Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have called time on my marriage. A family of two halves.

335 replies

GeorgeClarkefan · 16/04/2026 15:18

I have called time on my marriage.

I love my husband who is a genuinely nice guy but it’s all the extraneous stuff that gets in the way. It’s his daughter, my daughter and our daughter and never the twain shall meet.

My eldest does not see her father or his family which is no fault of mine. I never expected my new in-laws to step up and they haven’t. They are always kind, and always polite.

My stepdaughter and younger daughter have many advantages which we simply cannot afford for my elder daughter. She doesn’t understand and gets upset.

I posted about the Disney debacle where it emerged that my MiL feels she can’t act normally around her grandchildren if my daughter is there.

Latest spat has come about because of an extracurricular paid for by MiL.

My husband has said that that is it and he is insulted and won’t beg me. He has walked out.

I am going to potentially lose some time with my youngest but I can’t go on like this.

My mother cannot look me in the face she is so angry.

OP posts:
Reachedout · 16/04/2026 20:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

InAPickle12345 · 16/04/2026 21:00

10namechangeslater · 16/04/2026 20:13

He doesn’t sound like a loss to me if he isn’t treating the kids the same!!!

Show quote history

He IS treating the kids the same… BOTH of HIS biological children!!!

PumpkinPieAlibi · 16/04/2026 21:03

It's easy to say that everyone should be treated equally when it comes to finances but I suspect the people who say this are not wealthy or are not expected to fund a stepchild's life to the tune of thousands. It's one thing to insist on equal birthday and Christmas gifts, same holidays etc and I agree that should be the case but where is the line drawn?

For example, what happens if you work hard all your life and have enough to provide a house deposit or university fees or a large windfall for your grandchildren? Would you really not give that to your grandchildren because your child married someone with a child and therefore, because you cannot afford to give your step grandchild, your grandchild loses out?

Would people, really, truly, honestly do that?

nearlylovemyusername · 16/04/2026 21:07

PumpkinPieAlibi · 16/04/2026 21:03

It's easy to say that everyone should be treated equally when it comes to finances but I suspect the people who say this are not wealthy or are not expected to fund a stepchild's life to the tune of thousands. It's one thing to insist on equal birthday and Christmas gifts, same holidays etc and I agree that should be the case but where is the line drawn?

For example, what happens if you work hard all your life and have enough to provide a house deposit or university fees or a large windfall for your grandchildren? Would you really not give that to your grandchildren because your child married someone with a child and therefore, because you cannot afford to give your step grandchild, your grandchild loses out?

Would people, really, truly, honestly do that?

Edited

I guess this sums it up

InAPickle12345 · 16/04/2026 21:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well yes, this is probably a big part of the problem.

BingoWings88 · 16/04/2026 21:09

nearlylovemyusername · 16/04/2026 20:48

They might not be even rich as such - Disney trip of a lifetime for ageing grandmother to treat her DC, several hundreds a year for DGCs hobby cost several grands, but we aren't necessarily talking about millions here. OP sees them as rich, but it's more likely that she's very poor herself.

DH doesn't seem to be strong willed here, he was bullied into marrying OP, can't put his foot down about girls treatment, so leaving him "a slice" of inheritance would certainly mean that some of it will end up with OP and her DC. She might even demand more for her eldest "to even things out".
It's not punishment, it's a sensible choice to protect DGCs. Who knows, he might get the same level of support as his sisters if OP follows through and divorces him.

Show quote history

He probably will!

It might be what he’s starting to realise and using today’s argument over a hobby to move on from OP and SD.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 16/04/2026 21:09

GeorgeClarkefan · 16/04/2026 16:17

My marriage is over. Husband feels completely insulted and told me there is no going back from what I said.

He says that he has been disadvantaged in relation to inheritance etc because he has a stepchild and not once asked to divorce but I now have, over a hobby.

My MiL does not control the situation but husband has a say and he feels that rather than have one advantaged I want both disadvantaged.

if I could withdraw younger one I would have her distraught while not helping elder one.

