To be incredibly jealous of friends home?

[NeverMindMee]

One of my friends has recently bought a new home and is doing it up and I can’t help but feel so incredibly jealous.

We have a lovely home but I feel it’s so boring. We bought a new build a few years ago and it’s a lovely house. I am very happy with it. We have not millennial grey washed it but it we have been very sensible with our choices. Carpets that don’t show dirt, solid furniture in sensible colours for children that will last. Sensible storage options etc.

We get lots of compliments on our home and it is lovely but I feel like it has absolutely no personality, you would never walk into it and think “oh that home belongs to so and so”.

My friends house on the other hand has so much personality. She has spent ages going to thrift shops and up cycling one of a kind items, hand selecting everything. You would absolutely walk into that house and know it belongs to her and her DP. It reflects their personality so beautifully.

I can’t help but compare. Her house isn’t what I would have myself so I’m not jealous of her things but I am jealous because I’m sat here in my boring home. If I wanted to bring anything crazy in I’m sure DH would say no way.

If your partner would say no to you bringing “crazy” decorative things into the home then I hate to say it but your home is a reflection of the people living in it: safe and practical, and without much eye/taste.
When houses genuinely look great and full of personality that is because the owners have a lot of personality and a strong sense of style, often intellectual. It’s not something you can replicate from a John Lewis consultation or mimicking a Pinterest board.

Advice would be to genuinely develop an interest in interiors. If you don’t, which it sounds like you don’t, then you sort of have to develop it to even learn how to construct a room and figure out what your taste even is. Buy a copy of World of Interiors or something, and start from absolute scratch.

That's not the impression from the OP's post.
One can be pleased for a friend, and also a little jealous at the same time.

Ah op!!! Your home does reflect your personality! And as you say it’s really lovely. I have no sense of style so was happy to engage the services of an interior design person. As I was expecting and scheduled to move 6 weeks before the baby arrived she was given a brief and a budget and viola! Everyone who visits always comments and I upfront about having to delegate.

IKEA and next both have in-house interior decorators with no obligation to buy. Why don’t you send some snaps in tell them what you want to keep and what you would like to add even if it’s soft furnishings? They will second you atleast 2 mood boards so you have an idea! Our interior designer did a nursery for us which is absolutely stunning but our 17 month old has outgrown it so only tip o have here is future proofing!!!

I can't imagine being jealous of this type of thing. When DB bought a house, he did it up and it was lovely...I was thinking this looks great and was full of admiration.

It inspired me to tidy up my place and give it an uplift.

Jealousy is feeling unhappy, resentful, or fearful due to suspected rivalry, or wanting someone else's advantages.

Is that how you feel?

Sometimes it only needs a couple of items to lift a room. My DS and GF - basically the GF! - chose two lamps for their living room. One is quite a large one that stands on the floor with a tall coloured glass base and quite plain shade, in more or less the same colour as their feature wall. The other is a large table lamp with a simple dark wood base and a patterned shade. The rest of the room is a very classic, plain arrangement- brown leather sofas, mid- oak shade floor, 3 off white walls and one feature wall in a strong colour. But those two lamps really make it look striking.

It’s a nice project to work away on at your own pace, finding things you like in your home.
My friend just spent £££ on a renovation. It’s very much her style but I’d hate to live in her house now. To me it’s kitsch and twee, but she loves it.
Find your own style.

It takes years to settle into a home , we have been in our new build four years and only now do I feel it has developed a personality

Personally, I wouldn't go near TKMaxx, Dunelm, Instagram or chat gpt for this project.

I'd think very broadly about what you love.. What era of music, novels, films, art draws you.. Could be several. Your house is a new build, but what would your ideal be.. Mid century modern? Scandi chic? Turn of the century? Los Angeles noir.

I'd then scour vinted and charity shops for a couple of things you love. Antique markets if you have them close. Your house sounds like a blank canvas so lots of scope. And if it doesn't work for you after you sit with it for a couple of months, return it to charity shop or vinted.

It's fine to end up with a mix too. I love antique Laura Ashley and Baccarat, but have select pieces with white walls and wood floors, along with some more colorful modern art. If you can, visit house galleries like Kettles Yard for inspiration.

I admire other people’s home but my home tells the story of our life as a family. It’s warm and welcoming and cosy and full of things collected over the years or that mean something to someone in the family. A mixture of styles , and fairly eclectic but it reflects our family over the last 20 years and I would t change it. It is the story of us and somewhere we all feel happy and safe and lived and welcomed and where the older kids live coming back to.

I agree with this. I think jealousy tends to be sharper if your own life is too empty. Wondering if that's something going on OP?

That’s how we found the light fitting we wanted for our kitchen in our last house ( we have since moved house )
we were in a bakery/ cafe / restaurant and I loved the light fittings .
So went on an online search then an actual search 😆

Why are you letting your husband dictate so much? Tell him to fuck off and buy what you want. You have a boring home because you’re allowing your boring husband to dictate

i didn’t want to do anything to our current house that my husband disliked .
We compromised .
we have bought furniture over the years and at the moment we have only one item we feel is wrong in the house .
its a big ticket item so can’t change that now .
i got the seat pads reupholstered and got new table mats to change the look a bit .
my own bedroom though, I’ve got it in pale olive and some dusty rose throws and cushions I really like that and he had no say 🤣

My house is more like your friends and my interior design rule is that if I like it then obviously it will go with all the rest of the stuff that I like - I never try to match things up. I am also brave with colour - it’s easy to change if it doesn’t work. I am quite a maximalist though - the minimalists would hate my house and I’m ok with that!

