To be incredibly jealous of friends home?

[NeverMindMee]

One of my friends has recently bought a new home and is doing it up and I can’t help but feel so incredibly jealous.

We have a lovely home but I feel it’s so boring. We bought a new build a few years ago and it’s a lovely house. I am very happy with it. We have not millennial grey washed it but it we have been very sensible with our choices. Carpets that don’t show dirt, solid furniture in sensible colours for children that will last. Sensible storage options etc.

We get lots of compliments on our home and it is lovely but I feel like it has absolutely no personality, you would never walk into it and think “oh that home belongs to so and so”.

My friends house on the other hand has so much personality. She has spent ages going to thrift shops and up cycling one of a kind items, hand selecting everything. You would absolutely walk into that house and know it belongs to her and her DP. It reflects their personality so beautifully.

I can’t help but compare. Her house isn’t what I would have myself so I’m not jealous of her things but I am jealous because I’m sat here in my boring home. If I wanted to bring anything crazy in I’m sure DH would say no way.

I studied fashion design ages ago, do lots of arty projects and make cushions/curtains for our home, but I still struggle to feel content with how a room looks. So I can quite easily see how hard it is for someone who doesn't have an artistic leaning to start, let alone pull off a completely curated, beautifully designed home (you're definitely not boring @NeverMindMee - we just aren't all the same 💐)

I'm extremely lucky that my DH is also artistic (he worked as a designer for 20+ years) and - mostly! - likes the same stuff as me. We've never owned a new build, have always bought period houses that have been real projects, and have been collecting 'stuff' for years, so always have a head start when it comes to decorating and furnishing a new-to-us home.

But you have to start somewhere - for us, it was car boot sales/fleamarkets, then eBay. More recently, having downsized from a 400+ year old house to a Georgian cottage in a more populated area, we've rediscovered antique auctions and fairs. In fact, I've had to reign DH in as he comes back most weekends with more treasures (books, art, decorative bits 😉) that we no longer really have space for!

I usually decide on the colour scheme (no white or neutrals for us - but there's nothing wrong with those if they sing to you) for a room - inspiration taken from a rug or fabric and DH hasn't challenged my choices...yet! I tend to buy remnants of designer fabrics for cushions plus we have lots of antique Persian rugs and kilims. But our eclectic collection of art/objects comprise all colours/styles, so, theoretically at least it's a moveable feast and I regularly 'shop my home' by swapping stuff about.

For many years we collected Art Nouveau and Arts & Crafts Movement furniture etc, but in the past few years (a result of downsizing drastically and having to offload tons), our tastes have evolved, which I've actually found really liberating!

Lamps, art, textiles, plants make a massive difference to a space and help inject character and personality. But my one abiding rule is to buy what you love - someone more knowledgeable than me once said if you buy stuff you love, however disparate, it should all work together 😁

Get in the charity / thrift shops and find some gems you love! It’s not too expensive. You really can find all sorts.
My house is very me but I have neutral tones, no out there colours or wallpaper but I decorate walls with interesting mirrors and art work. I have shelves with ornaments and trinkets I’ve collected.

You don’t need to do massive changes - start small.

Firstly, go to Pinterest and start finding designs or styles that you like and start bringing it into your life.

I would start with the kitchen I’ve got Mediterranean lemons and blue kitchen towels , a giant colourful fruit bowl and some lovely art on the wall. My kitchen feels warmer and soulful instantly.

Lamps and statement ceiling lights (or simply a nice lampshade) can make all the difference as can pillows / throws. It’s exciting finding out what you like and what suits your home.

This. I enjoy interior design and colour. I love scouring car boot sales and charity shops for things . This type of decorating takes time though. I find a put together/ catalogue look is not for me but others may cringe at me buying old wooden shoe lasts and jugs at car boot sales. If you like what she does then ask for ideas

Why does your DH get to veto anything you'd like for the house? I am probably more like your friend in that I like colour, texture, pattern, my furniture is a mix of stuff some antique/thrifted a little IKEA here and there just whatever I like really. If you like neutral that's fine but if you see something that catches your eye your husband doesn't get to tell you no! He's not your father

I know what you mean. My house is boring and cluttered. I have no eye for interior design. I used to work for a lady whose house was amazing, she’d pick up bargains on marketplace or in charity shops and it would end up looking quirky but just right, if I tried that it would look like I need to sort stuff out to go to the tip.

I think there are practical reasons too. I sometimes think I’d like new, colourful sofas but then I think there’s no point, my current ones are the colour of muddy dogs which works well as I have plenty of pets at home. Or I think I’ll get a nice new carpet to replace the worn one, and then I think what’s the point, it will only get pissed on by the puppy, or smeared in mouse blood from the cats murdering things.

I visited someone at her home recently, the walls and furniture were very neutral (white, grey) but the room was lovely to be in because there was art on the walls and gorgeous colourful cushions on the sofa - they had different textures and colours, and just pulled the room together.

@NeverMindMee it sounds like you’ve not been a visual person and yet you must be, a bit, because if you really weren’t at all, your neutral decor (which sounds very pleasant and easy to live with) wouldn’t bother you at all.

I would just start trying things, don’t think about a whole room makeover at this stage, just start small with one picture or a shelf with a few pieces on it. Give yourself permission to play.

You could experiment for very little money, art galleries sell art prints online pretty cheaply, or you can do a lovely display on a pinboard with postcards and photos, they all add character to your space. Houseplants are great for that too.

