To have let my dc have a wrap for lunch?

[Foodfumbles]

We nipped to the shop after swimming and they asked if they could have a wrap for lunch (this is a rare treat for them).

I let them have a whole wrap each (450cals if relevant) and since arriving at my mum’s she has lectured me on letting them eat an adult portion and saying I obviously want them to end up like me (overweight) letting them eat that.
To them she’s said how big their lunch is and even she would be full with a wrap and they should be sharing.

I have had endless food issues throughout my life thanks to how I was raised around food so I struggle to know what’s normal and what is her warped thinking. This is the same woman who told me my child was overweight and was getting fat (she wasn’t at all, she was on the 55th centile and very average!)

Aibu to let them have a whole wrap every now and then?

Well, my opinion is probably a little different than others as I do think that’s a high-fat lunch for a four-year-old (less so the seven-year-old). You want to check fat content as well as calories, and I think you’ll find that that’s about half of the younger child’s daily allowance in that wrap.

However …

As an occasional treat it’s obviously not an issue at all. No-one is going to end up overweight having that occasionally, and eating a more balanced diet the rest of the time.

And it’s absolutely inappropriate for your mother to have discussed it in front of the children, which risks that they might end up with food issues.

Well the main point is what your kids take away from this. You need to make sure they know your mum is wrong “silly granny” if necessary

hows that a rare treat? My 4 year old would demolish it if hungry, SS 8 eats more than my husband and he's a stick 🙈

a patent who pushes their eating disorder onto their kids but creating fear around food and having "good " foods, " bad " foods.
It comes from Yolanda Hadid on "the real housewife's of Beverly hills" advising one of her daughters, who was complaining about being hungry "to have an almond" and in a later scene becoming visibly anxious at her teenage daughter eating cake
Lisa zuismann (from apprentice fame) bragged on one of her latest podcasts about being an almond mum

Oh how wonderful that your DD had a 'dainty' appetite!!!
Wtf is a dainty appetite? Would you consider a son the same age eating the same thing dainty? Or is it okay because she is a girl?
We need to move away from this kind of wording around food, especially with regards to young girls food consumption.
Your daughter may well have had a smaller appetite but there is bugger all 'dainty' about the amount of food someone does or doesn't eat.

She did answer. The treat wasn't the wrap as such, more that it was bought from the supermarket rather than being made at home. The kids look at that as a treat as it happens rarely.

Your mother GAVE YOU YOUR FOOD ISSUES.

bow you’re allowing her an opinion with your kids. Stand by and let this happen and you’re allowing your Mum to blight THEIR lives too.

I know this is hard. I know the fear you feel at the thought of confronting this, but you have to protect your babies.

Sit with your thoughts now, quietly and calmly and accept the reality that you KNOW that you’re right and that she is wrong. This is important. You have to appreciate that you have all the information you need to know that you’re right and your children are absolutely fine having a whole wrap each after swimming.

Christ alive, in our youth it was a big plate of chips 🍟😂

In future don’t bring food to your mothers. Car picnic if need be, but they don’t eat in front of of her, it will massively reduce her need to try to control you/your kids/food.

next try not talking about food near her, don’t give her an inch on this. If she brings it up, change the subject and force the conversation to move on.

next level is “I’m not discussing food with you DM” or just grey rock, “hmm” “I see” etc and then nothing. Talk about something else and just be as slippery as hell

Eventually you may feel bold enough to say that you have food issues because of the things she said to you as a child and you don’t want that for them.

If they are healthy, eat lots of fresh veg/fruit what's the problem. After swimming they would be absolutely hungry and need feeding. You are doing the right thing. Ignore your Mum.

Your Mum sounds appalling, her behaviour as you know is really harmful. Making food filled with emotion is just awful and leads to disordered eating.
This is the time to stop this …tell her straight how damaging she is

Keep the wraps, ditch the toxic grandmother.

