Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

Honestly if anyone is in same position... and can afford it.... go away for the night!!! Didnt realise how much i needed it

So pleased you had a great night op! Sounds amazing!

Well done.
He really doesn't sound great OP.
Be careful of low standards.
You deserve a break.
You have been doing too much.

Him thinking you enjoyed doing all the night wakings?
What a lazy twat.

Ah lovely that sounds great! The affair is soooo good, great choice!

Absolutely op, great choice. I did this last year when my youngest was 3, am considering it might need to be an every year thing.

I'm not sure why you have to stay the night away. Personally, I would not leave a young child unnecessarily. I assume lunch is in a different town. Could your mum not have ds while you are at lunch and then you could drive back to your mum's and pick him up.

If you’re not going to at least skim the full thread, then at least click ‘see all’ and read the OP’s posts.

That was the OPs plan.
Then her mother kindly offered to keep the baby overnight so the OP could have a well-deserved rest. Which has now saved the OP from burnout and completely refreshed her while the baby slept through the night so was basically none the wiser.

We don't all need to be martyrs. Especially when a loving grandparent offers to step in.

The key word here is ‘personally’. Just because it’s not something you’d do doesn’t mean the OP is wrong for doing it.

@gentileprof7

not everyone wants to be a martyr 🤷‍♀️

you get one life, it’s short, live it!

I think your plan sounds like heaven. I’m surprised your DH isn’t happy for you and thinks you deserve a teeny break. And he gets a night to himself. He needs to have a word with himself.

Yep. That way she can’t have a drink with her friends-let’s make sure she has as little fun as possible.

Presumably lunch is also unnecessary. Perhaps washing your hair is unnecessary and too much time away from the child who will no doubt remember being abandoned and require extensive therapy due to time selfish mum spent on 15 minute hair masks. Blinking is largely unnecessary. Personally I would maintain eye contact with my child and use eye drops instead of blinking.

It wasn't unnecessary tho. She's bloody shattered and the only person stepping up to help is her Mom. Taking baby home, doing the extra driving, watching the clock so she isn't too late for baby's routine and then getting up in the night with him, all of that defeats the obvious point. Which is fir oo to have a break cis she deserves one. It's fine you never wanted it needed one, never was more than a hand space away from your child at all times etc but most of us are mere mortals and need a break now and then

Because being a martyr is not obligatory.

You’re bending yourself into a pretzel trying to explain this, and you don’t need to. Don’t apologize for doing things for yourself. If he thinks it’s lazy to have your mum look after baby, tell him to do it.

My husband actively encourages me to do this as I'm up with baby more than him.

I would get him more involved in overnight care. He wanted a baby so can't assume one person should do all the overnjghts, similar to what he said to you about the hotel.
He sounds like a knob