To be incredibly jealous of friends home?

[NeverMindMee]

One of my friends has recently bought a new home and is doing it up and I can’t help but feel so incredibly jealous.

We have a lovely home but I feel it’s so boring. We bought a new build a few years ago and it’s a lovely house. I am very happy with it. We have not millennial grey washed it but it we have been very sensible with our choices. Carpets that don’t show dirt, solid furniture in sensible colours for children that will last. Sensible storage options etc.

We get lots of compliments on our home and it is lovely but I feel like it has absolutely no personality, you would never walk into it and think “oh that home belongs to so and so”.

My friends house on the other hand has so much personality. She has spent ages going to thrift shops and up cycling one of a kind items, hand selecting everything. You would absolutely walk into that house and know it belongs to her and her DP. It reflects their personality so beautifully.

I can’t help but compare. Her house isn’t what I would have myself so I’m not jealous of her things but I am jealous because I’m sat here in my boring home. If I wanted to bring anything crazy in I’m sure DH would say no way.

I get what you mean, new builds are just so souless aren't they. I've been in one for 15yrs, (don't know why i'm still calling it a new build though )😂
Give me an old high ceilinged tenement anyday

Get on Pinterest!

My house is a dull 60s box but I’ve started panting it bright colours and getting rid of all the beige from when my DC were little. Then I accessorise each room.

There is so much inspiration online. I also roped my kids in to help paint and learn some life skills!

I see what you mean , I’m guessing your children are still fairly young so for now you need to be practical , but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang art or buy gorgeous cushions and throws for your sofas and chairs .
Buy lovely duvet covers , throws and cushions for your bedrooms
The art doesn’t need to be expensive at all .
For example we bought a lovely printed poster from a stationary / paper shop on holiday .
We also buy inexpensive limited edition prints .

I think you need to get under the skin of what you like then gradually introduce this into your home. I like really old things. We live in a 200 year old cottage, so we don’t have tons of space, but it suits the furnishings I like and I’m comfortable doing arts and crafts (I’m an amateur dress / costume maker) so I have hand painted delft tiles, potato printed linen curtains, mismatching china, Persian rugs and antique furniture. Probably not your thing, but maybe keep a scrapbook of what is your thing until you have a clear vision.

I work in interiors OP and it's really common how you describe your home. What I like to call it is "solid foundations". Things like sofas and carpet are big purchases and it's better to go with something neutral/practical. It is however very easy to add detail with cushions, rugs, lamps, pictures/photos for walls.
What you need are accent colours for each room but don't overdo it as it will look too themed/cultivated. Add one thing at a time and go from there.

OP stop!

Seriously, stop. Many people in the world have just had their homes bombed. Or they’ve been hoiked to a detention centre and can’t go home.
Your problem is easily fixed by appreciating what you have, or realising that your home evolves with you, and it’s fairly easy to paint/ decorate etc.

I know what you mean OP. Would your friend help you just to get started? I like pp suggestion upthread about looking at Oscar’s fashion and what clothes you wear to where to get an idea of what your inner style is. The best most individual houses that I have seen are from years of buying things they genuinely like. It doesn’t happen overnight. I am just coming out of what I call my practical era - my youngest is 12 and I can start to think of what I like and not just what is practical for young dc. There is a compromise to be had between what you would like and what your dh would like. And you’re not boring

That’s not at all how I interpreted op, she sounds like many women who get to a stage of life and feel stuck in a rut and realise that they don’t really get to express much of their personality, they choose sensible clothes, choose sensible furniture, sensible hobbies, sometimes to to fit in and avoid judgement, sometimes because the career they chose expect people to present a certain way, many reasons, they get to a certain point of life where they realise their decisions on clothing and decor and social life have been based on making connections, fitting in, what’s favoured or preferred by others, and realise they’d like to be more expressive about their personality themselves.

Op sounds like she’s is happy for her friend, and would like to express herself, and doesn’t know where to start, and it can be hard to make those changes when the people you share your love and loving space with are used to functional and simple. She doesn’t sound like a bad friend, it sounds like her mate has inspired her to want to change her decor to reflect personality too.

Why don't you go to some thrift shops and charity shops and markets - and have a look on facebook marketplace @NeverMindMee ?

My niece picked up a Victoran carved oak ottaman some months back from Facebook marketplace. £50!

It’s a fair point about when a new build stops being a new build.

You could add some framed coloured prints to the walls? Add some unusual ornaments maybe as a starring point?