My 8 and 2 year old are happily munching their ham and mayo wraps as I type this, 8 year old has 2 wraps cut up into halves and the 2 year old has 1 wrap cut in half. We have these semi regularly. They are a nice, easy, fuss free lunch and shockingly I serve the wraps with half a packet of crisps each!

With your mum's issues it's a good job she wasn't going to feed you all!

A whole shop bought wrap is fine for a 7 year old but it’s too much for a 4 year old to eat. A half wrap with some fruit is ideal for that age group. Shop bought wraps are full of fat and salt. Even ones for home are high in calories and that’s before you add any fillings.

However, after swimming and as a one off it’s fine but it’s easy for ‘one off’s’ to become routines. Calorie wise, one of those wraps would probably be near a full days calorie intake for your 4 year old.

The fact she said she would be full after a wrap??? Im guessing it was like one from tesco? Like a meal deal wrap where normal people have a drink and a snack with it?? .
A wrap is fine for your kids.
Bet she is the type to say things like, gosh I wont be able to eat dinner now after that massive lunch when you eat out.

Your mum has a problem with food.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a wrap for lunch.

The fact you state calories and are questioning this suggests that your mum has had a long lasting influence. Please try and work on this - don't pass this on. Be kind to yourself

Really?? My one year old could eat that, no problem.

I don't think the wrap is a problem, esp as they'd just been swimming and you also said you'd normally make their lunch at home. The problem is your mum's issues about food and that she is talking about all this in front of the kids. It's easier said than done, but I'd be thinking about ways you could set boundaries and be assertive with her about not doing all this damaging food talk - ideally not around you either, but at least not passing all that anxiety and judgement on to your kids.

That's an absolutely normal lunch.

I've never looked at the calories in my kids food, nor banned anything completely (beyond e.g. fizzy drinks, candy floss, McDonald's etc when they were very small).

I think about their overall diet, and whether they appear to be a healthy size. So something like the aforementioned candy floss or McDonald's is a very ocassional treat. But we eat mostly home cooked dinners, and I ensure they have plenty of protein and fruit & veg.

My DD 10 is and has always been technically slightly underweight. However she's a happy, active child, incredibly physically strong for her size and rarely unwell. So I don't worry about her size or her small appetite. Only in the last year or so would she eat a whole wrap.

My DS 13 on the other hand, has an athletic build and has always been around the 50th centile. He's very sporty. His appetite is huge! He would definitely have eaten a whole wrap plus fruit, yogurt and crisps at around 3.

Look at the child (ideally they should have a flat tummy and visible ribs) and just do a quick mental scan of their diet over a week or so.

Even if they are overweight, try to change what they eat subtly and increase movement as a family and NEVER EVER tell them they're chubby/on a diet etc.

Please don't fall into her damaging habit of analysing every meal.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm struggling to get my head around why a wrap (which is just a form of sandwich) should be a 'rare treat' for anyone. Or why the OP feels the need to point this out. It's just normal food, not especially unhealthy or indulgent, assuming its filled with something acceptable.

Seriously, if a filled wrap genuinely counts as a rare treat then it sort of suggests they must live on dry crusts and gruel the rest of the time.

Time to telly your mum to keep her beak out or STFU or both

It is very concerning that your confidence as a mother is so incredibly low as to be non existent by the sounds of it.

It is very concerning that you continue to have a relationship and expose your children to - someone who is profoundly unpleasant (and as thick as plank of wood)

You need to parent up. Otherwise the journey ahead of you is going to be awful.

They’ve just been swimming, of course half a wrap wouldn’t even touch the sides. Your mum sounds clueless. She should wind her neck in.

Aibu to let them have a whole wrap every now and then?

YAVVU to even ask

YAVVVU to still have a relationship with someone like this.

YAVVVVU to have someone like this around your children

Possibly a 'treat' because a wrap in a shop costs about £4 so £8 for the two kids which is a lot compared to a sandwich or wrap at home. And quite a significant % of the weekly shopping bill if you are on a budget.