AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

If you’ve done a semi-decent job of raising her then she should be absolutely fine.
Many 16 year olds work in a cafe - would you be furious they’ve had to speak to strangers? Would you be furious the had to go through the trauma of following google maps to public transport?

You’re massively unreasonable.

This.
Your sister did what was agreed.

She’s 16, she should be able to find her way back to the station. I’m guessing she has a phone/ maps?

I wouldn’t like this either. I’d expect my sister to stay. The couple could have had unpleasant intentions and the introduction and vouching for was the sisters role. I wouldn’t have prepared with my daughter as I would have thought Auntie was there for support. Yep I would definitely feel my sister let me down

That's true - DD should thank her aunty and the couple - who I'm sure have much better things to do with their time than hang out with a 16yo they then have to transport half way home. OP should also thank her sister though.

….and we wonder why Young People don’t have any resilience

Echo PP here she is 16!!! My niece is 16 and works (in scotland) in full time! She doesnt have anyone holding her hand. At 16 i was travelling independently around europe and that wasnt a hundred years ago...

An aspect I hadn’t considered. If you and/or your daughter feel too precious for this very adequate set of circumstances, how on earth will your daughter ever cope working with people with real world trauma?

Er, what! Your DD is 16, not 12.

She def need to learn independence.

She’s 16 Ffs. At 16 my two were going into London on their own on a regular basis (we were Sussex based and so about an hour straight into a mainline station).

Mine could have done this at 14. Maybe 13. And we live a similar distance away from London to you.

And I think it was really important that your DD sat with these lovely two individuals and asked her own questions and wasn’t babysat by your DSis. That would make her look like such a child.

You could, have course, run through a few things with DD before she went - was she confident with the area, the tube, the train station etc? Would she perhaps like to do a bit of sightseeing or shopping before she returned home?

She’s had a great opportunity here, set up by DSis. Don’t spoil it.

Your sister should have made it clear to your DD she would be leaving her, and making sure she knew how to get home. Yes she’s 16, but she didn’t know the way. If i’m responsible for someone else’s child, i’d be staying nearby and waiting.

She’s 16 ffs!!!

I can understand you being protective of your dd. Just because someone is 16 doesn’t mean they are suddenly experienced and confident at everything in life.

Dd didn’t panic, she asked for directions, they were lovely to accompany her - it all turned out fine. They weren’t strangers to your sister.

It’s normal and good for her to be a bit uncomfortable doing things for the first time. That’s how we learn and grow.

I mean this kindly but is your daughter well known in the family as a complete incompetent? Ie if your sister knows this she should have taken greater care?

Are you serious? She’s 16. I had moved out at that age

I waiting for the drip feed of SEN or it was a typo and she is actually only 6yrs old 🙄

Yeah, honestly this ought to be a situation a 16yo can deal with. Talking with adult strangers you have been introduced to without a familiar person around and navigating independently should to be something anyone that age is able manage. If she is planning on going to university or starting work in two years she needs to be prepared with these life skills .

Why on earth would a couple who were specifically asked by the OP’s sister to explain their work in immigration to the OP’s daughter over a coffee in a public place have ‘unpleasant intentions’?

Blimey, things have changed since I was young! At 16 I had been travelling all over the place by myself for about 3 years. Getting the last bus home from places about 20 plus miles away, walking down country lanes by myself at night, taking myself off to festivals.
Are you normally this overprotective?

Waiting for op to come back and declare the 16yo is blind/deaf/otherwise disabled and with learning difficulties..

Jk. Op won't be back.

YABU to have such a helpless 16 year old.

I have two daughters around this age. I would be really grateful for the opportunity your DD got in your situation.

My elder DD at the same age headed into a US multinational based in a large city and had the opportunity to shadow a friend of mine for the day.

I was so very grateful. She made her own way up and down in the train it gave her an idea of a daily commute. I thought it was a really fantastic opportunity for her.

This is very OTT. My divorced parents sent me on a 1 hour train to London. Expected me to use the tube and cross to the next major train station (Paddington) and get a 2 hour train to my other parent. I was 12. I managed just fine

At 16 I would’ve been delighted to be dropped in London for the day without a supervising adult, and would’ve taken the opportunity to piss off once I’d had the (hopefully fully comped?) coffee and chat. I’m always trying to get my 16 year old to be a bit more adventurous and this doesn’t seem like a particularly unsafe way of practicing using public transport. I think you’re overreacting op, but we all have different expectations for our kids!