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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want out after being love bombed so quickly

206 replies

Pistachioo · 13/04/2026 16:37

I know I am being love bombed. Relentless texting, false promises, the L word so soon. I want out of this relationship but what is the best way to escape this sort of person?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 14/04/2026 12:30

Well done for taking control.

WorstPaceScenario · 14/04/2026 12:32

TheCobbleCreekMonster · 14/04/2026 12:18

I would tell him you are getting back with an ex.

That way he will think there is a DP on the scene and is more likely to leave you alone.

This is terrible advice. Men like this are jealous and possessive, do you think that perceived 'competition' is really going to make him back off? There's every possibility this would escalate his behaviour

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 12:37

I am just ignoring the messages and will discuss with the police tomorrow how to move forward

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 12:41

Have they asked for you to attend the station or are they coming to you.

Have they mentioned ID?

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 12:49

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 12:41

Have they asked for you to attend the station or are they coming to you.

Have they mentioned ID?

They asked if they could come
to me and I said I would go to them. With ID

OP posts:
Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:14

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 12:41

Have they asked for you to attend the station or are they coming to you.

Have they mentioned ID?

What does this mean?

OP posts:
LamentableShoes · 14/04/2026 13:18

Good luck OP and do please go

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:19

My mind is racing, are you sure this means they have something to tell me?

OP posts:
Everydayisanew · 14/04/2026 13:21

Pistachioo · 13/04/2026 21:14

I have also been told not to block him

Who told you that ?

Catza · 14/04/2026 13:23

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:19

My mind is racing, are you sure this means they have something to tell me?

I don't think they would take time out of their busy days to offer to come to your house for nothing, do you?
They clearly have some concerns either about his past or about your situation currently.

Everydayisanew · 14/04/2026 13:24

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:14

What does this mean?

Go to the police with your driving licence and find out! Ffs I’m not one to victim blame but honestly you have been told over and over and over to block him, contact the police and to stop talking to him. Every time he rings you or texts you report it - do not reply, log it with the police and say he is scaring you and harassing you and your don’t feel safe. Get a ring doorbells, change the locks and 101 everything unless he turns up in which case it is 999.

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:25

Everydayisanew · 14/04/2026 13:24

Go to the police with your driving licence and find out! Ffs I’m not one to victim blame but honestly you have been told over and over and over to block him, contact the police and to stop talking to him. Every time he rings you or texts you report it - do not reply, log it with the police and say he is scaring you and harassing you and your don’t feel safe. Get a ring doorbells, change the locks and 101 everything unless he turns up in which case it is 999.

I am not enticing somebody when I have no idea what they are capable of! Until tomorrow I am doing nothing!

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/04/2026 13:30

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:14

What does this mean?

It means they have something to disclose.

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 13:32

I have never supported anyone with a Claire’s law who hasn’t had a disclosure so I don’t know if they ask for ID or not for non disclosures. However looks like this is just part of the application process.

Application – One you have applied the police take the details of your enquiry and establish a safe way to contact you.

  1. Police complete initial checks
a. You will be informed of any immediate risk. b. The police make a decision to continue to a full check or end the application.
  1. Face to face meeting with the police
a. You will provide ID (ideally with a photograph), share further details of your concerns and the officer will risk assess you. b. You need to be honest. You will be warned against any malicious behaviour or sharing false information. c. Any new crimes the police become aware of during the meeting will be investigated alongside this process. d. A safety plan and actions taken to address risk known at this stage will be completed (e.g. referral to domestic abuse support services, safeguarding). This includes supporting you if you have reported a new crime. e. You will be asked to sign a confidentiality form.
  1. Full checks completed by the police and partner agenciese.g. social services, probation service, domestic abuse support services.
a. Police databases are checked for details of any previous convictions, reprimands, final warnings for violent and/or abusive offences. This list is not exhaustive, but includes battery, common assault, murder, manslaughter, kidnapping, false imprisonment, threats to kill, wounding, harassment, sexual offences, criminal damage, andstalking. b. All services search for other information about your partner’s behaviour. For example if your partner has abused previous partners. 5. A decision is made on whether to disclose SECTION 2 – THE DISCLOSURE How do they decide if a disclosure is to be made? Before you can receive any information, the police have toconsider if it meets the criteria to share. Less than half the people who applied last year had information shared, therefore there is no guarantee you will receive information. The decision to share is made on a case by case basis and considers:- • What information is in the police records and what risk the person may pose to you; • If it will help protect you from harm; • Human rights and data protection laws; • What information will be shared with you: it needs to be necessary and proportionate to protect you and remain within the law. What happens when I get the disclosure? The police will usually provide the information directly to you – if your family or friends have made the request the information will still come to you, not them. The police may invite another professional (who is working with you) to be part of the meeting, if that would be helpful. • The police will arrange to meet you in a safe location; • You will be reminded of your legal responsibility that you must not share the information with anyone else; • You will be asked to sign an agreement; • You will get the information verbally; • You will not be given any written documents; • You will be supported to make a safety plan; • You will get details of local support services. Why can't I tell anyone? A person’s previous convictions are confidential and so the police need to make sure that you don't tell anyone else as this could mean that you have broken the law. Why was my application unsuccessful and what happens next? More than half of all applications are unsuccessful, so it is not unusual if you do not get a disclosure. There are many reasons why including: • the information the police have is not sufficient enough for a disclosure to be made, or it would not be lawful; • your partner may not have a police record of abusive / violent offences; • there is no information held by agencies to suggest that they pose a risk to you; • there is not enough information about your partner to meet the rules of the scheme. If you do not get a disclosure this doesn’t mean you are not at risk of harm, just that there may not be records of previous abusive behaviour. The police will still contact you and you may still be supported to make a safety plan and signposted to domestic abuse support services.
ChickenBananaBanana · 14/04/2026 13:33

