AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

Melodrama, much? DS has only just turned 14 and hasn’t even grown up in the UK, but if we’re visiting London, which we do reasonably often, he’s been taking tube journeys by himself for years.

And when the 7/7 tube bombings happened when DH and I were living in London, and all public transport stopped, most people at work in central London had no idea how to get home on foot. Everyone was buying A to Zs to figure out a route.

She's 16!

Surely if she lives near London she's been there alone before? I grew up on the edge of London and I used to go into central London all the time at that age. Shopping, gigs, days out etc. I did two weeks' work experience in central London when I was 15.

Plenty of 16-year-olds are in workplace apprenticeships. Do you think they're supervised by relatives? Do you realise that, at 16, she could join the Army?

You're really infantilising your daughter and she needs to get a lot more streetwise and independent.

Legal work experience is usually pointless now because of GDPR etc. Back in the day they could shadow solicitors or support staff but now they can’t see anything client related

She was cross with her sister. Who mum should have agreed with that she would stay.

I take it you have never travelled on the Northern line ever.
Don’t try to teach me about tube lines. I was born in London, worked in London for years.
The Northern line in daytime is not nice. Many tube stations no longer have staff on a platform and the route to get upstairs to anyone leaves you vulnerable if you needed to try. And as for other humans standing nearby, if there is an issue, forget it. They look the other way. And don’t want to get involved.

This

It's not about busy, it's about new and unexpected. Not everyone can deal with the first time going somewhere busy for the first time with 100% confidence.

She goes to Brighton with friends too. Quite different feeling being with friends, as is Brighton as a place. That's my childhood hometown and I have lived in both Brighton and 3 different areas in London. London is far more confusing the first time and far busier. Brighton has one main long road that leads to the station from the beach and also easy to find from main shopping drag, less confusing.

London years ago was not the London of today. I was born there and was used to travelling in it. Even since the 80’s and 90’s.
If you knew it a bit and went with a friend sure, at 16 + and as a girl you could go round.
London now is far busier. Phones get snatched. Some tube lines are to be avoided at all costs. The last thing you want to look in London or anywhere like Manchester etc is a bit vulnerable and ‘lost’. Or find yourself caught up in a demonstration or road closure and not know another way to get from A to B.
Everyone saying the OP is being over dramatic, no.

I grew up on the edge of London and I now live in Manchester. I spend a lot of time in both cities. And this is scaremongering bollocks. There are no Tube lines to be avoided at all costs FFS. You are highly unlikely to be robbed.

And before someone says it... no, there aren't any 'no-go areas' either.

London and Manchester are literally just ordinary cities and if your 16-year-old can't manage to move around them, you've failed as a parent. They're not war zones.

With respect to, your DD is 16.
Have you been too protective of her up to this point? She really, at that age, should have been able to cope perfectly well on her own.

this - when a lady who worked with me in london was 8 months pregnant and clearly very pregnant - she passed out on the platform ... and not one person stopped to help her. They just walked over her.

It would have been weird for your sister to hang around like she was a child, and of course your daughter was going to feel a bit uncomfortable but she is 16, she needs to learn how to act in adult situations. Sounds like the arrangements were a bit loose but presumably she had your sister's phone number if there was a problem?

When I was 15, nearly 16, I travelled from the UK across Europe on my own by coach to Italy (and back). I was fine.

She's 16! She's old enough to enlist for Christ's sake! She can sit in a busy public place and talk to someone without supervision.

Surprise surprise, the OP was another dump and run 🙄

I have girl / boy twins ... you must realise a 14 year old boy finding his way in london is not the same as a teen girl. When I lived and worked in London, it was men sexually harassing me (including several black cab drivers when I was in their cab) that is part of the safety issue. I was in my late 20s, dressed in a suit from Karen Millen coming back from a meeting at an investment bank at 10.30am to my office when the black cab driver driving me asked me if I was interested in swapping free cab rides for sex. I might have been in my late 20s but I had only just moved to London from overseas and I clearly looked vulnerable and naive to him. Then not long after, that another black cab driver driving me home late at night, suggested he would also give me free cab rides if I was to stop at a local park with him and stand on his stomach as apparently he had really strong abs and wanted to prove it to me. I rang my boyfriend in the cab and the driver let me out. London is more than just knowing how to catch the tube.

