Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

A friend of mine has 2 kids and twice a year she goes away for a solo night away. Her husband has the kids for 24 solid hours... she gets peace and quiet, someone else.makes her dinner and breakfast in bed, no kids waking her up, wine in the bath with no flipping rubber ducks floating around 😂 She looks forward to these nights so much and until I had a child who was a terrible sleeper I never truly understood it.

But just to add, her DH also goes off on golf weekends a few times a year. It works well that they both get chunks of time just for themselves to really rest away from the demands of a young family and the endless piles.of housework.

Not defending him. Dont see the value in slagging him off online. I have a plan on how to handle things from now on and we have discussed him taking over quite a bit and me stepping back to hen do isnt a shock for him or baby! And yes that'll continue!

From what the OP says he’s never done a night wake up. The man appears to do very little parenting at all.

He can chill without me on Thursday!
He does and hobby thing once a fortnight.
He doesnt have many friends as he moved here years ago and doesnt really make the effort. Ive tried suggesting dad groups, him becoming friends with my friends blokes, local community groups etc. He isnt interested. I'd love him to have a group of friends up here. But yeah, once a fortnight he is out straight after work for around 4 hrs.

Fair point. Good luck!

This is actually pathetic. Your son is 11 months old, he should be OK with him for 1 night. You need to step back a little and tell your DH that he needs to step up more. Hes a father, not a babysitter.

Im glad youre going to the hotel. Its a bit of a red flag that he begrudges you a nice night away and a rest when he never does the night shift. Maybe remind him that as your husband he is supposed to be your best friend and your biggest supporter. Hes coming across like someone who secretly hates you. Although im sure (hope) its not that deep. Or better still, since he thinks the night shift is so easy, tell him he can do it from now on.

A hotel stay is amazing at the best of times. Why go home when you can stay in a hotel? Life is for living ffs

I’m just imagining that quiet hotel bedroom and the double bed and breakfast next morning! Go on, just do it.

I really question the use of the word selfish when used to describe a mother who wants some time to herself and a proper sleep. Don’t you dare put yourself first! I mean, why don’t you want to spend every waking moment caring for your child or- I think is subtly implied- being at home to service your husband.

I could not respect someone who thinks like this and I’m getting second hand ick.

But then they are both ditching the baby which is what her DH is objecting too!! So assume hed object to that suggestion as well!

OP, you don't need to explain yourself, it was pretty clear what you meant and I'd feel exactly the same.
How can someone begrudge that, especially someone who cares about you, and not WANT you to have that well deserved break?
I had an ex-h like that. Made things so difficult when I wanted to do something for ME despite never, ever getting up at night. Not once.

And those that say they don't understand why you don't just stay at home? 😂
For real?
The absolute bliss of being in a hotel room alone cannot be underestimated. 😊

Doubt it. He just doesn’t want her to abandon her post.

We have had conversations and I think hen weekend will be a huge eye opener. I am guilty of doing things myself when he has offered in past. But I am back at work soon and he will be closer to nursery so is down for all pick ups. He isnt all bad. I think we've both got stuck in our own routines. He thinks I should ask for help and I think he should offer. But when he has offered in past its always "thats okay, Ive got it" so he now waits to be asked. I should give him a good nudge at night tho he is a deep sleeper and often doesnt even budge for his work alarm. Its bloody annoying too!!!
I was just taken back by hotel and then doubted myself and wondered if it was strange. He was being a twat with his comments. Maybe I was too. We can be immature during words.

Objecting to you having time away is a bad sign. Worse that he tried to shame you when you challenged him.

My advice would be to go and to not feel bad or apologetic, otherwise he’ll object to everything going forward and you’ll find you are constantly having to justify your actions (or ask permission to do normal activities away from home).

I think it sounds like the perfect opportunity - even more so to have a husband free night!
I have a baby and I am visualising the night I can stay at a hotel and get a full night's sleep!
It's a great way to recharge and come back better.

My ex could never understand why I would want a solo night away and when it comes down to it it's because they can't do it themselves! In my experience, I found the reason they want a hotel is not to have a long bath and a good night's sleep but to invite a woman over. In which they are projecting their own views onto you and perhaps some trust issues with that. Not saying this is the case but their idea of a hotel stay could be a lot different to ours..

Just do it. Your husband should be wanting you to have a night off, with bells on, not calling you lazy and being an arse about it. He's being a dick, sorry. Is he normally like this with you, keeping score and begrudging any fun time without him?

If i stayed closer to my mum i would probably go home. But cant be bothered with the drive the next day. Staying over means less driving... better for environment?? Lol

He's states that you're selfish for doing his. Please for the love of god tell me you've told him how selfish he is for not doing any wake ups? Because he is!

Also, can people on this site please stop recommending divorce over every.little.thing??!! It's pathetic!

Why would she want to spend time with someone who never gets up with the baby at night and then begrudges her having some time to recharge her batteries. He sounds like an absolute cockwomble!! I'd be going to the hotel in OP's shoes. Women dont have to do everything that their husbands tell them to do. Self-care is important. OPs mum knows that but its a pity her husband doesn't!

Cos she'd have a
hours drive home to sleep, then an hours drive to puck the baby up and another hour home again, not that complicated to work out.🙄🙇🏻‍♀️

@Twosugarsplzz

Your mum will love it & you should make the most of the opportunity.

he's been pretty nasty, some of those comments will be hard to get past. Xx

He sounds like a controlling shit.
Your mum on the other hand sounds like an angel sent from heaven!!! She can probably see what a shit husband he is aswell.

Have your night away. Don’t apologise for having it. He’s treating you very badly @Twosugarsplzz xxx

He will never ever get it and to be honest you could not go and within weeks ye’ll be back arguing about it anyway as you’ll be bitter and still tired. Hope you have a great time op!

You don't have to sell it to us OP. We're all sold. Get it booked even if it costs more than you expected. You deserve it and you're not selfish, he is. Show him this thread as well. 🤣 I bet he doesn't change nappies either does he?

To be fair, he shouldn't be "offering help", he should just do what needs done. It's his child too.

My mum is amazing. She said for years before baby that she was finally ready to be a granny (she felt too young before!!). She used to say she loved the furry grandbabies but an actual grandchild would be better lol she never said this in a pushy way. Then when I told her I was pregnant, omg, the tears, I think she cried for weeks! Anytime I spoke to she would cry tears of happiness. Her first words were "if you go back to work I will babysit!". Baby is always being bought clothes, books, anything, is always spoilt. Not big expensive things just "oh I saw this and thought of baby". Dont get me started on christmas. Our house looked like a grotto!!! No she is amazing. We were always close before but having my baby has brought us even closer. I am very lucky to call her mum x sorry that wasn't meant to sound like a brag!! Xx