AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

Shes 16 not 10! 16 year old can join the army and get married (not that i think they should). Im sure she could manage meeting people for a coffee!!

If she's a "baby" maybe she shouldn't be meeting people to talk about jobs. Either she's a little baby forever whose mummy and auntie have to look after her, or she can learn some basic skills

YABVU - of course a 16yo should be and to manage and she had people with her regardless.

Speaking as someone whose parents wrapped them in cotton wool and then launched them out into the world at 18 utterly unprepared for life i think you're being a bit unreasonable. Use the next 2 years before your daughter goes to uni to build up her life skills as otherwise she'll be back hone with you before the first term is finished.

If the OP doesn’t cop on and encourage her 16 year old to develop some independence, she will end up like the 33 year old on another current thread who is terrified of spending ten minutes alone on a train after her companion gets off on her way home from a gig.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5514452-to-be-nervous

I was commuting to London for work at 16.

She was fine and I bet she had a wonderful day and she should feel very proud of herself

To add - I used to get the train to London with my friends to go shopping when I was about 14 (from Buckinghamshire so probably similar distance) and my mum is pretty up tight.

Jeez

I was living alone at 16! 😆

I thought my parents were super strict and over-protective when I was younger but maybe not after reading this post. I grew up about an hour north of London, and had a Saturday job in central London at 14 years old (family friend had a business there).

My dad would sometimes drop me off at the local train station, but then I was on my own. Bought my own train ticket, jumped on a train, then a tube, then walked to my job in Oxford St, worked a full day dealing with customers before heading home again. My parents drew the line at me working a night shift much to my annoyance- they didn't want me getting home super late, but yep, I never had any problems. Nor did I feel uncomfortable. In fact, I LOVED IT!

She's 16 not 6. Sounds like she needs to be more independent.

We have taken to spelling out in Guides what exactly supervision and arrangements will be as some parents expectations are wild and want them treated like 4 not 14. Some girls are literally chaperoned everywhere and chauffeured door to door. My dd had friends not permitted to get a train to a city an hour away in sixth form holidays yet parents were expecting them to live independently at far flung universities a few months later.
I hope she thanks your sister and the couple.
It’s no wonder it’s hard for yp to get advice. They have done a lovely kind thing giving up time on a weekday to speak to a teen and some people feel it’s dodgy meeting professionals in a public coffee shop.

OTT reaction.
Totally unreasonable.

Och, wise up. At 16, DD can have sex, leave home and get married. She should be able to locate a major London railway station and jump on a train to Brighton.

She should have waited and seen her back to the station or at least communicated that she would be making her own way back.

Does she have kids? If she lives in London she probably didn’t think as at 16 years old this would be normal.

Have a calm chat with your sister.

I was wandering about exploring on buses when I was 11. I didn’t know where I was going ..it was an adventure. I also cycled off miles, all day into the countryside finding out what was there. Often had to ask how to go home. No phones then. At 16, kids used to be able to get married, not so long ago, definitely leave school,and get jobs. If she can’t navigate her way about, she needs to learn. Parenting is about teaching children to be independent, not about keeping them dependent . She will do better next time…and you should be encouraging it

At 16 your daughter couldn't possibly have asked her aunt how to get home, before she left the cafe? 🙄

It's embarrassing the couple felt the need to actually escort her to the train station, and wait until she got on the train, instead of just giving her directions.

Also, does your DD not know how to use her phone?

I was abroad on holiday with my mates at 16.. not saying that is ideal but just to give you a different perspective!!!!

(I wouldn’t let my daughter do that now.)
I think London is ok. Presumably your dd had a phone and google maps! Xo

She's 16, this is the kind of experiences she should be having. Getting her bearings, finding her way. Has she got a phone ? If she does then she has the ability to easily contact for help. I was working an evening and weekend job at that age and transporting myself there and back.

Is this a reverse? Are you the sister that arranged this and got bollocked?

I’d encourage your dd to get a pt job after her GCSEs, McDonalds did my 16 yr old world of good.
And encourage her to branch out maybe with a friend and go to new places under own steam in hols.
Take a step back and encourage her to book own appointments, return goods in shops etc.
They can stay in youth hostels from 16. Mine went by train as a little group age 16/17 to a concert and stayed overnight in a hostel, train was rail replacement part of way so needed to deal with that too.
It’s much better if they get used to some independence rather than turn 18 and be unable to cope away from home.

YABU, My DD turned 16 in the August, and in the September she was making two train journeys taking an hour and half to get to 6th form college.

You need to give her the confidence to branch out a bit!

A 16 year old should be able to travel to London by themselves unless she has additional needs. Yabu unless there is additional needs you not mentioned

I can understand you would have preferred your sister to escort your DD to her train home from London as it was her first time in London alone and to be a supportive presence at the meeting, but your DD managed really well,tell her you are proud of her. How did your DD feel about it?
But i think YABU to be furious.
Sound like it was a helpful experience for your DD in many ways.

16... Or 6? They have to grow up eventually.