that important we phone her if it’s not we wait, it’s not that deep people are busy. Is it important/urgent messages she is ignoring or are you hoping for daily communication. Not going to lie replying within 24hr from a mum with 2 young children is really good. Also definitely isn’t rude you just aren’t her top priority which I feel is your real struggle here

I did the same, because I got sick of the "Thanks for reading and not replying" passive aggression.