AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

This! Your DD needs to build her own resilience - she‘s 16!

She'd be fine. Can't she use the map on her phone?

You do know 16yo go to festivals on their own, and school and college and apprenticeships and on public transport.
She was in a cafe with 2 people your sister knew. Seriously!

DS was Y11 last year. Post GCSE’s he took him himself off to Wimbledon (we live in SE London) camped overnight for Wimbledon tickets, in a leaky, too small tent (he was woefully under prepared, despite my guidance), organised getting tickets, joining the various queues for Centre Court etc. He got himself home 11pm the following night, slightly sunburnt (see woefully under prepared), tired, but having had a brilliant adventure. They really need to be capable of a bit of independence by that age.

She probably didn’t realise she was expected to babysit a 16yo? Presumably she had a phone with Google maps etc?

It is a life skill and one you need to teach her, to navigate around places, use maps on her phone, also street signs pointing you to where you need to go. I am sure all of these are on London lamp posts, maps, you are here and all that.

She needs to start paying attention to where she is, where she is going etc. The same when she is in the car, if there was an accident she needs to know her location. Consider apps like What Three Words.

You need to equip her to be out in the world and exactly what @AtIusvue says what to do if x, y, z happens. Firstly, get her to think these things through for herself, don't problem solve for her. If she cannot do it then talk her through it. Plus she should know your mobile and her Dad's mobile number off by heart.

She's 16 and almost an adult. If she wasn't capable of coping in this very simple situation, then I'm afraid you have failed her terribly as a parent.

Unless, of course, there are significant SEN that you have failed to mention in your OP which make your dd much less capable than other young people of her age? But then, surely you'd think to mention this in the OP if that were the case?

I am genuinely amazed at how useless some young adults are - it’s not even their fault.

Absolutely this

Where are you getting that the sister 'implied she would look after' the 16yo from?

"my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions."

"This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple."

Sister did exactly what was agreed. I would not expect that my own 16yo niece or nephew needed babysitting all day, especially if the context was to talk about a work opportunity. Embarrassing to do that and look so immature at the same time.

OP you should send your sister a nice message thanking her (and her contacts) for the wonderful opportunity and maybe teach your daughter how to use her phone.

My 15yr old DD would be more than fine with finding her way back, I think you're being unreasonable OP on that account but it is strange that your sister didn't stay with her or ask if it's ok to leave her.

I hope this thread and its fairly unanimous responses might be the wake up thread that you need to start preparing your dd for life at 18 op. In two very short years, it’s possible that your dd may choose uni/a job in a different country. If at 16 she’s never even been to a city within an hour of her house by herself, then she’s about two years behind I’d say.
for me with my dds, I started with the different country at 18 possibility and then worked the steps backwards.

She probably didn’t realise she was expected to babysit a 16yo? Presumably she had a phone with Google maps etc?

Or as my mother always used to say 'You've got a tongue in your head. You can ask'.

If aunt set up the meeting on the basis that dd is considering a career in the field, it would have been infantilising for her to stay and sit in on the meeting. And maybe she had somewhere she needed to be and had taken time out of her day to meet dd.

It sounds like a perfect gentle intro to London. And she showed good initiative asking for directions.

She has a couple more years to spread her wings and build her confidence before going to uni.

Agreed. In Scotland for example she'd be at uni next year. I'm a lawyer and colleagues of mine who work with refugees were volunteering at Calais etc from the age of 18/19. One snuck into the Gaza strip after their first year of university and worked there over the whole summer holiday.

Your sister set the whole thing up and got her there. She was actually pretty kind and thoughtful.

I left home at 16! I feel sorry for your DD that your parenting has left her with inadequate social skills.

A 16 year old should be perfectly capable of getting herself around London, it's very easy.
OP, maybe divert your energy into encouraging your daughter into being more independent and streetwise?

Are you serious?

She's 16, she could leave school and get a job if she wanted. She should be at the very least be able to hold a conversation in a public place with two young adults her aunt introduces her to, and navigate one of the easiest public transport networks in the world.

Your sister did a kind thing for her niece. You've been completely unreasonable.

Oh the irony of a 16 year old interested in helping refugees, given their likely horrendous journey to reach a safe point, needing help to get to a main station in one of the safest and well served by public transport cities in the world. And mummy agreeing she needs handholding.

My 16 year old travels all over the county for her part time job. Most of the time to places she's never been before. She uses Google Maps and has a great knowledge of the rail network now. You're being absolutely ridiculous.

I was living on my own at 16.

OP you should send your sister a nice message thanking her (and her contacts)

No, DD should do that. If the couple gave dd their contact details, she should be sending a thank you message direct.

Oh, is this a reverse?

At 16 she should be able to use Google maps and navigate. It's daytime in the centre of London, not a dangerous place.

Assume your sister was at work and popped out to collect her and introduce her. She did a really nice thing organising this.