AIBU to want out after being love bombed so quickly

[Pistachioo]

I know I am being love bombed. Relentless texting, false promises, the L word so soon. I want out of this relationship but what is the best way to escape this sort of person?

So you're not that scared then, if you can't be bothered to do a Clare's Law.

Dump him, tell him you don't want him to contact you, and if he does, warn him you'll report him to the pokice for harrassment.

Stop being nice. Men like this can become very dangerous, and you can't predict which men go on to murder. Assert non-negotiable boundaries and contact police if he persists. If police don't take it seriously, see a solicitor and/or domestic abuse charity for help. Learn about the domestic abuse cycle, because you are in it and you need to get out.

I'd tell him you're not interested and any further contact and you are reporting him to the police for stalking. Do not give him mixed signals.

I agree you need to be firm.

And don’t apologize - don’t say you are dating someone else!

Just message him and say i am blocking you now and we are no longer suited.

And do it, change your number don’t answer the door - tell work wjats happening so they can be prepared for any nastiness. Come off social media - block everyone and change your name on there.

Get rid of any friends of friends so he doesn’t get mixed info

Well done for spotting the signs and realising what it is

I have told him it is over and he isn’t making me happy anymore as he constantly accuses me
of lying. It’s like he hasn’t listened to anything as now he asking to take me away at the weekend. I haven’t replied

Police and domestic abuse report

I have ended our relationship.
i will not be responding to anymore calls or texts.
do not contact me or my family or come to my home or I will be contacting the police.
all the best

This is a massive red flag. His behaviour indicates he has no respect for your autonomy, and he's in denial of reality. He's not unique; this is indicative of a domestic abuser. You need to get away from him, and stop giving a shit about his feelings. He doesn't care about you; he wants to control you.

Block and delete as everyone has told you, for goodness sake 🙈 @Pistachioo

Because they're desperate. If you' don't act, he's going to try and move in.

Send him a message telling him you don't want to hear from him again. Have you got any male mates with a 'presence' who could answer the door to him?

If not, if he turns up, ring the police to come and collect him. They'll give him a talking to.

I would 100% do a Claire’s law, if you have children I don’t understand why you haven’t?

Could you plan a trip away somewhere? Dump him before you go, which will give him time to get his head around it and he won’t be able to beg you to change your mind?

Could you talk to your parents and tell them your concerns, they maybe able to help?

I would dump him by text, make it very clear that you won’t be changing your mind, that you are totally done and you don’t love him. If he starts pestering you then threaten with the police….and follow through with it. Block him on everything, get your parents to block him and if her turns up at your house (or your parents) you call the police.

Well done. That’s your start. Ignore him. Tell your friends and family that you’ve finished it and he’s been being a nuisance. Tell them not to interact with him at all and tell them you may have to get the police involved. Keep your door locked. Get a ring camera. Go back and do the Claire’s Law - and go see the result with the police. Don’t talk to him or reply to messages. If he rings on another number hang up immediately. Do not give him any encouragement or back down on anything. If you could stay with a friend or they could stay with you for a few days do. And report any behaviour that ignores your wishes and makes you feel uncomfortable/scared. Stay strong. Personally I wouldn’t block him - log and save messages.

Before you can tell him you are done, you have to tell yourself you are done. You have to truly be done.

If/when this happens, he will not be able to talk you round.

Re safely ending things, talk to women's aid, they will be able to give you advice on how best to do that

He is officially stalking if he contacts you two more times after you have asked him not to. This is a crime and the police take it seriously as it’s a huge red flag especially when a relationship ends and for the next two years the risk of physical assault is escalated. Please take advice from DA service. You need to use your agency now to get your physical and mental safety in place. Tell neighbours, colleagues, family and friends that you are being stalked and to not engage with this man and to alert you if they see him or his vehicle. Get a 24/7 dash cam and a ring doorbell. Do not answer phone to him. Keep all texts and messages for evidence. Speak to the police - hes a classic case and will be seen as high risk.

Good. Don't engage. Don't give him reasons that he can work with. Just keep repeating that you're done and to leave you alone.

And STILL DO A CLAIRES LAW ASAP. It could determine how you respond if he continues to contact you. Could make all the difference re police involvement.

Stay strong. Do not give in! Xx

I recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. There is a lot of useful advice in there.

Two key points- you are scared of this man. Listen to that feeling and do not allow yourself to be reasoned out of it. Gut instinct is the sum of all the tiny signals that you see but don't consciously process. If you're afraid, take that seriously.

Second key point is that once you have told someone clearly never to contact you again, you must never react to them again in any way.

If you say "never", he contacts you 999 times and you react to the 1000th attempt, even if it's just to say "leave me alone" then all you've taught him is that it takes 1000 tries to get your attention.

I know you said claries law is a bit dramatic but he does sound like the stalker type. Therefore I'd do one because if there is anything you'll get police support straight away. He sounds psychotic and I'm not trying to scare you x

I have just set tried to do
it but it is asking for my children’s names?

For all those people who say 'keep telling him you're done'. Absolutey DON'T do that. You have to ignore him.

You've already told him. Don't respond now.

Any further messaging to him will only tell him that you are still prepared to engage with him and fuel him further. He didn't listen before and he's not going to listen if you just keep repeating it.

Just to add -don’t say anything about needing space, or giving him a reason like ‘you’re not making me happy’ because men like this will look for any way in and read ‘space’ as not final and anything about not making you happy as an excuse to say ‘let me make you happy’.

You actually don’t owe him an explanation-you can end a relationship for any reason, you don’t need to explain.
If you do decide to message, as PP have said leave it very simple and block. Tell friends and family what you’ve decided and not to engage with him. How old are your children? Does he have permission to collect them from school? If so, revoke that now.
If he turns up don’t answer the door. Keep a note and if he persists contact the police. You do not owe this man your time or politeness.

Then put your children's names down.

How many children have you got?