Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

He does... but if its a bad poo one I'm called to help?! I end up getting annoyed and tell him its a one person job and to go do something else!

Firstly, that has nothing to do with you going away now.

Secondly, the fact that some stupid men (my own included at times) don't do the mental labournof articulating their feelings and act out, Is Not Our Problem.

He has two options. Care for his own child or let you appoint someone who will (your mum). Funny how you're lazy for wanting that night to sleep but he isn't volunteering to do it andros dreading it next month.

Ps hotel booked x
Thank you all 😊

Why?

My absolute first thought - tell him to fuck off.

If he was any sort of decent husband, he would realise you were knackered and could do with a break and would look after his own child a bit more often.

DH claimed the OP would 'hit the roof' if the rolrs were reversed. She didn't say she would.

🤣good for you. Don't stand for that weaponised incompetence shit.

This man does zero wake ups, what do you think?

I’m actually angry for you.

Tell him to go fuck himself. Literally those words. And then take up the offer and do what you’ve planned.

Dh looks surprised and asked "without me". I said, can you get the time off? He said no. So I said yes, without you. He did suggest staying the night, picking baby up and getting home just before 9 so he could login for meetings. I said absolutely not. That doesnt sound chill to me x

100% do it. I recommend every mum does it now and then. Just because you wanted a baby doesn’t mean you are committed 24/7 for the next 18 years!
However you are slightly unreasonable for saying you would be hitting the roof if your DH had the option to do the same (when he hasn’t)

I know it's not the point of the post, but you said about splitting the bills, did you do this whilst you were on maternity leave or did he cover everything whilst you weren't earning?

Im actually very excited. I might buy nice bubble bath 😂😂😂 breakfast buffet included!!!

Ive clarified what I meant by that comment... twice. Please read x

Can he not just bring a laptop and log in for meetings remotely? You’ll be having your breakfast by 9ish and have had a nice lay in.

If not, then yes, without him.

No no no, OP deserves a night of peace. He can stay home and look after the dog.

Oh yes, I forgot about the dog lol ignore me OP 🤣

I get what youre getting at. If he paid more or for everything then its cheeky for me to pay for an overnight. I wouldnt do that.
I sold my house before maternity which I had been renting out for quite a bit of time and got a v.good return. So I have still paid my way with bills and have put some in savings. My work also pay above statutory. Whilst its not amazing, it's way better than nothing. Ive always have premium bonds too and win a couple of 100 each month too!! I also saved a little maternity pot before going off which he thought was a waste but it means I dont need to feel bad or justify things like a hotel stay or if I want to spoil our baby when we go out.

I find it bizarre that wanting a bit of time away from a partner is deemed a problem. Isnt this normal in the most loving of relationships? It’s 1 night.

His work are strict and he always has to be on camera. He leads projects with clients!

Well then yes, you’re going without him. As you should. It is completely acceptable and healthy for humans to have time alone, your title to your child is “mum” but that’s not your entire identity, you know? You’re still twosugarsplzz that needs to go out, socialising, having fun and laughing, knowing you’re going back to eat, bathe and sleep. You will feel a million times better for doing so, you will appreciate it, bubs will appreciate it, nana will appreciate it and if hubby doesn’t then more fool him.

Catching up on some essential unbroken sleep and time to yourself once in 11 months after being the only one doing parenting for that whole time is not the equivalent of chill time or time out with mates or hobbies. Her dh has had full nights sleep that whole time so he doesn’t need this. He needs to step up as a dad and partner.

At this stage of not having a break from parenting i wouldn’t want my dh there. I’d want to be alone.

The way op's DH has reacted I don't blame her for not wanting to spend that time with him!
Even if he was the most loving understanding DH, she's allowed time to herself, on her own.

I did this many times, always with DH support. Do you get upset when he goes away with friends? If so then he has a point. If not then he is way out of order.

Ignore him and go, don't feel a moments guilt.