To have let my dc have a wrap for lunch?

[Foodfumbles]

We nipped to the shop after swimming and they asked if they could have a wrap for lunch (this is a rare treat for them).

I let them have a whole wrap each (450cals if relevant) and since arriving at my mum’s she has lectured me on letting them eat an adult portion and saying I obviously want them to end up like me (overweight) letting them eat that.
To them she’s said how big their lunch is and even she would be full with a wrap and they should be sharing.

I have had endless food issues throughout my life thanks to how I was raised around food so I struggle to know what’s normal and what is her warped thinking. This is the same woman who told me my child was overweight and was getting fat (she wasn’t at all, she was on the 55th centile and very average!)

Aibu to let them have a whole wrap every now and then?

I’d tell her to stop that kind of language around your children as you don’t want them growing up with same kind of hang ups around food as you did. There’s nothing wrong with a child eating a wrap for lunch. Is she one of these insufferable under eaters who try to shame people who eat normal amounts of food? She wouldn’t be doing that to my children.

If they're 450 kcal, then they're absolutely fine (if it's eg a fully loaded Chipotle burrito, those come in at >1200, so less fine).

4 year olds apparently need 1200-1600 kcal a day, so how are they meant to get that if their lunch, ie one of their main meals, is less than 450?! If you find yourself second guessing, just keep that in mind. I'm assuming they're not endlessly snacking on stuff on top of that lunch.

But like PP, I would limit their interactions with her around food. Those comments are insidious. I would not hesitate to have a talk with them after about how grandma's ideas on food are wrong. Every time. Make sure her messages are not the ones they remember.

450 cals is a perfectly reasonable amount of calories for a child's meal. If they are 10 plus then they'd probably need more than that.

I think your mum is having issues and it's awful the way she made you feel about food. It's not normal and you should ignore her. In fact tell her you think she's disordered. And you don't want to hear about food from her anymore.

At 4 and 7 it probably depends on your DC’s appetite. At 4 my DC would probably not have finished a whole wrap - but I wouldn’t have hesitated buying one for them - they would have eaten what they wanted and left the rest. I would expect a 7 year old to eat a whole one so sharing wouldn’t work as they would likely still be hungry. A wrap is normally a pretty healthy option anyway.

Pic of the wraps uploading.

Your mother raised you. You have issues around food and your weight. Do not let her comment about what your DC eat/don't eat.

I'd be telling darling mother than we don't almond parent

It’s perfectly fine. At those ages they are growing, and can often eat a surprising amount. So long as that is made up of protein and vegetables and not just sugar, there’s no problem. And please try to ignore your mother’s unhealthy attitude to food.

What a nosy mum! Your children had just been swimming... they were hungry. A wrap is perfect idea.

I know how excited mine would have been at that age getting a wrap and having it bought outside the house rather than made at home. They still love wraps. Your mum gave you food issues, please make sure your DC don't hear her comments. Honestly, I would say to her if she mentions food critically in their presence again you will remove them each and every time she does it. You cannot let your children grow up with the toxic influence you did.

My DM hit me as a kid. The first time she hit my DC we left and I was clear if she ever did it again I wouldn't let her see them without me and if she continued to do so we would stop seeing her until she could control herself. She threatened to hit them a few times and I was very firm that it wouldn't be happening and if she continued to threaten them we wouldn't see her. She hasn't said or done anything for a few years now but she knows her card is marked.

What does your mum think would have been appropriate to feed at 4 and 7 yr old after a physical activity like swimming?
Tbh your mum sounds to have a very unhealthy relationship with food and you should protect your children from that .

At those ages, the best and only healthy guide for how much your kids should be eating is how hungry they are, as long as the food is healthy. I would never restrict how much of a sandwich, wrap, etc, my kids ate. (Biscuits or cake is a different story).

Also, swimming always makes you ravenous. It’s not just the exercise, but the getting cold and then warm again.

She feels they should have shared one wrap
between them.

When my son was that age, he'd have had the wrap, crisps, cereal bar and yogurt too 😂 450 calories isn't a lot for an active child's lunch. You could suggest that your mum considers some counseling for her food issues.

I don't understand. I thought a wrap is pretty much equivalent to a sandwich (made of 2 slices of bread) ie a normal portion for anyone above the age of 3 or so.

I thought you were going to say 'a wrap made with Nutella and flumps' or something!

Mum's food issues sound like the problem here, not what you're giving your kids to eat. Tell her that food is not a topic you want to discuss in front of the kids , then ignore her and change the subject of she starts.

What’s an almond parent?

Don't mind her! Absolutely nothing wrong in what you fed your children. She needs to wind her neck in.

Ignore your mother. Her toxicity attitude toward food has given you issues, dont let her damage your children.

But wouldn't they then have been still hungry?

Its not ok to starve your kids, whatever anyone else says!

Why, as an Adult Woman, are you still allowing your Mother to have such an effect on you? As long as you keep on listening, she’ll keep on chipping in. These are your children, and it’s your decison what they eat, you don’t need her permission, or our approval.

You need to take your power back.

I probably would have let them share and bought them an apple/banana each to go with it but then my dd had a very dainty appetite at 4yo and she wouldn't have eaten all of it.

Ah fair enough. You're their mum, she should keep her beak out! You have already suffered from her unhealthy relationship with food and you don't want this being passed on to your kids as well.

THIS

Your mum just sounds very silly about it.

Bloody hell, it's no wonder you have issues around food. X