AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

The demonstration or road closure point

First time my then 15 year old got train alone to a big city 1 hr 15 mins away there was a man on train acting suspiciously and saying he had a bomb.
They stopped the train and all passengers had to climb down onto tracks and evacuate.
She followed direction of guard in uniform to evacuate carriage. She stood with two middle aged ladies with their suitcases. She called me and asked her to pick her up from x town. When I arrived the area was cordoned off lots of police and bomb squad did 2 controlled explosions. We still laugh about it. I’d reminded her about double checking she was on correct train, keep phone safe etc but bomb threat wasn’t on my radar!

Yes, it's not the most aesthetically pleasing of tube lines, but it's absolutely fine.

Same here, born and bred Londoner. I have no idea what that poster is on about.

This is so far removed from my experience of London. Every time I've seen anyone have a little trip etc people have rushed to help. Same with older people and luggage etc. I'm sorry if this happened to your friend (although don't 100% understand how she knew what was happening around her if she had passed out) but most people - like in any town or city - are nice.

@SomeTameGazelles Well exactly. Not pretty but functional.

She's 16. She has a phone. No problem.

Yep I agree with you!

Travelled on the Northern Line a lot, it was a bus ride away from me on South London, I’ve no idea whatsoever what you’re talking about!

I’ve seen various issues, from serious (I presume heart attack), to small issues (child falling down a couple of steps) and always passengers helping. Because believe it or not, the northern line doesn’t carry just dangerous unreasonable people, like every other line, it is a cross section of the population! It’s runs from Morden to High Barnet, with many many stops in between and many different passengers.

I’d moved down to London, having never been before, from the north when I was 16. I didn’t know a single soul. Got a flat, got a job, learnt to get around. This was before google maps an city mapper too - I used to carry a tiny London A-Z around with me, everyone did 🤣

@ThisPeachHam Yes. Exactly! No mum or auntie hovering!

At 16 I was doing work experience in central London, using an a to z to navigate, taking the train. I also had a job clearing tables in a cafe and chatting to strangers all day. It sounds like your daughter used her voice to ask for help and received it.

YABU, my 17 year old took transatlantic flights by herself, including transfers.

Yeah you are being VERY unreasonable

agreed. Sounds like they walked her to the station and looked after her, presumably trustworthy too as your sister knows them and you agreed to the meeting.

frankly your post is indicative of a huge problem of helicopter parenting. I worry about how some of today’s teenagers are going to cope as adults.

Doubt they were impressed about having to babysit her and they wouldn’t be recommending her for a job at their firms.

It was fine today.

This is.. bizarre. At 16 I was moving out. It was daylight, with adults that she had a network with, it was pre-arrangd, presumably she walked FROM the station.

That's very different than a 15 year old who's on their 16th birthday night out in an unfamiliar town, a dead phone, with no access to a bank card or something.

OP, gently, you REALLY need to prepare her for the world better. there won't always be a supervising adult around, and you need to start building her life/risk management skills on this type of day out about 2-3 years ago!

I think you’ve had a hard time here, and I’d be annoyed with my sister too. It needed to be clear what the plan was and then you could have primed your daughter to navigate it it; after all, it sounds like a great opportunity. Not every 16 year old is ready to gad about unfamiliar cities - she is still a school girl - but it is important to stretch her comfort zone.

Your sister treated your daughter respectfully, and as a capable 16 year old. She didn't treat her like a child, and hover or oversee the meeting. She let the three of them have their meeting without intrusion or 'mothering' your DD. When I was 16 I loved to have adults treat me as capable and independent, rather than fussing over me. I'd consider your sister's actions as excellent auntie-ing.

But clearly you're not returning to read it resources.

It needed to be clear what the plan was and then you could have primed your daughter to navigate it

Why would op need to 'prime' her daughter? Isn't a 16yo capable of communicating directly with her aunt and planning accordingly?

But she is 16?! I moved to London by myself (from abroad) when I was 18. Worked out by myself how the trains and everything else worked. Yabu. It’s not fair to let your daughter live under a rock OP.

She wasn't gadding about London; she was returning to the railway terminus she recently arrived at, from a cafe which was, presumably, nearby. Barring disability, any 16 year old should be able to achieve this with ease.

I’ve lived in London since 2000 and I don’t really think it’s changed that much tbh.

@Monty36 Avoid some tube lines? Really? I never avoid any line? Yes, dc should know how to keep belongings safe and how to spot anything suspicious but no tube line is unsafe and ditto buses. You just need antennae to move away from behaviour that’s not ok but to be fair, I rarely see it during the day!

If that happened, it was incredibly unusual. I've had a couple of incidents in London when I've tripped and fallen, both times passers-by instantly came to my aid, were incredibly kind and couldn't do enough to help. That's also what I've observed when other people have had accidents or been taken ill.