AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

I voted YABU as 'furious' seems like an over reaction, but I think it's reasonable to be a bit irritated if you felt that the plan was for your sister to stay.

I wouldn't even do this with my own kids though , never mind some else's - it's embarrassing and would have inhibited the conversation with the young adults IMO.

It sounds like you should have clarified the arrangements properly with your sister.

And how did your DD feel about it?

I used to go down to London at 16, with a female friend, to go round art galleries - about 1.5 hrs on the train, long before mobile phones and the like. Worked out in advance what tube trains we'd need etc. I don't remember anything alarming happening, other than once seeing Sarah Ferguson in the street 😆 Obviously everyone is different but it shouldn't be beyond an average 16 year old.

She’s 16, not 6.

Instead of being angry at your sister you need to look inward and figure out why you haven’t sufficiently taught and guided your 16yo how to navigate Google Maps and be a bit more independent.

PFBs have to grow up eventually, OP.

Im assuming your dd has a phone… tell her to use it.

My own 16 year old would be mortified to be babysat!

My 16 year old granddaughter can read a tube map, a paper map, use google maps and the TFL journey planner, and she lives bloody miles from London. She could also, I’m confident, walk back along a route she’d recently walked, or if she wasn’t sure, ask someone for directions. She could definitely have a chat with two people in a public place without needing her hand held.

If yours can’t, you need to be showing her how to navigate and find information about new places.

It was nice of your sister to arrange this, and good of her to meet your daughter and show her the route, and make the introductions. I think it’s unreasonable to expect anything else.

Tubes would be utter chaos if parents were still accompanying all year 11s and under to school and back…

I commuted into central London for two weeks on work experience at 15, I also got the bus or train to school. She's 16!!

Yes I was thinking this.

Being connected to these people as a favour is something that you should be so grateful for @Rubexellen .

So many young people are struggling so much to break into employment at the moment - this was a huge networking favour and may open doors for your DD.

At 16 I would not expect my Dsis to stay and supervise such a meeting. If you are so protective, why didn't you go with her?

Also London is one of the easiest places to navigate - signs everywhere, maps everywhere, Tube station staff always available to answer questions and all in English!

Have you never taken your DD to London on the train? Brighton is not far out.

My DD is 12 and she has done train journeys Surrey to London (off peak admittedly) with instructions, a
phone and a requirement to confirm arrival and departure times etc

Does your DD know how to use Google maps / TFL go / etc?

Also, could she not have called you when the meeting ended?

I think you are being VVVVVU and if I was your sister and you went mad at me for this I would never, ever offer any networking opportunities like this ever again.

You need to thank your sister and encourage your DD to be more confident and resilient. She is very close to an age where she will be off to Uni.

OP I think you are getting an unfair time here.
if Your DD isn’t used to finding her way around I can imagine you were concerned And understandably so. It’s hard getting used to the idea of our children navigating their way but she did well and you should be proud of her.

I would bet your sister didn't think it was expected to accompany a 16 yesr old back the way they came...

If your DD is not yet mature enough to travel independently then you should have made it very clear to your sister.

Hopefully you've realised from this thread that most people would assume a 16 yo would be able to manage alone in London.

This.

I have to say I voted YANBU.
You had no idea who she was meeting. A chat over coffee in a cafe would not have pleased me either. An office environment would have been more appropriate. A zoom call much better.
And how well does your sister actually know them ?
Being sixteen if you know London may be alright. But being sixteen and in London that you do not know meeting two strangers is not.

Are you saying you wouldn’t have allowed her to go if you knew she wouldn’t be chaperoned the whole time? Your sister took your DD to meet the couple so your DD knew they were the right people, she then just had to do the same journey in reverse. The unfortunate part is that she still hasn’t been to London alone yet

She's 16 not 6!

Good lord, she could be in the army at 16. Lots of 16 year olds have Saturday jobs that they have to travel to. At 16 you should be encouraging a bit of independence not mollycoddling them.

I disagree.

I don’t think people are being unfair they are trying to provide a reality check for OP @Rubexellen because her expectations are not realistic.

How do think children in London get to school? Do you honestly think all parents walk / drive their kids to school? At 16?

If OP lives in Brighton - travel into London should have been covered between maybe between ages 13-15 if I am being generous.

Worry is one thing - all parents worry - but being “raging” angry at the sister is ridiculous.

Also - why did DD not know to phone / text her own mum if she was unsure what to do? It’s not on the sister - at all.

I'm London born and bred, so have learnt to navigate around London since my teens. I wouldn't leave a 16 year old to make their own way back to the station - in fact I wouldn't leave any out of town visitor (regardless of age) unless I knew they were confident in finding their way.

Your sister didn't need to sit in on the conversation but she shouldn't have completely abandoned your daughter.

Concerned is one thing, "beyond angry" is quite another.

Op should have clarified expectations ahead of time with her sister instead of making assumptions.

You are so totally unreasonable

At 16 I think this fine. I wouldn’t have been beyond furious at all

You’re being utterly inreasonable, your sister did nothing wrong and a 16 year old is more than old enough to meet some people for a work meeting in a public place. They kindly took her back to the station but quite frankly it would also have been fine for her to use google map to get herself back or ask for directions

I think you should be thankful for the opportunity she lined up. Loads of kids are travelling the world by 17/18 on gap years. It’s a good life experience for her.

I moved in with my boyfriend at 16 in London of all places

I was getting buses around London at 10yo without a grown up, you need to focus on your daughter's independence rather than be angry at your sister.