AIBU to be angry he locked us in while ill?

[BeDandyFawn]

My husband has been away with work this week, he called me from the airport to say he was feeling unwell with a bug, he had fever, chills, upset stomach, headache and said he might even go straight to a hotel when he lands instead of driving the 40 mins home.
When he landed I got a text to say that he will stay in our self contained unit which we are very lucky to have, it’s right next to the house - bedroom, bathroom, TV, kitchenette.
He asked for the heating to go on, my daughter and I made sure everything was comfortable - we left a huge jug of water, glass, paracetamol and some Dioralyte.
I then went to bed and he then came across to the house - grabbed the kettle and then took the back door keys and locked the door from the outside leaving me, my daughter and her boyfriend locked in the house!!!
I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs, I know it sounds utterly pathetic but I do have a real issue that he doesn’t think of others and always prioritises himself. I text him to say how cross I was and he said he’s been vomiting, and poorly throughout the night. He said he locked us in and kept the keys in “incase he needed to access the house in the night because he was poorly”….he’s mid 40’s and has a sickness bug!!
I know this sounds like such a pathetic ramble but I am so cross that he would lock us in, we have a front door but it has steep steps and following a recent operation I can’t use this. I just feel there is no thought for us, he’s sick so everything revolves around him - I feel it’s so selfish, it’s like there is no consideration for others, he gets what he needs but it doesn’t matter about the rest of us.
Am I being unreasonable?

Can’t you open the door from the inside at all, or is it just that you don’t have keys?

Your reaction does sound a bit disproportionate, I’d expect your response to be ‘darling, can you pop back with the keys as we don’t have them here’. Or sent your DD over to get them as presumably she doesn’t have issues getting out of the front door.

I get that this might be a final straw if he’s always thoughtless, though.

It sounds like you may be overreacting a bit which suggests this is the latest act in a long running play. On the face of it, it is a minor mistake. Are you at the end of your tether with him?

No, I hear you. No one should be locked inside a house without means to get out easily. It was selfish of him and I agree that it was very inappropriate.

You need an extra set of keys.

This doesn't really seam like a big deal. He locked the door behind him, as opposed to leaving it open behind him all night? What was the alternative? He's slept elsewhere to protect the rest of you, and in a dire emergency you have another door... not ideal but unless you've had major surgery I'm guessing you could make the stairs if the house was on fire..

I appreciate however that from your tone this doesn't sound like an isolated incident... so maybe you're more irritated than you would be in isolation?

It is really dangerous to be locked inside a building, unless you have a separate fire escape.
You and your DD need your own sets of keys asap. There needs to be a spare set in a designated safe place. This is basic common sense.
Given that it sounds as if you don't have these basic things in place, what your DH did was potentially dangerous.
YANBU to be angry.
YABU to not have spare keys.

I've just read your other thread about this bloke and this is the least of your problems.

Just focus on leaving him, he's an abusive alcoholic.

Why is there only one key?

Surely grownups don't live like this.

So the others weren't locked in? They could use the front door. Its just you that cant. Not ideal, but not the end of the world.

On the face of it yabu. Is there a back story?

I take it his behaviour is now touch torch reaction now?. When you've put up with selfish or thoughtless behaviour for a long time your hackles go up quicker and then of course you're the one in the wrong 🙄my ex was ' his needs at all times '! No thought for the rest of us as long as his needs were met. By the end of our relationship, I was quite ready to stove his head in. Without him I actually found I'm not a constantly irritated quick temper person at all.

He locked the only exit you can use. If there had have been a fire, you could have been in real trouble.

As an aside, I'm well jealous you have a self contained unit to use though. I'd love something like that!

Do you have a front door exit?
Do you have spare keys?

The whole thing sounds really weird tbh. Are you sure he's not trying to cover up recovering from a massive bender?

He made a bad / daft decision in a moment when he was ill and dashing.

It's good that he thought of you and your Dd in keeping himself in quarantine.

Do you not have more than one set of keys?

If the place was on fire I bet you could use the steep steps!! Or your DH would have come and unlocked/

Irritating but I think you are over-reacting.

As a one off, it’s probably unlikely to cause an issue, but it should not ever be a repeated thing! Get spare keys, don’t allow the situation to happen again.

However, as a PP has pointed out that he’s an abusive alcoholic that’s probably the bigger issue.

just send your daughter there to get the key it's really not a big deal.

FFS why do people create threads without the whole context. It renders all the responses meaningless - a total waste of everyone’s time, including the OP

OK - I have read your other thread.

Did he actually throw his dinner at you?

is behaviour is horrible. He had no business treating his dd like that when she was home for a short visit, he is a dishonest lazy selfish drunken twat. Horrible for your dc to witness.

Tell him to live in the annexe permanently while your divorce is in progress.

Aside from him being an abusive alcoholic....yanbu to not want to be locked into your own home. Had there been a fire you'd have been in serious trouble

Your other thread paints a different picture.

Can’t one of the other people go out the front door and fetch the keys if he is too ill to bring them over?

It's something I can imagine I'd do, at night, feeling unwell, without really thinking it through.

What should he have done? Woken you to come and lock up after him? Left the door unlocked?

Are you sure he didn't just want to stay in the annexe so that he could get drunk?

Again?

I mean, he got form for this, hasn't he.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread, but he got on a plane feeling that unwell? I’m feeling very sorry for anyone in that flight that caught it from him.

He said he locked us in and kept the keys in “incase he needed to access the house in the night because he was poorly”

But he could already access the house, because he got in to get the kettle in the first place?

YABU to only seemingly have 1 communal key to a door in your house.

We have at least 3 keys to every door in our house!

Send your daughter or the boyfriend out round the front to get the keys off him. Don't you have two sets of keys? I have one set and my DH the other.