Elder one is completely distraught and my life is not worth living.

Husband feels inadequate in relation to stepdaughter as he cannot afford school fees so his ex pays and is insulting to DH even though this was her idea in the first place.

He doesn’t want gulf between his daughters but thinks it’s inevitable for a gulf between my daughters.

We can’t all go out and have a good time as stepdaughter only really wants to see husband and younger one. Last weekend he nipped her to his mother’s and younger one wanted to go in car and they ended up with nieces and nephew and MiL and SiL at this carnival thing leaving me and eldest twiddling thumbs.

j am utterly fed up.

"Husband feels inadequate in relation to stepdaughter as he cannot afford school fees so his ex pays and is insulting to DH even though this was her idea in the first place."

Are you expecting your husband's ex to pay school fees for your child too?

Optimist2020 · 16/04/2026 21:10

Is this the poster whose daughter inherited, I think £80,000 but her older daughter didn’t . Also, this same poster was upset that her daughter wasn’t included in a “photoshoot” with the other grandchildren and whose husband won’t be getting an inheritance to avoid the op making it “equal” between her daughters.
The difficulty is , if you allow a deadbeat to impregnate you and then fall lucky to then go on to have a child with a man from a wealthier background, things are unlikely to ever be equal between the half siblings !

InterIgnis · 16/04/2026 21:11

localnotail · 16/04/2026 19:50

But the problem is that they are not divorced at the moment, they are a family and live together? No matter how much the IL dislike it, the kids are all their grandchildren now. At least, this is how it works in normal families that dont split their blended children along the lines of "mine" and "yours". If they cant accept it then its best for OP to divorce so the IL can continue excluding older girl - but this time actually having grounds to do so.

Grandparents can fund the granddaughter - but they also should understand that its parents right to decide who is getting what, and to stop massive inequality between kids affecting the family. If I was the OP I would definitely knocked it on a head and only accept activities she can pay for herself.

In any case, seems like the OP wanted to be part of a wealthier family but it backfired. Having another child with her husband was a stupid move.

Show quote history

Actually it’s very common for blended families to operate more like this, rather than the ‘all in’ model that seems so popular on mumsnet.

OP’s daughter may be their family, but she isn’t their grandchild, anymore than OP as their daughter in law is their daughter. All the insisting in the world that she a grandchild will not make it true.

There’s also the added issue here that their actual eldest grandchild would likely react very badly to them ‘taking on‘ OP’s daughter, even if they were inclined to do so. They aren’t going to hurt and alienate their actual, and much loved, niece/grandchild for the sake of OP’s daughter.

PoppinjayPolly · 16/04/2026 21:18

Grandparents can fund the granddaughter - but they also should understand that its parents right to decide who is getting what
well yes… but as op never seemed to work out.. her word isnt law, and she’s not the final word on what their joint dd does.

Mumofoneandone · 16/04/2026 21:18

What a cruel woman your MIL is! Why can't she be grateful for a bonus granddaughter?!
Well done for standing up for your eldest daughter - she needs to know you'll always have her back.
I have 3 adopted cousins and never thought of them as anything other than my cousins. (Only really in contact with 1 of them now but that's nothing to do with the adoption......).
My 2 children have 'adopted' grandparents - who absolutely adore them and treat them the same as their own biological grandchildren. This is simply close family friends........

BingoWings88 · 16/04/2026 21:18

nearlylovemyusername · 16/04/2026 20:48

They might not be even rich as such - Disney trip of a lifetime for ageing grandmother to treat her DC, several hundreds a year for DGCs hobby cost several grands, but we aren't necessarily talking about millions here. OP sees them as rich, but it's more likely that she's very poor herself.

DH doesn't seem to be strong willed here, he was bullied into marrying OP, can't put his foot down about girls treatment, so leaving him "a slice" of inheritance would certainly mean that some of it will end up with OP and her DC. She might even demand more for her eldest "to even things out".
It's not punishment, it's a sensible choice to protect DGCs. Who knows, he might get the same level of support as his sisters if OP follows through and divorces him.

