AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

[rainershine22]

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

My cars been broke, my home isn’t the best but I’d never ever ask anyone for 4,000 like what on earth. No you are not being unreasonable he is for asking

No repayment plan mentioned- sounds like asking for a gift not a loan.

Don’t do it. Either give him the money with a smile and never mention it again, or just say NO. Lending money to friends and family is fraught with difficulty and rarely ends well.

My mum taught me this
never a borrower or a lender be!

your not a bank do not lend especially large sums of money to a friend sounds likely you’ll not get that back

I really am curious now as to what the money is for!

For him to essentially harass an old acquaintance for a large sum of money suggests a degree of desperation. I agree with the others that think it maybe gambling.

So I have an update and it's not a good one.

As I said in previous posts, I'm not a social media person. Don't do the whole Instagram/Facebook thing - so I'm not 'current' with friends/acquaintances. A mutual friend told me this. He's started a business and gave up his corporate job. He is now WFH and self-employed. Friends suspect this was to get out of paying child support as he has listed his income as near 0, but obviously makes SOME money. He does pay for his kids to go to private school, so obviously that money has to come from somewhere, but the new business wasn't a sustainable one.

Some of the dealings are public info - and it looks like it will be dissolved soon.

The consensus is he likely can't pay his bills. He asked mutual friends to get involved in the business - they all said no. No one else was asked for money. I'm glad I stuck to my guns - and glad I didn't give any money to someone who was willing to stiff his own children (their needs anyway) and the mother of his children.

Don't lend people money unless you can afford to write it off if they don't pay it back. I mean financially and emotionally afford it. This is how people end up falling out and it's not worth it. Just say no

Given your most recent update you have definately done the right thing. Not your problem to solve. Why do you think he targeted you for the cash and no one else?

Do you mean your friend asked you to lend a large sum of money?

You might want to downgrade him from friend to rat bastard.

This.

Nor me.

How pathetic. He'll probably phoenix it and start another ltd to get out of the debts.

I am surprised he didn't ask anyone else for money - maybe some non-mutuals who he also doesn't see much.

Are you not able to ascertain that from the context of their post?
You should probably work on improving that skill. It's important to be able to read from the context what someone means.

I think it's because most of our mutual friends have children (school fees, allocated expenses). In fairness, I'm sure he has other/closer friend he may have asked - since I don't know literally everyone he knows.

I'm also sure he would have asked family members too - before reaching me.

I believe it's because I live solo in London and work for a tech firm that he thinks I'm rolling in it. When I'm so so so not!

I did ask friends to check on him and make sure he's ok mentally etc... as I did wonder if it was a case of his house being taken away or something. As of the time of writing, all seems fine and nothing has changed in his life - so I'm not sure what the big issue was.

There was no big issue. He just wanted to do whatever it was on your coin not his

It's a no. You cannot lend such a large sum of money without all the details amd some assurance it will be paid back
Certainly not.

I dont lend money, EVER.

I learned the hard way that it only leads to stress, upset and financial loss.

Say No