A good tip to introduce colour is to match the colours in a picture that you like. If you have one main colour in a room, if you add something small in its complementary colour, that can make the main colour appear more vibrant.

I don’t know if it’s been suggested already but try ChatGPT - feed it some photos and tell it what you like and your budget

Ahh, there will always be other people with the house you want, the job you want, the something-else you desperately want. If you had that thing, there'd be something else you wanted, unless you were a billionaire who really could fulfil every single lifestyle desire. You just have to learn to live with it and make the best of what you have.

And your home will be the envy of people like me who rent and won’t be able to by for years!! Enjoy what you have.

One fun thing to think about might be a signature colour for accents and decor.

Do you particularly like a certain shade of blue, teal, pink, anything?

You could then use that as the basis for picking up decor items you like. A lampshade, a secondhand vase, a plant pot, a print including that shade for framing on the wall.

It means you're not starting from nowhere and it makes it fun to browse charity shops or trinkets on holiday to add to your collection. The items you end up with will match.

Enjoy your rented home, some people can only afford to live under a rock you know! 😀

Claim a room/space as your own if you can and go to town OP. Everyone should have a room they can express themselves in to give them joy

Our house was quite boring but as kids aren’t little anymore I’ve spent more time on Pinterest and instagram and started to inject more personality. We are moving shortly from a period house to a house with less character so I’ve been researching ways to add character though paint, accessories, furniture etc. it doesn’t take too much - art, plants, paint colours. Have fun with it!

The fact that you say you didn't think about it at all when you bought things like sofas and carpets other than durability is telling OP. That suggests that you're focused on practicality rather than style.....but it sounds like you want to find your style if you are calling your home boring.

I am the opposite pretty much, I have a Pinterest board for home decor ideas and each room of our house is painted a different colour with lots of "quirky" decor. Many, many people would hate it but we love it and our home is a reflection of us. It seems a shame for you to not love your home too.

It's not about the age of your kids. Ours were a baby and a toddler when we moved here and started doing the house up. Practical doesn't have to be boring, the soft furnishings or artwork aren't affected by the age of our children.

What I would say is that a few tweaks can dramatically change the vibe of a room. Our living room is the only room in our house that's actually pretty neutral in major decor......wooden floor, pale painted walls, grey sofas. BUT it is really comfortable and cosy and feels like us because of the massive, colourful rug, the cushions, curtains, the floor lamp and table lamp, the art on every wall that we love, the blankets on the sofas, the plants etc. It's basically all in the little things that together add colour and warmth and cosiness.

If I took the paintings off the walls, removed the rug and plants and turned the big light on instead of the lamps (shudder) it would feel like a completely different room.

You do NOT need an interior designer. There's no point paying someone hundreds of pounds to give you something that isn't even "yours" and is a collection of stuff provided to you rather than that you've sourced or planned for or thought about. Maybe just start by looking for one painting that really speaks to you and that makes you smile when you look at it. Hang that up and see how you feel, then go from there.

I think lots of people decorate their homes with half an eye on selling it - so it looks neutral and practical instead of being something they love and they end up with some variation on a Kelly Hoppen style beige palace. My DP and I took the executive decision to really live in our home the way we want to. Our rooms are green and blue and pink - matching tonally but rich and vibrant in their own right. Velvet sofas, large area rugs, long flowing curtains, dramatic art, wooden floors. If you’re going to be there for more than 5 years create the home you want to live in, not the home you want to sell.

You don't need chatgpt to tell you what you like.

You can’t be that boring if you can at least tell
something isn’t quite “you” about your house!

Maybe consider swapping some easy bits? Throws, pillows, frames… things that can be easily swapped around.

Don't decorate around your kids - tell them to respect the home they live in! I'd probably draw the line at a cream sofa but aside from that, I decorate how I wish and expect them to look after my house. And I have a 2 year old at the moment before anyone asks! Not a chance I'd spend on a sofa or carpets that I didn't like...

Jealous in this instance is probably more like a wistful wish to be more creative and daring, rather than an emotional outburst of green eyed monster. I have a friend who has a tiny two up two down (whereas I have a 4 bed detached) and I am always jealous wistfully envious of her house because she has such gorgeous taste and creative ability. I wouldn’t call what I feel negative at all.

Pinterest really is good for this. There are, unfortunately, a lot of AI images now but even they can still inspire. My taste is too all over the place, one minute I want a vibe that feels like you’ve walked into The White Company, the next I want pinks and floral wallpaper. To try and organise my chaotic design thoughts I have several Pinterest boards to help. I now know more the direction I want to go in when I downsize (cottage aesthetic).

@NeverMindMee coming back to this thread as i've been thinking about it.

I think it would really help you if you could identify what sort of style you like. In an ideal world without a dh or dc or budgets to consider.

Do you like country cottage, farmhouse, grand house, minimalist, modern, mid-century, arts & crafts, beach house, log cabin, Nancy Myers film houses etc etc

I know most real life houses are a hodge podge of styles & are not decorated like a film set but they often lean towards one sort of style or another & this can be a great starting point

If i could wave a magic wand i would love a Nancy Myersesque farmhouse aesthetic

You can take on board some of the suggestions here if you want to change your house . But don't put yourself down . You are not boring . You are calm and content with your home . And as you had input from your DH he obviously is also content with your home .

John Lewis has a free interior design service.