Show quote history

I can’t seem to find the thread about the Disney trip or OPs DM encouraging / forcing her to get married.

PoppinjayPolly · 16/04/2026 21:21

@Mumofoneandone cruel for not accepting being forced to pass her money on to a young adult who is no relation to her?

mumuseli · 16/04/2026 21:21

GeorgeClarkefan · 16/04/2026 16:17

My marriage is over. Husband feels completely insulted and told me there is no going back from what I said.

He says that he has been disadvantaged in relation to inheritance etc because he has a stepchild and not once asked to divorce but I now have, over a hobby.

My MiL does not control the situation but husband has a say and he feels that rather than have one advantaged I want both disadvantaged.

if I could withdraw younger one I would have her distraught while not helping elder one.

Elder one is completely distraught and my life is not worth living.

Husband feels inadequate in relation to stepdaughter as he cannot afford school fees so his ex pays and is insulting to DH even though this was her idea in the first place.

He doesn’t want gulf between his daughters but thinks it’s inevitable for a gulf between my daughters.

We can’t all go out and have a good time as stepdaughter only really wants to see husband and younger one. Last weekend he nipped her to his mother’s and younger one wanted to go in car and they ended up with nieces and nephew and MiL and SiL at this carnival thing leaving me and eldest twiddling thumbs.

j am utterly fed up.

OP, you mention here that your step daughter only really wants to see her dad and your youngest (her half sister). It is sad that the 'blending' hasn't gone totally smoothly, but try to have some empathy that your DSD might well feel jealous of your eldest daughter living full time with your DH who is DSD's actual dad.
So really it's understandable that your DSD might want some time with her dad, without your eldest (or you) being there.
That is the time for you to give your eldest some special quality time - just you and her. If you haven't got spare money, don't worry - do something with her that's lovely and special and free! Something that she'll enjoy cos it's just you and her. (I'm not sure of examples here as I don't know her age, but I'm thinking baking... craft.... movies....facepacks... I dunno, but I truly think that kids remember and value the simple fun times of having a quality connection with a parent, and the amount of money involved is irrelevent.)
Hard as it is, some effort needs to be made from all the adults in this situation to support the needs of the kids involved.

DisappointedofMeryton · 16/04/2026 21:22

BingoWings88 · 16/04/2026 18:25

Can you just postpone, tell younger daughter it’s just on hold until you can afford the hobby for her sister. How old is she, surely she’d understand?

My two would hate the other being left out and would happily wait.

Show quote history

The youngest has 2 sisters, not just the OP's eldest. She'll be expected to watch her sister by her father do a hobby her own grandmother is willing to fund for her, in order to placate her mother's daughter. That is not any fairer. The OP should have figured all this out before blending her family.

Pessismistic · 16/04/2026 21:23

Op I think your naive to think step grandparents should pay for your eldest technically she’s saving you money by treating your youngest so why not spend this on your eldest. Blended families are a nightmare for non blood relatives just because your dh took on your dd doesn’t mean his family have to. Your eldest is disadvantaged because of you. If you think divorce is for the best then do it but your eldest will still miss out on anything your youngest gets. You have to accept that dh parents are not obligated to pay for your child. Your eldest needs to know that dh parents are not her family.

the7Vabo · 16/04/2026 21:25

Pessismistic · 16/04/2026 21:23

Op I think your naive to think step grandparents should pay for your eldest technically she’s saving you money by treating your youngest so why not spend this on your eldest. Blended families are a nightmare for non blood relatives just because your dh took on your dd doesn’t mean his family have to. Your eldest is disadvantaged because of you. If you think divorce is for the best then do it but your eldest will still miss out on anything your youngest gets. You have to accept that dh parents are not obligated to pay for your child. Your eldest needs to know that dh parents are not her family.

I think they don’t have it, MIL isn’t saving them money as such because they didn’t have the money to spend on the hobby.

There is mention of an overdraft & both of them being down to little cash (I think).

