AIBU to be angry he locked us in while ill?

[BeDandyFawn]

My husband has been away with work this week, he called me from the airport to say he was feeling unwell with a bug, he had fever, chills, upset stomach, headache and said he might even go straight to a hotel when he lands instead of driving the 40 mins home.
When he landed I got a text to say that he will stay in our self contained unit which we are very lucky to have, it’s right next to the house - bedroom, bathroom, TV, kitchenette.
He asked for the heating to go on, my daughter and I made sure everything was comfortable - we left a huge jug of water, glass, paracetamol and some Dioralyte.
I then went to bed and he then came across to the house - grabbed the kettle and then took the back door keys and locked the door from the outside leaving me, my daughter and her boyfriend locked in the house!!!
I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs, I know it sounds utterly pathetic but I do have a real issue that he doesn’t think of others and always prioritises himself. I text him to say how cross I was and he said he’s been vomiting, and poorly throughout the night. He said he locked us in and kept the keys in “incase he needed to access the house in the night because he was poorly”….he’s mid 40’s and has a sickness bug!!
I know this sounds like such a pathetic ramble but I am so cross that he would lock us in, we have a front door but it has steep steps and following a recent operation I can’t use this. I just feel there is no thought for us, he’s sick so everything revolves around him - I feel it’s so selfish, it’s like there is no consideration for others, he gets what he needs but it doesn’t matter about the rest of us.
Am I being unreasonable?

WTAF, why don't you have a set of keys? My DH has one, I have one and and DD has one. (We also have a spare in the house and a spare in a lock box outside the house).

If it 'wasn't at all clear from the OP', then how did I manage to deduce it from her post?
To quote a line from the OP within the text of her post:
"We have a front door".

Because it had nothing to do with quarantining and everything to do with making sure that he couldn't be discovered doing whatever it was he was actually doing out there.

With steep steps OP can't use. I suppose technically it is a fire escape though.

I admit that am very aware of fire risk, probably OTT for MN. I worked with a woman who got herself and her children out of the back door literally with a few seconds to spare, they had no chance to even grab a bag or anything. The fire was between them and the front door. They lost everything except what they were wearing, so I suppose I tend to think of worst case scenario. I am really careful about keys always in the same place, we have a fire escape window upstairs.

Anyway, I don't intend turning this into an argument, so I will bow out now.

So he's staying in the self contained annex but came over just to spread his germs, take the kettle? Do you not use this? And lock you in the house?

I dont you're over reacting. You had been considerate and left him supplies. He wasnt considerate at all. He locked you in the house so that he could come and go as he pleased. Could HE not use the front door with the steps? Its not ok to lock someone in the house needing to contact you to ask permission to get out.

Being locked in your house means in the event of an emergency - such as a fire you are trapped until Emergency Services can break in to get you out, which increases the likely hood you're going to suffer from smoke inhalation and carbon monoxide poisoning and that's if you live through it. Get spare keys made and let him know that under no circumstances should he do this again. If he does I would start to be concerned for your safety.

You should not be locked into your home from any door. You have no idea which way you will be able to go in the event of an emergency.

So your daughter and her boyfriend can use the front door? So saying you're all locked in is massively ott. Do you not like your husband? He's been away and come home ili, sent to sleep separately and wakes up to you being annoyed with him..Hope he stays in the hotel next time.

Amazing coincidence, you don't sound very nice either.

The OP says she cannot navigate the steep steps at the front of the property following an operation. Which means he effectively deliberately trapped her inside as much as he would by taking away a wheelchair.

I wouldn't like somebody who did that, either, even without the bit about being an abusive alcoholic and liar.

You will have an idea of which way to go if you already know the back door has been locked from the outside by your husband and you can't get out of it. Then you go to the front door instead.
It's not hard.

And if you already know you can't go out the front door because of having had surgery or you live with a disability? Or the house is filled with smoke/the smoke is thicker and there's an orange glow that's more intense by the front door where maybe you might be able to hurl yourself down ten steps or more in the hope that you only break a few bones instead of succumbing to smoke inhalation?

It's very hard - and results in people dying in fires.

Some people live in flats or apartments and only have one front door. No other door. They're not all dying in fires.
The OP is not disabled.
And she can get up and down stairs:
"I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs"

No you will not.

Ah. So in fact nobody was locked in as they could all use the front door.

Correct.
Nobody was locked inside the house.
Sure, the back door was locked.
But they could just let themselves out of the front door.
So easy.

If you have full cognitive capacity, yes you will.

The OP took herself upstairs to bed, and then went back downstairs again. She states this in her post.
I don't believe that her steps leading up to the front door of her house are more steep than the steps on her staircase.
No house would be designed to have steps leading up to the front door that are even more steep than walking up a staircase.

So three adults. One set of keys????

It's very different getting down internal stairs, which tend to have bannister rails, are frequently carpeted (or are at least dry), are a standard height and width and can pretty easily be got down by shuffling from a seated position than it is trying to get down external concrete or metal steps, which can be wet, worn, wobbly and don't always have rails on both sides that can be reached to steady yourself with two hands, never mind if you need to use a walking aid or crutches.

When I was moving (following dislocating my shoulder and ankle from slipping on external stairs), I viewed lots of properties and the external steps made them entirely unsuitable - some were set into bare soil and sunk at different angles, some were far steeper than any internal stairs I'd ever seen short of a spiral staircase, some were cracked and separating, some had external lifts fitted - I finally moved into a house with a block paved ramp/path - and then realised once the build was completed that whilst they'd made a path at the front, the step down from the back door was 3 foot.

😂 what?! Of course they can! Probably not 'designed ' that way, more cobbled together over the life of the property.
We have difficult steps outside, some are really deep, some normal, all different widths. People with poor mobility tend to really struggle.

Anyway I think this thread has gone a bit weird. OP didn't say she thought he was abusive, or wanted her to die in a fire- she said it was inconsiderate and putting himself first with no thought for her needs. The sort of thing you might well feel if you had a date to meet someone in the morning, or an appointment, or errands to run and you couldn't (or were late) because some fuckwit had locked your only reasonable means of egress and taken the key.

Yes, in a life or death emergency she might be able to use the front door. But maybe the cost to her physically wouldn't make that reasonable in any but the most extreme scenario. Like, if she recently had a hip replaced and needs to keep a stable pelvis and hip position when walking, so she really shouldn't fuck her hip up by going down the front steps and won't take that risk for a dentist appointment, breakfast with friend or posting something urgent, but obviously would if it was that or death. That's the sort of time you might well feel really pissed off with your husband because they've ruined your morning.

No absolutely unacceptable- what if you had a house fire? You all burn to death because your DH might need access ?(which he wouldn't).
That takes selfishness to a whole other level- you are supposed to remain a human being (not become a selfish dickhead) even when you have a bug.
You need to call him out, and keep on about it until he sees how unacceptable this is.

.

How did he get in?

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I’ll be sure to let my firefighter husband know he can stop breaking into burning houses to drag people out, because apparently the experts on Mumsnet have decided that anyone with ‘full cognitive capacity’ can just calmly navigate a smoke‑filled building on their own. Fantastic news. I’ll also let him know that the annual training where they fill a building with smoke and make firefighters carry casualties out in full breathing gear is clearly unnecessary — because, again, Mumsnet has spoken. What a revelation. All these years of risking his life, and the answer was sitting right there in a forum thread. Incredible insight. Truly.