To have let my dc have a wrap for lunch?

[Foodfumbles]

We nipped to the shop after swimming and they asked if they could have a wrap for lunch (this is a rare treat for them).

I let them have a whole wrap each (450cals if relevant) and since arriving at my mum’s she has lectured me on letting them eat an adult portion and saying I obviously want them to end up like me (overweight) letting them eat that.
To them she’s said how big their lunch is and even she would be full with a wrap and they should be sharing.

I have had endless food issues throughout my life thanks to how I was raised around food so I struggle to know what’s normal and what is her warped thinking. This is the same woman who told me my child was overweight and was getting fat (she wasn’t at all, she was on the 55th centile and very average!)

Aibu to let them have a whole wrap every now and then?

Not unreasonable at all. I'm really sorry you had to grow up with such damaging views around food. You sound like a great mum x

She’s got a damn cheek especially if you’re only there to do jobs for her. No more comments on what other people are eating, particularly children, or you all pack up and go home.

Anyone who has food issues probably shouldn’t post on here either as it doesn’t take long for the ‘as long as it’s a rare treat… let’s face it, OP, wraps are junk food… my DC would struggle with that and would be begging for their massive salad’ brigade to arrive.

Your mum is being ridiculous. A whole wrap once on a while won't make them fat and neither will sweets or chocolate. They can have everything they want in moderation. Food is food. Its eating to much fatty and over processed shit that's the problem. Realistically, your mum fed you so if your overweight it's because she did something wrong.

ETA: I'm overweight but I was told I had to eat everything on my plate and that people are starving. Also we are in a culture we're feeding people is love.

We have had a number of conversations about food over the years and she knows that I feel how I was brought up around food has had a hugely detrimental affect on my relationship with food. She doesn’t see the role or refuse to see the role she played in this and won’t accept that my issues are anything to do with her.
This isn’t the thread to go into everything else but it’s not just food issues and now, due to her health and the caring responsibilities I am expected to undertake, it means I am inexplicably tied to her (she won’t accept outside carers). She also won’t accept me saying how difficult I find taking on the caring role and all it entails and has said that me not wanting to do it all for her is because clearly I only loved her when she didn’t need anything from me.

Your mum clearly had issues around food. My mum was and is the same. I think many women of that generation do. I also have a lot of issues around food as everything I ate was scrutinised as a child.
It’s perfectly ok to let your kids get and eat a wrap. The shop bought ones aren’t as healthy as the ones made at home but that’s not the point. They were hungry, they were fed. It was a treat to get lunch out and that’d absolutely fine!!

I’ve discouraged both my mum and MIL from commenting on the children’s food in my house. “Their appetite and their plate is their own business” is what I said for a long time 😬

I think a whole wrap after swimming was needed..... ignore what your mum is saying

You will never ever please this woman
and now you’re caring for her
she’s controlling and nasty
i wouldn’t be doing anything for her - she’s an adult if she doesn’t want carers that’s her choice.
leave her to it
she’s a nightmare

Of course a wrap is fine for a lunch, especially after swimming. They’d be hungry.
ignore your mum and ensure she doesn’t keep commenting on what the kids are eating in front of them.

Well if you’re intent on subjecting yourself to this abusive parent, at least shield your children from her

Your mum is ridiculous and obviously has food issues.
If your children finished the wrap they were obviously hungry.
I'm always surprised by how much my grandchildren eat sometimes . They are all very slim, they are also very active, growing and they burn off a lot of calories.

Your mother has a toxic view of food which has affected you....and now she has turned it on to your children?

For goodness sake protect your children from her.

One inappropriate comment is all it takes for an eating order to arise.
So damaging to children.

Yeah when my grown son was four he would easily eat a wrap, fruit and drink. This isn’t too much and it’s not like it was a whole pizza or tub of ice cream.

You mum is being unreasonable. For reference my son is a pro athlete now and always ate loads (and honestly eats like three portions now!)

People really need to stop derailing the thread by bickering about whether a wrap counts as a treat and whether they’re expensive or not. None of that is relevant.

OP, you clearly know that your mother has major hang-ups around food and eating, so you know perfectly well that you can safely ignore any nonsense she tells you about food. Your kids are fine and what you give them for lunch is none of your mother’s business. You would do well to tell her that, in very blunt terms.

Let them eat the wrap. Get the kids to eat 3 healthy meals a day. A few treats. As much running around or exercise as they can do. Go outside as much as possible. Don't worry too much - your mum sounds like she has an issue with food!

Perfectly fine for them to have wraps at their ages, why on earth not?

You don't have to care for her just because it 'is expected'.

She chose not to have carers. So don't be a carer.

When she chooses to have care, find carers for her.

You do not have to do what she wants anymore. You are a parent and your children are your priority.

Are you an only child? The eldest? The geographical closest? Or just female?

You don't have to be her carer.

It’s not like you have them a tube of Pringles…
My DS doesn’t eat much at all, I’d love to get a wrap into him.
I’ve never thought about calories, just good fuel more than anything.

Don’t let her emotionally manipulate you into being her carer and taking on responsibilities that you don’t want to.

She can refuse outside help all she wants that doesn’t mean that you have to pick up for slack.

It sounds like you could really do with some therapy with regards to the toxic relationship you have with your mum and learning how to put up boundaries to protect you and your mental health.

Buying a wrap is a treat? Hey ho. Ywnbu

@Foodfumbles That's basically a sandwich! I gave DS (21 months) a sandwich made with two slices of bread, cream cheese and ham for lunch, (although he didn't eat all the bread.) He also had some baby plum tomatoes and an easy peeler (he ate all of those!)

You have literally zero obligation to be the scaffolding that holds up her life and demands because she refuses to accept any other options.

Your obligation is to your children. What would happen if anything happened to you? She would have to accept help.

You cannot set yourself on fire to keep another person warm; especially if that person is abusive to you. Your children deserve a happy life with you. Not to have to say later in their older years that they "never went out much because we were always at granny's and she was mean to mum".

I don't know if you've heard of them, but you might want to have a look at the MN Cockroach Cafe thread: Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026 | Mumsnet or the Stately Homes thread: SEPTEMBER 2025 - Well we took you to Stately Homes | Mumsnet. Both are long-running MN threads, the former for those with challenging elderly folks in their lives and the latter for those with complex family relationships. Both are absolute bastions of wisdom, understanding, kindness and solidarity.

Looking at the picture, and considering the ages of the children, I would personally have had them share one with some cut up cucumber/carrots/red pepper etc too.

Even without swimming beforehand, my 7 year old would demolish that wrap before asking what else there is to eat...

If they shared it, would there have been other food on offer? Because 225 calories/half a wrap is grossly insufficient as a whole meal for a growing child. Assuming they're active children, 4-8 year olds can need up to 2000 calories a day - the same as an adult woman.

Ah but the MN son is 6ft tall, skinny as a rake and inhales food. Overweight people are the only ones who gobble it, shove it in, stuff their faces.
The language is so dangerous especially aimed at children.
speaking as a daughter of a mother who always made me feel fat and ugly when j was just a normal sized child. It was so difficult to stop myself giving my daughters the same messages I had to listen to, but somehow managed it and they are gorgeous, normal sized young adults with normal sized appetites (and their paternal grandmothers ability to cook banquet sized portions of Indian food 😍).