Does your sister live and work in London? In which case she's used to seeing 11 year old navigate the Tube with ease. So I think she would have assumed that your 16 year old armed with a smart phone would be able to get home.

It would be inappropriate for your DS to 'supervise' the interaction. They were meeting in a public place. It is your DD's job to make the most of the connection, it is not for her mum or her relatives to speak on her behalf with someone she wants to do an internship with. In fact I would think it was a bit weird if a mum/auntie turned up to speak to me about job opportunities for a 16 year old. It would not make a good impression.

So no don't have a 'harsh word' with your sister. Work on getting your teen to be more self sufficient and confident.

Yep, born and bred and lived in London for over 5 decades. Travel across all zones, on all lines. Like anywhere, you might have moments of feeling vulnerable, but essentially London is a safe city and not a ghetto. So thanks for the assumption that I don’t know London, but I live, work and socialise here. Think I have an idea of what I’m talking about.
and stand by my original comment- mum should have checked out the situation if she thought her daughter might feel vulnerable.

Going to back when I was young, being harassed on the street was quite normal, this was in a small market town. It's not just confined to London. Knowing how to deal with harassment, comments etc is part of growing up sadly. I learnt early on how to recognize a predator how to get out of situations etc. It still didn't stop me being sexually assaulted later in life, but that was a different situation. Unfortunately part of growing up is dealing with unpleasant things.

The Northern line in daytime, or even into the evening, is absolutely fine, I use it regularly, as do thousands of other people - I’ve even seen young teenagers on there.

Honestly I can’t agree with this. I commuted to work in the 70s as a teenager on the tube in the era of the IRA bombs - now that did feel like a daily threat.

London is rammed these days and there are so many people around that I never feel anxious. Yes, phones get snatched but that’s global and we don’t have the pickpockets some cities like Barcelona have. You are unlikely to be a victim of violent crime in London in the daytime unless it is gang related.

Sadly dodgy taxi drivers and sleazy men have always existed. In every town and village. As women we are in danger of making ourselves prisoners if we don’t inhabit the streets.

For example London Bridge station has two concourses on two entirely different levels, umpteen escalators, a tube station, a bus station and at least five different entrance points.

London Bridge also has information boards giving time, destination and platform for all trains.

Victoria, which I expect DD was using if she was going towards Brighton, also has multiple boards in different parts of the station showing departure information. Plus an information kiosk, plus ticket office, plus staff at the ticket barriers who she could ask for confirmation that she has the right platform and train.

@Monty36

Your information / experience
is completely out of date. Respectfully.

There are plenty of staff and signage and digital information boards, information kiosks as well as manned ticket machines, staff on platforms, staff at ticket gates etc

You are talking nonsense

Also what do you mean when you say some lines are safer than others?

If you are on a Tube and you feel unsafe you cant text BTP and they will meet you at the next stop.

Also your comments may be even more irrelevant as this DD was not asked to take the Tube - London to Brighton is overground. All she had to do was get to the station, buy a ticket and stand on the correct platform. At 16 this should not be a big ask.

I think some parents just automatically do everything and don’t push teens outside comfort zone and think they are being kind and keeping them safe by chauffeuring door to door or not letting them go out alone.
All of a sudden the teen is older and really behind the curve. But the parents don’t grasp how sheltered the teen is and get angry when they are treated in an age appropriate way.
It sometimes takes more time and effort on part of parent but they do need experiences. Eg them getting public transport rather than you driving them.
Even speaking to staff at attractions, ordering own food or drinks in restaurants some parents adopt an everyone is a dangerous stranger approach and encourage zero interaction.

Typos!

can text BTP

Or find yourself caught up in a demonstration or road closure and not know another way to get from A to B.

That's what street maps are for.

Also, get to know the main N-S routes through Central London. Then when you hit one you'll know roughly where you are.
Keep walking south you'll fall in the river. Keep walking north you hit the Euston Road.
Look at the destinations on the front of buses. Look out for Tube stations. Nowadays there are often information panels at street corners.
It is quite difficult to get hopelessly lost in Central London.

(Back in the days when there used to be newspaper sellers on streetcorners, they all acted as informal information kiosks.)

What a load of rubbish about the Northern line! It’s as safe as any other line! Also navigating the tube is vital for being in London.