AIBU to want out after being love bombed so quickly

[Pistachioo]

I know I am being love bombed. Relentless texting, false promises, the L word so soon. I want out of this relationship but what is the best way to escape this sort of person?

I was thinking that it would be easier if I was nice about the whole thing but obviously not.

I did try, it says that the police give you the outcome face to face and it all seems a bit dramatic

What do you want them to do?
Send you a WhatsApp?

Anytime there's something to be disclosed it has to be done in person, to give victims a chance to understand everything and ask questions. Also to get advice on safety.

You're in danger with a man like this.
He is the type who will seriously assault you if you try to end things. You definitely need the help of the police.

No, it isn't.
He's shown you that already.

Sadly, no. He’ll use your ‘nice’ against you. Any conversation will be a chance for him to manipulate you, guilt you and gaslight you. Please have the meeting with the police, you need to know about his history.

Shitty response @RoseField1. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

I have absolutely noticed this, he tries to make
me feel guilty and then I question if I am being harsh but logically I know im not. This morning he told me I didn’t message him
as soon as I woke up as I posted something on Facebook beforehand (I didn’t)

Why are so many men like this? I don’t understand it!

Wouldn't it be nice not to have to deal with this bullshit.

Go to the police.

There was an almost identical post on here a week or so ago which could be helpful for you...

You need to send a polite but VERY firm message saying what you want to happen.

"XXXX, I'm afraid this relationship isn't working for me and is not what I am looking for, so I need some space. Please respect my need for space and do not contact me or my friends/family or turn up at my house. Thanks."

If he messages back either ignore or just reply "please respect my request for space". If he phones then ignore it.

If this is the case, does he know your full name? Address?? Place of work??

A simple text I do not want to see you anymore. This relationship isn’t working for me and is too intense please respect my decision and do not contact me again either directly or indirectly.

if you hear anything back repeat the above. Completely detached if you then get another response you need to either depending on how afraid of him you are you could get your dad, brother or another male friend to say leave her alone or if that doesn’t work

I would contact the police on a non emergency number and ask for help

it all depends on his response do not engage with wanting to meet or promises or discussions just end it

There are many women doing what you are doing? Did you post on here about it recently and then he kept messaging you off work phone : friends number etc

Finish it. No means no. Means no.

and follow through an escalate it to the police

I agree with this 100%. If you tell him why you’re giving him an advantage. You already know he’s not for you, so walking away with least discussion is best. Well done for recognising and acting on it.

I’m trying to find the similar thread, was it you OP who posted last week?

There was an almost identical post to this on 1st April. Worth a read Op.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5511191-aibu-to-feel-smothered-by-someone-i-have-been-seeing?

That's not dangerous though. It's just irritating.

Just message him to finish it. You don't even need to give a reason if you're not comfortable. Then block his number and don't answer your phone if unfamiliar numbers call. Go away for a few days or ask a friend to stay for a few days so that if he pops round you either aren't there or you feel happier that you have a friend there.

It doesn't matter whether you're nice to him or not. The net effect is the same: he has targeted you and he intends to possess you.

All you need to worry about is yours and your children's safety. His feelings are irrelevant.

His behaviour already meets the threshold for stalking and harassment. Don't block him, you need to document everything and tell the police.

What rubbish...I cannot imagine posting with such energy to attack someone who is afraid. Of course OP is not solely responsible for her own safety. The individual shouldn't be harassing her, the police ought to be approachable and trusted. Community, like MN, should offer support. Victim attacking at its finest. Yuck

Didn't you post about this a couple of weeks ago? I thought you ended it then? Op, this man is bad news, tou need to stay strong.

It can turn dangerous very quickly. Have you heard of the case of Alice Ruggles? Her controlling and violent ex boyfriend drove from Scotland to Surrey to leave flowers and chocolates at her flat after harassing her over the phone for weeks following their break up. She was terrified and went to the police, who said to her "What's the problem? He brought you flowers and chocolates! That's a nice gesture!".

The next day, he broke into her flat and stabbed her to death.

I would be taking no chances.

How would he be turning up at her house if he didn't know her address?

OP, hard boundaries from now on.

Oh god

Be clear and open with your family/anyone they may contact to get in touch with you. A simple ‘it’s getting weird, I’m not into it, don’t answer to them please’. Make it clear to the person that ‘this is too much, I’m ending this relationship’. If it continues with you being bombarded and essentially harassed - (a days worth of trying to get hold of you when you’ve made it clear) get the police involved. Not worth messing about. There are some weirdos out there. Sounds like you’re getting a vibe. Trust. Your. Instincts.

First of all, make sure you have secure locks on your doors and get a ring doorbell. Then you can text him and tell him you're ending the relationship and he is not to contact you again or come to your home. If he does, you can and should report him to the police. You need to do this and stand firm and refuse to be drawn into any discussion. If he comes to the house, don't speak to him or answer the door. If he calls and messages, do not reply. It will be hard but you need to push through with it. Tell your family that he is harassing you and they shouldn't talk to him. If he keeps trying to contact them, they should report him to the police too.

Contact the Police as you have legitimate concerns for your safety.

There is no way to be nice to him about this. He will hurl all kinds of nasty manipulative shit at you, from declarations of love, threats of self-harm because he can’t live without you, to insults and threats of harm to you. Be firm, tell him to leave you alone, and stop responding. Make a police report, and get a video doorbell and security camera in your back garden to record evidence of he ignores your wishes and turns up at the house.