Isekaied · 16/04/2026 21:26

PumpkinPieAlibi · 16/04/2026 21:03

It's easy to say that everyone should be treated equally when it comes to finances but I suspect the people who say this are not wealthy or are not expected to fund a stepchild's life to the tune of thousands. It's one thing to insist on equal birthday and Christmas gifts, same holidays etc and I agree that should be the case but where is the line drawn?

For example, what happens if you work hard all your life and have enough to provide a house deposit or university fees or a large windfall for your grandchildren? Would you really not give that to your grandchildren because your child married someone with a child and therefore, because you cannot afford to give your step grandchild, your grandchild loses out?

Would people, really, truly, honestly do that?

Edited

No one will pay thousands for their stepgrandchild- to fund university fees or house deposits.

previouslyknownas · 16/04/2026 21:26

PumpkinPieAlibi · 16/04/2026 21:03

It's easy to say that everyone should be treated equally when it comes to finances but I suspect the people who say this are not wealthy or are not expected to fund a stepchild's life to the tune of thousands. It's one thing to insist on equal birthday and Christmas gifts, same holidays etc and I agree that should be the case but where is the line drawn?

For example, what happens if you work hard all your life and have enough to provide a house deposit or university fees or a large windfall for your grandchildren? Would you really not give that to your grandchildren because your child married someone with a child and therefore, because you cannot afford to give your step grandchild, your grandchild loses out?

Would people, really, truly, honestly do that?

Edited

Exactly
my son has inherited from his grandparents a very large amount
he also had private school money for cars leaning to drive gap year and other stuff all paid for by grandparents

it would have no more entered my parents or his other grandparents head that they have to split it 3 ways to included 2 step children who they don’t really know

Or that they can’t give my son money or gifts because it’s not fair on his step brothers

And although DH and I don’t have a joint child I wouldn’t expect my sons paternal grandparents to match everything they gave to their grandson to also give the same to a half brother
That would be very selfish and entitled of me if I thought that should be the case

the7Vabo · 16/04/2026 21:27

Isekaied · 16/04/2026 21:26

No one will pay thousands for their stepgrandchild- to fund university fees or house deposits.

Show quote history

I’d be really interested/nosy to see what % of people who say they treat all the kids the same do so when it comes go big money. I doubt it’s no one but I’d assume it not very high.

previouslyknownas · 16/04/2026 21:35

From reading the OP other threads she seems very grabby & self centered

Maybe the grandmother can clearly see that if she gives her son an inheritance it will be spent on the OP and her daughters cutting out the stepdaughter

That if her son died and the wife (OP) inherits what was his money OP clearly won’t give any to her SD and this is pretty common to be fair

so granny is quite happy to cut her son out and give directly to her grandkids to ensure that they get any inheritance

Granny knows that her son is weak and the OP won’t be happy until her eldest is treated financially the same as the other kids despite being told it’s never gonna happen

BingoWings88 · 16/04/2026 21:39

the7Vabo · 16/04/2026 21:27

I’d be really interested/nosy to see what % of people who say they treat all the kids the same do so when it comes go big money. I doubt it’s no one but I’d assume it not very high.

Show quote history

I think once the children reach a certain age and understand the value of money, there’s no requirement to pay for each of them. Young adults will most certainly get this.

But children, 5 yo and 9 yo do not understand the first thing about the value of money and therefore simply feel left-out with no real understanding as to why this is, even if told sister’s grandmother is paying. They assume they are just not-liked and it’s hurtful to them.

OP needs to find an extra source of income to keep up with the Jones’ or possibly leave the situation completely, to protect her eldest.

YourShyLion · 16/04/2026 21:44

You have a very random and confusing writing style which I'm really struggling with. I'm guessing that it might reflect all of the upset and confusion that you are feeling.

Could I suggest that you take your time and consciously write down what is going on, proof read it as dispassionately as possible, edit and keep doing this until the situation is crystal clear?

I really think that this will help you to see more clearly what's going on, what the main issues are and possibly what can be done about them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread