To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

You're not over-reacting, but legal actions can be protracted nightmares. If you take that route you might be prolonging the agony for yourself and making it more difficult to move on from.

I think it’s a total over reaction on your part. I disagree with the contemporary interpretation of physical interaction between people. I’m well aware I’ll be piled on for this in this new world where people can be indescribably vindictive with words, especially online, but never ever physical and so I don’t intend to read it. I think online weirdness is under appreciated as the evil it is

It’s assault, you could report it to the police, it’s your only recourse to take it further.

You should be piled on. You think it’s ok to be assaulted? Male or female? Geez.

I wouldn't do anything else. He apologised as did others present.
More context is needed to know exactly what response i would take - but if you were all chatting and joking and this was a playful attempt at being funny I would leave it.
If you were walking down the hall with client A chatting and during the walk.hitter came up behind you with no discussion and hit you with the intention of hurting you with no previous interaction. Then I would either never work with the client again or have a meeting with client to ask how they will keep me safe in future
Intent does matter in this instance - if it was intended to be playful or was it done maliciously.
The first isn't right but simply by you saying it wasn't ol and the fact they all apologised- your message was recieved.

The only thing you may want to consider is if you take it further, will it affect your professional reputation? Is it a small industry and could you be labelled a trouble maker? I’m not saying this is right but maybe something you will need to weigh up.

Wow.
This is really, really shocking.
Don't get me wrong here at all obviously men commit serious sexual assault whatever decade we're in but I thought that this Benny Hill - seque stuff was done with.

I just cannot believe that any guy would think he could do this in this day and age.
Any guy - no matter how repulsive knows not to do this any more especially with witnesses present?🤔

Fucking hell that guy must be seriously unhinged to do that in this day and age.

I agree with an above suggestion that calling ACAS would be a good way to start op.

Is the assailant an employee or a fellow freelancer?

If he's an employee, then I'd send a statement to his HR department as to what happened: sexual assault, misogyny, intent to humiliate, zero boundaries, no understanding of appropriate and professional behaviour, etc. Then ask them to apply their performance management and behaviour policies to him.

To me, this would be gross misconduct and a sacking offence.

What happened to you is appalling: I'm so sorry.

No amount of apologies in the room can address this. It was not a misunderstanding or banter, it was sexual aggression designed to demean a woman he likely felt threatened by. I would be surprised if this is the first time he's said or done something similar. You reporting his assault to his superiors may be an essential part of protecting other women: who knows who else is keeping quiet and accepting apologies to smooth things over and move on?

If I'd been in that room, I'd have ejected him immediately to keep you safe, provide you with support, and then get HR and his manager there to begin disciplinary proceedings. I would not ever have expected you to recover from the humiliation and shock with an apology and carry on with your service.

If I could hug you, I would. I am so sorry you were left to deal with this on your own x x x

This - you have just typed exactly what I wanted to say. Sorry OP. What an awful, stupid, hateful little man.

I think give it a couple of days to let your emotions settle as you are probably still in shock and I wouldn’t let that cloud your decision making.

Then in the cold light if day think about what you would like to do to help yourself going forward. Taking legal action is long and drawn out and may not help you get over this fast. Forgiveness on the other hand may help you move on a lot faster.

I know someone who out in a small claim against a hotel for an injury they had during their stay and years later while they were still going through it all really regretted ever starting the claim.

What the person did was stupid but not malicious. You very wisely explained that the behaviour was unacceptable at the time and the person felt remorseful and probably is unlikely to joke around like that with other ladies again in my opinion.

I just typed a long post but saw this pop up. This is what I was going to say. Go to HR and report him.

Check out the Worker Protection act - it updated late 2024 - all employers now have a duty to take all reasonable steps to actively prevent sexual harassment, including to, or by, third parties and contractors. Any good HR team should really have their minds focussed on this right now.

I am so sorry it happened to you, it's appalling!

I personally wouldn’t consider legal action because it’s a pita, but rather i would report it to their company, not work with them again and i would definitely speak to the police.

The actions of the other colleagues also weren’t good enough.

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, but I do think you handled it brilliantly in the moment, which is something that many victims of this sort of thing struggle - understandably! - to do. So well done. It sounds like he got quite a shock when you pulled him up on it, and the fact that the contractor (and other people) witnessed all of this means that his card will be marked.

In the same situation I don’t think I would take it any further, to be honest, as I think the stress and practical hassle of that would likely be to my own detriment. But I suppose other, more nebulous factors would also influence me - how old the guy is, whether he came across as a career-grade lech or rather somebody inexperienced with poor social skills, etc.

I think pp who said work out the outcome you want from this first is a good step.
I would be livid, shocked and shaken too op. Sorry this happened to you.
If you work out what you wohld feel acceptable to happen next then you can decide what the next course of action is. The action you take will detemine what happens next to you and this other person, so what do you want to happen?

Nothing wrong with making a non emergency call to the police. It is sexual battery as someone else pointed out. Will the do anything, quite possibly.

The employing company has liabilities whether he is a contractor or not too. Report it to the client (find a female to report it to that understands this behaviour is unacceptable) but be aware it may affect your future work with them, though I hope they value you enough that it doesn't. If it does there may be further legal recourse you could take...

So many people would see nothing wrong with what happened to you, but as women we need to fight misogyny and stop accepting this crap. My DH did it once to me at home. I ripped his head off and told him in mo uncertain terms if he did it again I would throw him out. It's utterly disgusting.

For those saying go to the police: bear in mind that this can have a range of outcomes. It is possible that the police will handle it really well. But I also know people who have been further traumatised by an inadequate police response.

This.

Agree with this. I think you’re overreacting. A swift “don’t fucking do that again” would have done the job.

That’s a lot of words to say you are fine with people hitting each other at work.

Report it to the police, it’s classed as sexual assault. There’s even a government scheme that would pay you compensation as a victim for this.

I agree. You let him have it verbally, and he apologised and probably felt incredibly stupid. I doubt he’d do it again.

It's a sexual assault.
It's not banter.
He did it for a sexual thrill.
You have witnesses, so you could report it to the person who hired him if you wanted to. If I hired him I would want to know.

Take it as far as you can. Police report and see a solicitor if the response isn't satisfactory. You may get the police to have a word, or get a solicitors letter that will show him you consider it serious.
This man needs to really understand that this isn't acceptable. He likely makes a habit of it and apologises if he has to the women 'with no sense of humour'. He needs to understand there are women out there who will make a big fuss so he'll think twice next time.