You're being rather down on yourself! I am sure your family don't feel like that about you.

I have a friend who has been living in her flat for 18 months and has made it much nicer than my house which I’ve lived in for 18 years. It helps that she has a natural eye for design and a mum who is an interior designer. I’d suggest that she’s also quite single minded about hunting out what she wants - scours all sorts of places ( other than designer as she is on a budget ). I do it to a certain extent. I’ve bought second hand rugs , curtains , wooden furniture cheaply off eBay and Facebook marketplace and painted it or recovered it and I do have a quirky interior … it’s just a bit unfinished. My basics like the sofa are all practical though and designed to last a long time. If you’re a library member you may be able to access all the big interior and fashion magazines with an app called Press reader but only to see what you’re drawn to not to slavishly copy. I’ve picked up posters and prints from holidays and exhibitions, vintage blankets from charity shops etc when we’ve been away. It won’t happen overnight but you can gradually introduce more personality

OP, fwiw, I love bright colours and always feel like I'm too loud and not sensible enough! Make a few small changes (after all, your friend didn't decorate her whole house in one go) but it might also be worth considering whether this reflects a bigger issue with self esteem and identity.

Good luck with everything!

Why have your cousins (plural) got several homes? No-one needs more than one home.

But you too can spend ages going to thrift shops and up cycling one of a kind items, hand selecting everything.
Start this weekend.

I agree.

OP - what did you do in your free time before having kids?

You’re describing yourself as having no personality, but I’m sure that’s not the case! It seems like you’re very lost and have lost yourself.

What music do you like? What’s your favourite colour? Do you like nature, the ocean, the beach, mountains, the night sky? Do you like animals? What’s your favourite place you’ve ever travelled to?

It is possible to be pissed off and bored with your own home, and still have compassion for people who have no home! Why do people always come up with this old chestnut EVERY single time on threads like this? 🙄

HOUSE! How much do I win?!

Its the one cousin. Cos he's a money grabbing property hoarding arsehole. I hate it but whenever I say anything to anyone in the family they just think I'm bitterly jealous.

He actually used to be a slumlord and rented me a disgusting property illegally back in the day that had cockroaches, broken toilet, no taps in the bath, I had to pay for all the furniture etc.

And he wouldn't give me a tenancy agreement?! When I demanded one he responded by saying he was doubling the rent. He ended up installing three men into the flat to try and intimidate me out?!

I was too young to know he was ripping me off as I thought he was like a brother to me.

No one ‘needs’ more than one pair of shoes either or any nice food over and above what’s needed for subsistence or any art or music or hobbies or culture. We all choose to spend our money how we will.

Inexpensive art work can transform a house, bare walls are boring.
Teal works so well with chocolate brown and is so warm.
You need to look at your different colour sceams an look at colours that will add interest and contrast.
Screen shot what you like.
Take your time, don't rush into anything.
You can pick up some lovely inexpensive artwork in charity shops if you keep an eye out.

You should rejoice in your pleasant-looking home, OP!

I have spent years reflecting my personality onto the homes I've lived in, and invariably stand back absolutely aghast at the results 🫣😖

Both my DIL are into thrifting. They pop into charity shops, warehouses and have found some wonderful pieces of character. From china, glass, through to furniture. Neither have a background in design but somehow it all gels together. An old jug filled with flowers. A small chair for a hallway or bedroom. It takes time and effort to pull together. There's some good accounts on Instagram for this.

What’s your favourite colour @NeverMindMee? Maybe start with a picture with some of your favourite colours.

My house is fairly neutral. But I have quite colourful accessories. Including a large painting in blues and greens. Lots of kitchen accessories in blues, greens, and some yellow. Painted plates on the walls. Some colourful jugs in similar colours. It’s not matchy matchy as I’m not keen on that. I like a bit more eclectic. But not too much. And DH would tend to play it very safe.

I kind of get you but at the same time I wouldn't know how to make a house 'reflect' my personality. I rent and was utterly sick of magnolia, so thankfully my landlord lets me do what I like and my house is pretty colourful but does it reflect me? I feel like it just really reflects the colours I liked on the tins of paint at various times. I used to want one of those neat neutral houses where you can't tell someone lives there but even though my house feels chaotic at times I like that someone would walk in and know a family lives there. I don't think my home is lovely by any stretch but it is home. Maybe just a space you're comfortable in is the ultimate aim and what makes you comfortable is what reflects you.

Next time you need to get something for your house, instead of just buying what you would expect, buy something you explicitly like for it's own sake.