AIBU to want out after being love bombed so quickly

[Pistachioo]

I know I am being love bombed. Relentless texting, false promises, the L word so soon. I want out of this relationship but what is the best way to escape this sort of person?

Send one message stating that “I have ended our relationship because you are harassing me with non stop communication and turning up at my house. Please stop as I will contact the police if you do not take this clear request to do so. Any further contact even to acknowledge this message is unwanted and is considered as harassment.”

Then he cannot claim to not understand. But if he does get in touch after sending such a message, then go to police. Ive done this. It felt dramatic but I never heard from him again.

I agree but I’d sent one very very clear message to stop all contact or she will go to the police and then block. If he contacts her via another number she needs to contact them.

At that point I hadn’t ended it. Going forward I will not be doing that

Well, why?

the mind boggles

So you inform him that if he does this again you will take it to the police as harassment.

You don't have a choice.

If you really want to understand then go and google coercive control and Biderman’s chart of coercion and take your unhelpful, condescending, disingenuous victim-blaming off the thread.

I am doing something about it! I have ended it, done a Clare’s law request. Im
not sure why your mind boggles? I
am Actually quite proud of myself that I have picked up on this behaviour and put boundaries in place

Do what I did find someone else they can love bomb and slip away. As struggling to leave as love bombing increased it was the only way I could get out. I then left the town to do further study and changed my phone and address...don't regret it ...he about five years ago found me on Facebook...I blocked him and locked my Facebook down and changed my name on it and my photo is of a random thing now.

Can you order a ring doorbell and plan to stay away for a few nights? Once that's all in place, then send one of the suggestee messages here. Any showing up when you've said you don't want that, report to the police non emergency number and tell a friend.

Just block, delete. Move on

What a ridiculous comment. You can’t ’move on’ from someone who is stalking you.

You found him another victim so you could escape? Do you know if they are ok

The op is still messaging him
though 🤷🏼‍♀️

In my experience I talk about my health issues and even invent a few more. I once told a dangerous man I couldn’t have a relationship with him due to my autism (that was surprisingly effective).

Please don’t let comments like Ophir’s upset you. Someone who hasn’t been involved with a man like this won’t understand the issues. It’s so easy to say ‘just leave him’ etc, but these awful men are so manipulative that they make you believe you’re imagining things etc.

You're doing the right thing @Pistachioo, stay in touch with the police etc and don’t let him convince you he’s going to change.

How are you @Pistachioo
I'm going to assume he's been back in touch.

THIS THREAD is very sobering reading.

The police want to see me tomorrow? Any idea why?

It's possible that he's known to police and has form for behaving like this? It's also possible that the police want to sit down with you and get a complete history of your relationship and his behaviour on record.

Possibly as a result of your Claire's Law Request.

I have been in a similar situation to you, minus the children, and was really quite young at the time. My advice to you would be, now that you've told him it's over and requested a Claire's Law disclosure, do not engage with him at all. He will twist your words, and tie you up in knots eventually gaslighting you to think that he's only doing what you wanted. Let the messages and missed calls stack up, don't even read his messages, and completely ignore him. If he turns up where you are, stalks you, or makes you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to report him to the police.

I imagine that this is a response to your Claire's Law request. They want to speak to you f2f to give you details about his past and to advise you on your own/children's safety. Please do attend. It seems they are taking this seriously.

I’m really worried

I would tell him you are getting back with an ex.

That way he will think there is a DP on the scene and is more likely to leave you alone.

@Pistachioo You have came here for support and you now have the police involved . You have done what is needed so far .
Once you have finished work and have txts and missed calls to deal with . Send one last message . It’s over do not contact me again, come near my home or approach me .
Then ignore. If he continues then you report to the police for harassment .
The police will advise you when you see them tomorow.