To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

Funeral director x not financial sorry I see that that's what most people read

I wasgoing to say leave it but since ge hasform i would speak to theowner and explain he shouldnt be offered any more work

You've made your point, everyone apologised. Don't waste more time on this.

I think the owner has already said he won't be offered any more work - but when there's a shortage of bearers who's to say whether FD will stick to this.

I think I would report to police. Not expecting any action and being clear that you understand that no action may be taken. But primarily because you want it on record. Not forgotten about over and over again.

I would absolutely report to the police and let them decide what the appropriate action to take is. I'm so angry that people are warning you off this with the idea it might affect your professional reputation - this is the sort of attitude that stops women speaking out and keeps on enabling men like this.

Legally, I think it's sexual assault. Report it online.

Utterly unacceptable, I would report this to the police, I find the minimising of sexual assault on this thread to be quite offensive.

It’s more than a dickheads idiocy in this day and age . If he thought it was ok to do that in a professional context he probably does much worse things to women outside of work . Regardless a message needs to be gotten through to him that he cannot treat women like this in the workplace . It’s not “idiocy” it’s disgusting , entitled , sexist behaviour and meets the definition for sexual assault.

Absolutely correct and a very good question.
I doubt you'll get a logical reason why it's fine.

I couldnt be bothered personally but then I put up with all kinds of shit in the 1980s at work.
I would have immediately given him a hard slap around the face and said oh "sorry" it was a gut reaction.

That’s not what I said at all and I think slapping someone’s bum is quite different to grabbing someone’s breast. If someone slapped my bum, or my daughter’s, then I would have done as others on this thread have suggested and told them to fuck off. If someone had grabbed a breast, my reaction would have been to slap them round the face or twist their bollocks, and also tell them to fuck off. But that would be the end of it if there was an apology and there wasn’t a repetition.

Of course slapping someone’s bum isn’t acceptable nowadays, but I don’t agree it’s the sort of serious sexual assault thst some people are making out on this thread. This happened in front of other people so it’s likely the man has already been reprimanded after the incident, and he will have realised from the OP’s reaction, and the reaction of others, that his action was not acceptable. It’s one thing to want to avoid seeing the man again at work but I think it’s a huge over reaction to take this further through his work and to possibly jeopardise his job, and quite ridiculous to consider going to the police.

Do you have a union ? I would go there . I don’t know if I would go so far as to go through the courts but I would certainly send some correspondence and I would get advice from a union or a solicitor about that

He hit her and that on a part of her body that is private!!! What is wrong with you?

To be fair someone who treats women like that in the workplace completely deserves to have his job jeopardised.

I cannot get the link to work but look up police officer in Scotland who was taken to court for touching a woman on her thingh on a night out. He also resigned before he was pushed. It's on the STV news pages.

What the hell did this man think he was doing to you? What would have happened if you had said nothing? Take it all the way. These low lifes do not deserve to make women feel vulnerable. Good luck to you.

As he is retired and just does the odd service here and there, theres not really a job to jeopardise

It's an assault. It's a difficult decision to make and I think it's the real test point re what progress women make in even expecting to be treated equally.We're still over analysing these types of situations and not simply reporting.

I agree that slapping someone on the bum would warrant a slap on the face and causing a scene. Oh yes.
Grabbing someone's breast though I would very much regard that as sexual assault and go to the police.

To me, the former could reasonably be seen as a badly judged attempt at humour, the latter most definitely not.
It is blatantly sexual assault.

I agree with the rest of your post.

Of course he doesn’t deserve to lose his job. It was the wrong thing to do but it was a smack on the bum and the sort of thing that women have been dealing with themselves for years and years. .

Are you joking ? If I was running a workplace I absolutely would not want a man like that on my team. He’s a liability. And he only has himself to blame

I can’t believe the posters minimising this assault. Women need to report any type of violence to the police.

There’s one force in England who are currently using female officers who go running with back up. They are warning men against behaviours such as hooting their car horns, shouting, wolf whistling etc.

@IneedAniffler was actually assaulted. This needs to be taken very seriously with appropriate action from the police. In your shoes @IneedAniffler , I would want officers to go to his home, interview him and give him a warning.

Mimimising the 'smacked bum' is absolutely shocking .

Cannot believe the apologists and minimsers on this thread.

Maybe to do with thread title? Replaced slapped arse with slapped face, slapped head, slapped thigh? It's disgraceful, illegal behaviour. No, we don't put up with it and no one ever should.

Its insane isnt it!!!

The reason it's being minimised is that some of us see that the guy could just have been trying to be funny.
An attempt at being humorous.

OK it's very ill-judged humour for sure.

A slap on the face, on the other hand, would never be seen as an attempt at humour. Never.

I'm unprepared to call a man a sexual predator on the basis of this.
A Neanderthal stuck in the 70s who doesn't realise this style of humour has gone, perhaps.

In any case, does any serious sexual predator slap someone's bottom in the circumstances OP describes?
Drawing attention to himself? Seems unlikely.

I'm not making excuses for him. He should be reprimanded for professional misconduct and upsetting OP at least.
Oh yes.

Of course he does deserve to lose his job.

I wouldn't waste my time with legal action. I'd report the assault to his employer and to the police. It needs to be recorded if there's to be any chance of stopping him assaulting a woman again.