Not at all. Perhaps the cosy reading corner with a small set of bookshelves that has a selection of children's and adults' books might be a good place to start. Both shelves and books can be bought cheaply at charity shops and it would be good for your children to get into the habit of reading and you might discover a new love of reading, too. A small table with a lamp and soft chairs and cushions will make a big difference to the ambience of your home and, again, charity shops are your friend. I have collections of different ornaments and all are neatly displayed, with many, again, coming from charity shops. Plants can also make a difference. I am sure others don't share my tastes but it really doesn't matter.

Would you be brave enough to post a photo of your sitting room OP?

I’ma not like your friend. I just have a way with colour and design and get a huge amount of pleasure from personalising my home. The chimney breast in my living room is paired with illustrations from a vintage “wildflowers of the world “ reference book that I found in a charity shop. The cover was damaged so I removed the pages, but then to a standard size and used them as wallpaper. Then done the other walls in a plum and teal. Loads of house plants, my own art Adhd favourite pieces by other people and mood lighting and an overflowing book selection on my Welsh dresser and it’s got a lovely homey feel.

This ^

We've moved lots of times, always bought renovation projects and some we knew we'd probably sell when they were done. We didn't specifically buy to flip, but just knew they weren't going to be the 'forever' home! The longest we've lived anywhere is ten years, the shortest about three years.

However, we've never really been sucked into the 'what would future buyers want?' mind set - instead we always decorate for us.

Imo, whilst it does make your home a bit more niche, when it comes to selling you have a property that is easily memorable, standing out in a sea of bland, greige properties. Our buyers have purchased because they loved (for example) our unique kitchen - and I know from speaking with friends living near places we've sold that in some instances they've changed very little, even 10+ years on.

The only time we took decor advice from our EA was whilst selling our Victorian family home a few years back. They suggested we paint our lovely deep raspberry coloured bathroom walls cream (which looked hideous) as potential buyers would prefer this. We later met our buyers who said the only thing they planned to change in the 3500 sq ft house was the bland bathroom walls. When we confided we'd changed the colour from raspberry on the advice of our EA, they said they'd have preferred that 🙄

Totally agree with this! I was looking back at old photos last week (in albums, not on my phone or computer lol!) at when DS who's now a hulking six-footer, was a toddler.

The living room of our then three-bed Victorian terrace had pink walls (coincidentally I just painted our snug walls a similar shade in our 'new' home), light blue carpet, grey-blue velvet sofas and bold blue/pink floral blinds. There were loads of fab original features in that house - a wall of bifold panelled doors (painted blue) between front and back reception rooms, slate surround fireplace and ornately plastered ceiling - which we used as our inspiration for the taxidermy butterflies, art deco ceiling light, massive clock garniture set inherited from my grandparents and Scandinavian side tables I found in a second hand shop as a student.

DS was taught to respect our stuff from an early age and discouraged from drawing on anything except paper provided for the purpose. Nothing got broken, except by our naughty cats...who didn't understand our 'look, but don't touch, unless supervised' rule 😆

Collect photos from mags or Pinterest that capture your interest and you'll start to see patterns in the kinds of things you like and might be able to do - even little tweaks

@Marble10

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you American? The reason I ask is that I hear US people talk about ‘pillows’ on a sofa in US home decor programmes whereas in the U.K. we only tend to use the term ‘pillows’ for the pillows your head rests on in bed. On a sofa, they’re ‘cushions’.

Or am I wrong? Do other British people use cushion and pillow interchangeably?

Forgive me, I’m obsessed!!

I found starting a Pinterest board to be really helpful. Pick out everything that appeals to you, after searching 'boho living room' or 'pastel bedroom' or 'Scandi kitchen' or whatever you want to explore. You don't have to copy everything, but it will start showing you want you like, and where your interests lie.

And building a beautiful home doesn't have to be a two-week job. I have a friend similar to yours who makes everywhere she lives instantly gorgeous, but I take years and years - getting a slightly more colourful paint next time we re-paint, or a brighter rug as the kids got older and could be trusted.

It can be really small touches, and you can experiment! If you get charity shop stuff, it's not a disaster if you try something and it doesn't work out: vases, rugs, picture frames, cushion covers, they can all be cheap but a cluster of two or three can make a room feel totally different. And mounting photos too - framing shops charge £2-4 for a beautiful brightly coloured mount, which turns a boring frame and photo into something really eye-catching and different.

I love my home now, but it's taken years of all this (Pinterest boards, experimenting, cheap things, building up courage). Good luck, OP!

I have a husband like yours. The trick is to add new things with some colour gradually. Buy a decent picture with a colour that you'd like to highlight, then after a bit get a lampshsde in the colour, then get a friend/relative to buy you a cushion or two in colours you like and so on. Soon you will have more colourful/interesting rooms but still have a calm mostly neutral feel.

I have a family member who is an interior designer, has a beautiful home and a decent budget, no young kids and time to develop their home. It's gorgeous and I'm happy for them, but it would be a complete waste of money for us to spend that much. We have children, one with disabilities which creates mess. I just enjoy going there, but we need something completely different for our type of living.

I tried to buy stuff for my home today and just felt overwhelmed and hated it. I just don't have a good eye or patience for it.