AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

I think YABU unless you specifically said please do not leave X on her own with these sensible 25 year old lawyers and please see her back to the station afterwards because she is not familiar with the transport. Your sister supposedly lives in London and possibly has children of her own? Because London teenagers go in to central using public transport all the time, so why would your DSis think your DD required hand-holding, especially as she had traveled up on her own? She had done your family a favour organising the meet. I think she would rightfully be really upset if you gave her an earful over doing you a favour.

@Rubexellen
i don’t mean to sound harsh but if your 16 year old can’t navigate the return journey to the station and back home this is where you need to put your focus, instead of setting up meetings for hypothetical future careers.

It’s not meant as a criticism of your daughter, just something to bear in mind because the fact that you were angry at your sister shows you feel that a day trip to London is beyond your child’s capabilities, otherwise you would have told her yourself that that’s the plan.

“Abandoned” is a very strong and inflammatory word.

She was dropped off at a meeting to discuss career opportunities. The people she met would have assumed she would know how to make her way back to the same station she arrived at. Not unreasonable at all.

As she was unsure of the directions - she had the following options:

call her mother
call her auntie
use her phone to check directions
ask the people to direct her back
ask the staff in the cafe for directions

As it was the people walked her back so there was NO abandonment whatsoever. Your language is hyperbolic and silly. The DD is 16 not 6.

Exactly. It is completely ridiculous. My sister was commuting to work in London at sixteen

A sixteen-year-old should be able to find her way around an unfamiliar location in broad daylight. Her parents should have taught her the necessary skills at least two years ago.

I honestly thought you were going to say your daughter had additional needs. Life can be really hard and she needs to be ready for it. Don’t chip away at her resilience before she evens develops any.

This. There should’ve been some sort of conversation to prepare for contingencies.

BUT she solved her own problem and asked the people which is good initiative. Stop babying her.

Don’t be daft. It was a couple auntie new meeting in a cafe. Nobody was let down. She’s 16!

She's 16 fgs not 6. You are being completely unreasonable. Your sister did a really nice thing for your dd and gave up her time and energy. I would be buying her some flowers to say thank you.

Your daughter sounds incredibly sheltered. I'm not from London but I was travelling around it on my own at 16, before I had a mobile phone.

You should be thanking your sister for arranging this for your daughter - not everyone gets that kind of opportunity handed to them on a plate, and it will have cost your sister something, even if that is a returned favour.

My God my Mum married my dad at 16 and had me 9 months later. She kept a house and worked at 16. Just to add my parents had a long happy marriage

You sister probably didn't think. I got into trouble for assuming a friend's 17yo visiting london for a Uni open day would be happy to get from the mainline station to my local tube station (no changes involved).

I assumed this as the kids I see most often (London based) have been meeting me independently at our destination (think Tate, V&A) since they went to secondary school. We usually do at least one outing each school holiday.

As I'm used to this it never crossed my mind that a much older child would need a higher level of supervision. I think it was a wake up call to said child's parent who realised that maybe not all 17yo get endlessly chauffeured around by Mum&Dad and that independent public transport usage does happen!

To be fair where they live public transport isn't so good but there is some including a good train into their local city which I would have imagined would be a key destination for a teenage shopping trip.

Talk about a helicopter parent

Surely it was just a matter of going back the way she had come just an hour or two before?

It’s completely appropriate and normal and exactly how a casual introduction should be conducted

My DDs went to school for a term in South Africa for an exchange with another school. Only 2 girls went each time. We waved them off at Heathrow and gave them a hug 3 months later! They were 13. I find it incredible a 16 year old cannot navigate London in order to get back to the station! Frankly, it’s pathetic and the op really needs to teach her DD life skills. Mine could navigate London by then too. We don’t live there. Why are dc babied like this?

At 16 we went on a school trip to London... dropped off at a certain point and told to be back for 5pm!

She's old enough to join the army, get married, drive a moped, have a full time job.... Jesus helicopter parents

My (just turned) 16 yo has been flying on his own twice a month for over a year (to and from London).

You do know she's old enough to:

Have sex
Work
Have her own bank account
Be a company director

She really ought to be able to meet a couple of professional contacts on her own.

I’d have assumed she was more than capable of finding her way to a train. She’s 16, not 6. Time to stop babying her.

I was traveling to London for work at 16 & yes all on my own. I know things are different now but it's a good learning experience for your daughter

Also, if she's interested in working with refugees she'll meet people her age who have been 'adulting' for many years. She can't be this green!

Good Lord.
At 16 I was walking well over a mile to the station, getting a train into London, getting across London and getting another train out the other side. This was before Google Maps and mobile phones.

You really need to encourage her to be independent and to learn to problem-solve. In two years she could be at uni at the other end of the country.

Irrelevant but as someone who has tried to get their teenager ANY kind of law experience or introductions, I feel that connections of this quality should be hugely appreciated. Law is very hard to get any internship or professional advice unless your parents are lawyers already.

And YY to the PP who said any 16 year old who wants to work in migration law should get a bit savvy and streetwise.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Sounds like your DD got an awful lot out of the day. At 16 she should be able to negotiate a train journey on her own. My DS went on trains solo when he was 13. That said, I would have clarified arrangements with my sister beforehand and made sue that DD knew how to get the train and some had some basic knowledge of how to get home. Sounds like the couple were very kind to help her though.