AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

TBH I’d have been appalled to find that my dds were so helpless and clueless at 16 - and this was long before Google maps.

At that age a friend and I spent 6 days in London on our own, staying at a YWCA while attending a German course. Home was 100 miles away. My DM told me clearly how to navigate the Tube - easy! - and that was about it, apart of course from Don’t Talk To Strange Men!

No one is in the wrong here or being unfair. The daughter made an assumption that the aunt would be there. The aunt made an assumption that it was a given that she wouldnt be there.

Neither communicated the 'plan' and quite frankly I wouldnt have thought there would need to be an overt plan, Im introducing you to some people, thats it. It wouldnt cross my mind that there would need to be some sort of 'arrangement' to get back to the station.

Brighton may be a city but certainly feels as a town to me.

No I think DD very overdue figuring this type of thing out.

If your sister had let her know she’d need to get some public transport I think a child several years younger should have managed it. At 16 she should be able to “spontaneously” manage this. You’re talking like asking someone for directions is something distressing, surely that’s normal to ask occasionally, even with google maps.

Equally, the OP and her daughter should have been clearer on their assumptions. Seems that both sides assumed that their plan was the understood plan.

My sixteen year old went (with a couple of mates, granted) on a week long holiday to the other end of the country after GCSEs. She was still sixteen when she navigated buses to a city she had never been to for a taster day at a uni. She was fine. I had life 360 if needed but didn’t need it.

You have an almost adult.

let go.

Complete overreaction

True. Leaving one's comfort zone is part of growing and developing - at any age, I'm still doing it and I'm 70+.

I was travelling around London with an A-Z by myself from the age of 14. I think this situation is absolutely fine for your daughter, and good for building confidence, resilience and remembering to plan ahead in future.

Red bus rover? Those were the days!

Your daughter needs to learn some life skills. Start with Google maps. YABVU.

Haha, not quite, this was the 90's 🙂

I was commuting to London for work at 16. I had my first job in the Tottenham Court Road. No idea how to get there, no smartphones back in the 70s. Train then tube. I had to use my noodle to learn.

How long do you intend to wrap her in cotton wool @Rubexellen?

You are aware you’re DD will be legally an adult in a few years time? Getting herself to a train station in an unfamiliar city will be the sort of thing she will need to be able to do…

Especially if she wants to work there. Aunty can't be expected to take her and then wait for her everywhere. It's ridiculous, OP.

London years ago was not the London of today. I was born there and was used to travelling in it. Even since the 80’s and 90’s.
If you knew it a bit and went with a friend sure, at 16 + and as a girl you could go round.
London now is far busier. Phones get snatched. Some tube lines are to be avoided at all costs. The last thing you want to look in London or anywhere like Manchester etc is a bit vulnerable and ‘lost’. Or find yourself caught up in a demonstration or road closure and not know another way to get from A to B.
Everyone saying the OP is being over dramatic, no.
The other thing is that at 16, some will be more like 20. Some 16 year olds might be a bit more like 14. A few years catching up to do. The OP will know her daughter and know where she sits on that scale.

To be honest at 16 I think your daughter should have known where she was going and where it is in relation to the train station.
You are being overprotective.
From being 14 I used to get a train from Paddington cross London to Victoria and get a train to my Dad's on the Brighton line. I bought an Ato Z so I could do some shopping in between.
Your daughter is launching into adult life in less than 2 years- better she prepares now.

Of course you’re unreasonable to be “furious”.
shes 16, not 6.
I assume she has a phone to work out how to get to the nearest station and pop on the tube to get her train? And if you thought she lacked such skills and couldn’t navigate foe herself independently then why didn’t you check in advance what she needed to do?
my 3 teens have navigated London since they were 13. But I always checked that they knew where to get on and off public transport and be safe.

I also think your sister wouldn’t have arranged for her niece to meet 2 ‘Strangers’, that she knows, in a busy public environment if she felt they posed a threat.

you need to get over yourself and use this as an exercise to consider how you build some resilience in your kid.

…. And if she knew her daughter that well she’d have realised she needed to make sure she knew how to get around etc. if I thought my kid might feel vulnerable I’d have had a chat in advance.

As for the concept of some tube lines should be avoided…. 😂😂😂. I’m assuming she was meeting them in daytime and not 2am, and some areas might be dodgy if you get off but not if travel through them, underground, on say the Bakerloo line. 😂

Or as my mother always used to say 'You've got a tongue in your head. You can ask'.

@HelenaWilson Are you my sister? That's exactly what my DM used to say!

OP should have gone with her if she needs help outside of her average age range.

I'm thinking back to excitement I would have had as a 16 year old been given an "unsupervised" day in London.
The bookshops, clothes shops, record shops, pressing my nose on the windows of the guitar shops on Denmark Street...looking at stuff I could never afford, museums, my first "grown up" coffee in Bar Italia...

"Life is timeless, days are long when you're young
You used to fall in love with everyone
Any guitar and any bass drum
Life is a drink and you get drunk when you're young
Life is new and there's things to be done"...

Which tube lines are to be avoided “at all costs”? Next you’ll be telling us London is under Shariah Law.

If she wants to work in those fields she needs to get a bit more savvy OP. Although actually, it sounds like she did OK, she just sensibly asked for directions. You say she's never been alone before, so presumably she has been and has some idea what to expect.

I'm really suprised teenagers living near London haven't been without adults before - don't they want to? Gigs, shopping, change of scene?