Come on op they're not gonna offer to come to yours to tell you he's an upstanding citizen. They'll have something to tell you

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:38

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 13:32

I have never supported anyone with a Claire’s law who hasn’t had a disclosure so I don’t know if they ask for ID or not for non disclosures. However looks like this is just part of the application process.

Application – One you have applied the police take the details of your enquiry and establish a safe way to contact you.

  1. Police complete initial checks
a. You will be informed of any immediate risk. b. The police make a decision to continue to a full check or end the application.
  1. Face to face meeting with the police
a. You will provide ID (ideally with a photograph), share further details of your concerns and the officer will risk assess you. b. You need to be honest. You will be warned against any malicious behaviour or sharing false information. c. Any new crimes the police become aware of during the meeting will be investigated alongside this process. d. A safety plan and actions taken to address risk known at this stage will be completed (e.g. referral to domestic abuse support services, safeguarding). This includes supporting you if you have reported a new crime. e. You will be asked to sign a confidentiality form.
  1. Full checks completed by the police and partner agenciese.g. social services, probation service, domestic abuse support services.
a. Police databases are checked for details of any previous convictions, reprimands, final warnings for violent and/or abusive offences. This list is not exhaustive, but includes battery, common assault, murder, manslaughter, kidnapping, false imprisonment, threats to kill, wounding, harassment, sexual offences, criminal damage, andstalking. b. All services search for other information about your partner’s behaviour. For example if your partner has abused previous partners. 5. A decision is made on whether to disclose SECTION 2 – THE DISCLOSURE How do they decide if a disclosure is to be made? Before you can receive any information, the police have toconsider if it meets the criteria to share. Less than half the people who applied last year had information shared, therefore there is no guarantee you will receive information. The decision to share is made on a case by case basis and considers:- • What information is in the police records and what risk the person may pose to you; • If it will help protect you from harm; • Human rights and data protection laws; • What information will be shared with you: it needs to be necessary and proportionate to protect you and remain within the law. What happens when I get the disclosure? The police will usually provide the information directly to you – if your family or friends have made the request the information will still come to you, not them. The police may invite another professional (who is working with you) to be part of the meeting, if that would be helpful. • The police will arrange to meet you in a safe location; • You will be reminded of your legal responsibility that you must not share the information with anyone else; • You will be asked to sign an agreement; • You will get the information verbally; • You will not be given any written documents; • You will be supported to make a safety plan; • You will get details of local support services. Why can't I tell anyone? A person’s previous convictions are confidential and so the police need to make sure that you don't tell anyone else as this could mean that you have broken the law. Why was my application unsuccessful and what happens next? More than half of all applications are unsuccessful, so it is not unusual if you do not get a disclosure. There are many reasons why including: • the information the police have is not sufficient enough for a disclosure to be made, or it would not be lawful; • your partner may not have a police record of abusive / violent offences; • there is no information held by agencies to suggest that they pose a risk to you; • there is not enough information about your partner to meet the rules of the scheme. If you do not get a disclosure this doesn’t mean you are not at risk of harm, just that there may not be records of previous abusive behaviour. The police will still contact you and you may still be supported to make a safety plan and signposted to domestic abuse support services.

Ahh ok, so maybe it isn’t anything serious?

OP posts:
IndigoBabble · 14/04/2026 18:19

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 13:19

My mind is racing, are you sure this means they have something to tell me?

I think they have something to disclose, else they would not have offered to come to your home OP. I hope you are ok.

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 18:20

Regardless of whether they have a disclosure or not ( and it seems your police force is spot on and very quick) how he is treating you is serious. Don’t forget that.

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 19:27

CornishTiger · 14/04/2026 18:20

Regardless of whether they have a disclosure or not ( and it seems your police force is spot on and very quick) how he is treating you is serious. Don’t forget that.

I have just told my DC’d dad and sent him screenshots of messages incase something happened. He asked me why I was messaging him. I am just trying to alert people just incase

OP posts:
Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 19:33

DC’s

OP posts:
Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 19:34

Obviously I am terrified about what I am going to be told tomorrow and that I exposed myself to this, more importantly my children. I won’t take any risks

OP posts:
Olive567 · 14/04/2026 19:43

Well done OP, you're doing the right thing

Pistachioo · 14/04/2026 19:44

Im worried that my ex thinks I am doing it to get him Jealous/ get him back. I just want as many people as possible that I trust to have the evidence

OP posts:
BigMommasHouse · 14/04/2026 19:45

If you don’t want to tell him straight, give him the ick. Pick your nose. Fart loudly, neg him.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/04/2026 20:01

BigMommasHouse · 14/04/2026 19:45

If you don’t want to tell him straight, give him the ick. Pick your nose. Fart loudly, neg him.

FFS RTFT.
Or at least all the OP's posts.