AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

I have to say I’m more astounded by the reference to professional people in their mid to late twenties as ‘young adults’…!

The OP knew her daughter was meeting a couple related to a friend of her aunt’s. These weren’t complete randoms.

What’s wrong with a coffee shop? In London? Do you think it’s unsafe? If so, why?

What offices do you think will allow a 16yo, unrelated to their business to just wonder in for an informal meeting? Have you ever worked in offices before?

With kindness, I think my 12 year old daughter would be able to work out how to get back to a trail station as long as she had a smart phone with her.

Perhaps spend some time supporting her to be more independent and do some test runs with public transport/big cities or she will really struggle when she goes to uni (which presumably she will of she wants to go into immigration law/similar)

I wouldn't be "beyond angry" but would definiyely make my conclusions about teaching my daughter basic life skills like finding train station on google maps and figuring out which train to take.

I’d expect a 16 year old to be able to walk a short way back way she had come (if need be using google maps) and get back on train she had come in on.
It sounds like a misunderstanding.
I think what your sister did was fine she met her at station and walked to meeting and made intro.
The couple sound kind giving up time to speak to random teen and then checking she was ok back to station and going with her when she was unsure.

She’s 16, not 6!

She should be more than capable of finding her way around a city in the middle of the day herself.

Equally, she should be more than capable of speaking to strangers in a public cafe/station. Not that they were strangers, they were introduced by your sister!

My teenagers are all over the city during the holidays. I don’t keep track of them, they are on their own, or with friends, or may even strike up a conversation with a complete stranger in a cafe or station for all I know.

Of course this is a chat that your sister shouldn’t have been sitting in for, it changes the dynamic. She could have waited elsewhere but it also wasn’t necessary

Blimey, I grew up in the middle of nowhere with not much parental supervision and I managed to get myself down to London for work experience and Uni visits at this age, pre-internet....

Maybe think about resilience skills for the DD.

YABVU. Both your sister and this couple went out of their way to do your daughter a favour to help her in her career choices. You and your DD owe them both a big thank you.

She’s 16 not 6, if she hadn’t got the common sense to find out how to get to a station then she’s got issues!

your 16yo doesn't know how maps work?

So OP hasn’t been back because the thread didn’t go down the way she expected?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with an informal chat over coffee - it wasn’t an interview, this is a perfectly normal thing to do in business. I’d happily have a coffee with a friends 16 year old to talk to them about my work (banking). I’d not go to all the hassle of registering them with Reception, booking a meeting room, organising a visitors pass etc to give them a few hints and tips. And no, Zoom is no substitute for a face to face meeting.

I think it's reprehensible that your sister didnt make sure your DD didn't know how to get back to the station it would gave been wise but apart from that YABU.

I got myself back to England from Paris on the boat train (remember that anyone?) when I was 16. I seem to remember 3 men attaching themselves to me but nothing bad happened.

Your 16 year old is apparently old enough to want to talk to people about careers in a think tank but can’t navigate using google maps. Do you see you might be getting your priorities wrong here OP?

YABU, sorry. Your DD is 16 and this was London during daytime not a foreign country; in the age of smart phones in particular a 16 year-old is fully capable of figuring out a walking route back to the train station she had come from shortly prior. Being left to have coffee and chat with two people at a planned meeting in a public place after an introduction is also perfectly fine at an age where many teens work jobs interacting with the public.

Ideally your DD and DSis would have had the same expectation of DD staying to have the chat by herself and then walking back to the station - it sounds like she was just a bit caught off guard and that may have affected how she handled it - but no one was in the wrong there, they just made two different but reasonable assumptions.

Acknowledge that misalignment of expectations to your DD. Also tell her that feeling awkward sitting with these people was normal. First dates, interviews, networking opportunities, meeting a boyfriend's family, starting a new job... most of us feel insecure and a bit on edge when meeting someone we want to think well of us. Reassure her that asking for directions was perfectly fine and she successfully navigated her first solo trip to London, but offer opportunities to practice navigating different cities and public transport over the next few years so she can get more confident. Think of this as a two-year learning path to being able to travel independently and potentially move to an unfamiliar city.

Also, remind her to send a thank you to her aunt and the two people who took time to meet with her.

The irony of this 16yo being interested in refugees and immigrants...bet they were able to use Google Maps 🙄

At 16 I was working full time! Don't parents bring their children up to be useful and competent members of society? I would be mortified if my children couldn't have navigated travel and life at that age.

I stayed with an exchange family in Paris at 16. For weeks. On my own. Even, shock horror, took a train across international borders.

When my son was 10, he was walking from my work 15 minutes to the station (also in a capital city), getting the train, travelling 4 stops down the line and then walking to his primary school, all completely unsupervised (although tracked on his Apple Watch and iPhone). He then did the same on the way home (into the capital city).

If the train was cancelled, he used the Trainline app on his phone to work out the next train and platform.

If a 10 year old can manage to be independent, why can’t a 16 year old?

YABVU or is your 16 year old particularly immature?

Blimey
the things I got up to at 16 and you are worrying about this?

Oh dear. She needs to toughen up and so do you! She'll be an adult in less than 2 years and off to uni (without a babysitter!).
It sounds very safe and well organised. Meet by aunt and taken to the meeting.
Public place. Professional couple with professional qualifications and known personally to your sister. Hardly "they could have been anyone".

My son had an evening job in a restaurant at 16. He would have been absolutely mortified if I'd have come to the interview with him.

Your 16 year old has demonstrated that she is sensible enough and capable enough to deal with this. She had a problem and didn't know her way back to the station so she sensibly decided to ask the people she was with for directions. Problem solved. They went a step further and helpfully escorted her.

Citymapper or Google maps?