AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

Stop babying your daughter and teach her some life skills.

Your sister was a little thoughtless to not have explicitly arranged a return to the station to the satisfaction of the group before leaving. It must have been an unexpected bit of disorientation for your daughter, and unprepared responsibility for the young couple.

But not a major problem and it sorted itself out, without your daughter being exposed to the Cybermen in the sewers, or becoming a victim of the imminent Dalek invasion etc.

And she'll have learnt from the exercise and feel a bit more grown up as a result.

16 is fine. Even in 1984 this would be fine. And in 2026, she has the technology in her phone to help her.

YABU. It’s normal to do work experience at that age and to travel and interact with working people alone.

But she's 16!! She has to learn to work stuff out for herself at some point.

Shes 16. Yabu

Seems like there was a breakdown in communication between you and your sister regarding these arrangements, you assumed she would stay with your DD and sister assumed that a 16 year old would want to manage the meeting alone 🤷‍♀️.

Of course she was uncomfortable - she was doing something for the first time outside her comfort zone. And from her account she smashed it and even managed to figure out how to get to the train station when she didn’t know (asking for assistance). All important life skills.

How you respond to your daughter will either build or destroy her newly found confidence. Only appropriate response is to let her know how proud you are of her, and to thank your sister for the opportunity.

I left home and went to work in London at 17. OK, so the world was a bit different then. As in NO Google maps. Just paper ones and an Underground map.

She's almost an adult. Cut the apron strings a bit.

Everyone is different - the OPs daughter gets herself around Brighton so for people to imply OP didn’t teach her how to handle a city or London does not make sense.

From the age of 6 months our twins have travelled all over the world with us and with every opportunity for scouts/guides and school trips (including overseas trips) we have encouraged them to go. I have worked and lived in London and our children were born there - we moved out as we thought outside of London was a better place for them to grow up.

We have taken the children to London - but it’s not somewhere they have asked to go as teens. Maybe Covid played a role in that as they were not going out much during that period obviously. But if I had a child interested in going to London, I would encourage them to start going there with friends and build up to going by themselves. Sure anyone can get around with using Google maps - but it’s not really about that. It’s about having to deal with situations that might arise in a big city that might not happen elsewhere in the uk. I remember I glanced at a man and smiled when I was with a toddler at the traffic lights - he followed us into the bank threatened to kill me and the staff had to hide us in an office and call the police. The police said mental health issues are a huge issue and without support these people are on the streets sadly.

This is just one of many stories I have of living and working in London where you have a few seconds to make the right decisions. My kids are bright (at uni now) but they both have inattentive adhd and have taken longer than other kids to work out how the outside world works. At 16 they would have needed some experience with travelling to London with friends before I felt comfortable they had enough street smarts to navigate London.

I’m agog that anyone could think that a sixteen year old couldn’t have a coffee with a couple in their twenties without a chaperone.

It was very kind of them to meet with her and of your sister to set it up.

Your answer to ‘I felt uncomfortable’ should have been ‘well maybe, and that’s understandable because it was quite a big deal but yoi managed it all perfectly well’.

The only person who has not done a good job in this entire scenario is you.

They clearly were one of the concerns.

”Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.”

@Students2
Think Covid as an excuse for
inept teens/adults really needs put to bed, it’s been 6 years now.
I see on here plenty who do nothing to build their child’s resilience and see to think it’s a badge of pride that their little Matilda (who is in fact 22) needs mummy to support her.

I can’t imagine what the problem is? She is 16yo and it was out in public near public transport. Your sister didn’t drive her out to a remote location and leave her alone with a few strangers. You are being very odd. Does your DD not have a casual job outside of school (fast food or whatnot) where she interacts with strangers in public and gets transport?

My ds moved out and did an apprenticeship aged 16. My 14yo ds has SEN, and got a bus to work experience across town independently after I showed him where to go on day 1. They need to learn to find their way to a train station independently.

Yab massively U. The fact your DD panicked and had no clue what to do, suggests she’s been massively babied. This would be normal for a 16yo.

She didn't panic, she coped. The only person not coping here is the OP but hopefully she's rethinking her initial reaction.

How did you get that these sentences were some sort of excuse? “We have taken the children to London - but it’s not somewhere they have asked to go as teens. Maybe Covid played a role in that as they were not going out much during that period obviously.”
Covid happened when my kids were young teens … they didn’t ask to go to London after Covid so why is that an excuse? Sending kids to London age 15, without kids asking to go, is not a parenting must do.

You sound like many people on this thread who are getting some sort of superiority kick out of criticising other people’s life choices.

Brighton IS a city! My dgd who also lives "fairly close to Brighton" Very rural, also 16, travels to London on the train to meet up with people. (She is also nd) My oldest DD left home at 16, she wanted to work with horses and had to live on site. She now whips round the planet alone!

I would respond but it’s clear OP isn’t coming back🤣

Gosh I was working at 16 on evenings and weekends after college, travelling to independent kiosks all over south London. No Google maps in them days either.

Also concerning that the phrase or statement 'Im not comfortable', or 'Im uncomfortable' has garnered the significance it has.

I was travelling on a train to London to work every day at that age. You are babying her

I think its not fair to leave her do the journey on her own without letting her know that thats whats going to happen if the teenager has never been to London before. Its not ok to just dissappear. I think your sister should have been clearer about the plan.

I think she's the right age to probably to start having to learn to navigate new areas and find her way on her own. ,which she did she asked the couple to help and she arrived he safely .
Unless their is SEN involved you need to back off these next 2 years are her navigation from young adult to adult ,believee in uni she will likely be falling out of nightclubs and random parties at all hours ,she has to learn to be able to navigate these situations safely and ha w some street smarts .