Page 8 | AIBU to Be Angry With Co-Parent’s Partner?

SnowyPolarBear9 · 2026-04-09T10:51:00+00:00

For context; same sex parents to one child. Co-parent is now with someone else (also same sex) and they’ve been together for approx 4 1/2 years. My 9yo son recently told some fibs about co-parent’s partner suggesting/recommending films and series to him that were age rated 12 and 15. The rule is with me that if something has an age rating, he’s not allowed to watch it until he is 1 year younger (e.g age rating 12 he can’t watch until he’s 11). Our son was spoken to by both of us (parents) about the situation and the seriousness of telling fibs etc. However my son has later told me that co-parent’s partner spoke to him on the phone about it, and said she wouldn’t be seeing him for a number of weeks because of the fibs he had told and that he had to stop them for her to see him again. AIBU to be fuming with this? 😡 Firstly, for anyone to impose this type of punishment where they refuse to see the child I find absolutely disgusting. But she’s also not a big part of his life, co-parent and her partner don’t live together and the time co-parent’s partner spends with/sees my son is minimal. In the 4 and 1/2 years she’s been around, I think he’s spent overnight with her once. I’m so upset by this as based on their dynamic and admittedly low-involvement relationship, I just don’t appreciate her “punishing” him. Plus, even if it was someone extremely close to him, I’d be appalled at such a cruel approach! I’m trying to draft a message to the co-parent about it but I just can’t get my thoughts out properly in writing and I also want to know if I’m being unreasonable! Thanks in advance 🙌🏻

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 23:12

AliasGrape · 09/04/2026 23:01

I’m still a bit blown away by this thread calling a 9 year old a nasty little shit stirrer, accusing him of ‘dangerous, potentially career ending’ lies.

He said his mum’s girlfriend said he might like Stranger Things! What the fuck is wrong with people’s sense of perspective?

@SnowyPolarBear9 - can you confirm if he spread these dangerous falsehoods because he was trying to get the new partner ‘in trouble’ or was it more a case of wanting to watch something and trying to sound a bit more grown up and cool than he is?

Because if it’s the latter, I can absolutely guarantee everyone frothing on this thread at the thought of him being punished have either told an equivalent lie at some point in their life, or their children have. ‘But my mum/ dad/ uncle/ best friends mum lets me’ is really not the crime of the century.

It’s a shame you can’t see the issue.

What happens if the next time it’s a lie about a teacher or one of his parents? What if he has a problem but nobody listens because he lies.

The OP thinks the partner is punishing him and that is the parents job, which of course it is. But as the subject of his lies, a natural consequence is that apparently the partner doesn’t want to be near him and risk it happening again. Surely that makes sense, especially as the OP is more angry about the partner than her son’s lie.

AliasGrape · 09/04/2026 23:22

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 23:12

It’s a shame you can’t see the issue.

What happens if the next time it’s a lie about a teacher or one of his parents? What if he has a problem but nobody listens because he lies.

The OP thinks the partner is punishing him and that is the parents job, which of course it is. But as the subject of his lies, a natural consequence is that apparently the partner doesn’t want to be near him and risk it happening again. Surely that makes sense, especially as the OP is more angry about the partner than her son’s lie.

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I can see the issue if this was a malicious lie intended to cause trouble for the partner.

We don’t have that information or context, and it’s wild that everyone has jumped straight there without it.

If your child told you they wanted to watch an older rated film or series, and ‘but Sally’s mum lets her watch it’, and you later find out this is not actually true - would you automatically assume that your child was then going to go on to accuse Sally’s mum of more serious crimes?

Why are we assuming that this child is going to go straight from movie recommendations to trying to end the partner’s relationship, career and life?

I don’t think it would have been that big a deal if she HAD have spoken to him about Stranger Things, it would have just been ‘sorry mate, you know the rules in this house’ and no need to go to the co-parent/ partner to accuse them of anything really.

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that he lied about it, in the context of trying to get his own way rather than trying to cause trouble for the partner. Like I say, it does depend on which it was. And no lying isn’t ok in either circumstance - but the kid is 9 and it happens. I don’t think it’s catastrophic or is automatically going to escalate into serious false allegations as is being repeatedly implied on this thread with absolutely zero evidence to back that up.

And if the partner doesn’t want to see the kid for a bit then fine. I don’t think the phone call, as described, was necessary. Way OTT and yeah just a bit emotionally manipulative and not her place - but my first step if I were the OP would be to establish what exactly happened and was said because I can’t understand why it would be needed at all. Was he told to phone her and apologise for lying maybe? That would make sense. Again, context needed.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2026 23:31

AliasGrape · 09/04/2026 23:22

I can see the issue if this was a malicious lie intended to cause trouble for the partner.

We don’t have that information or context, and it’s wild that everyone has jumped straight there without it.

If your child told you they wanted to watch an older rated film or series, and ‘but Sally’s mum lets her watch it’, and you later find out this is not actually true - would you automatically assume that your child was then going to go on to accuse Sally’s mum of more serious crimes?

Why are we assuming that this child is going to go straight from movie recommendations to trying to end the partner’s relationship, career and life?

I don’t think it would have been that big a deal if she HAD have spoken to him about Stranger Things, it would have just been ‘sorry mate, you know the rules in this house’ and no need to go to the co-parent/ partner to accuse them of anything really.

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that he lied about it, in the context of trying to get his own way rather than trying to cause trouble for the partner. Like I say, it does depend on which it was. And no lying isn’t ok in either circumstance - but the kid is 9 and it happens. I don’t think it’s catastrophic or is automatically going to escalate into serious false allegations as is being repeatedly implied on this thread with absolutely zero evidence to back that up.

And if the partner doesn’t want to see the kid for a bit then fine. I don’t think the phone call, as described, was necessary. Way OTT and yeah just a bit emotionally manipulative and not her place - but my first step if I were the OP would be to establish what exactly happened and was said because I can’t understand why it would be needed at all. Was he told to phone her and apologise for lying maybe? That would make sense. Again, context needed.

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We don’t even know if the call took place. But the parents clearly were angry that she had allegedly told him about the films so it seems unlikely it was a general one.

It is not emotionally manipulative to explain that as a direct result of his actions she doesn’t want to spend time with him for now. That’s what happens if you lie about people. Best he learns that now rather than later.

Greenandyellowday · 09/04/2026 23:46

SnowyPolarBear9 · 09/04/2026 21:57

Ever again? I’m glad I’m not your step child.

What ever happened to forgiveness?

Or to teaching and guiding a child to be a good/better person, often through their mistakes.

Or to sticking by someone despite their flaws because you care for them? Particularly as it’s a child!

Very cut throat even if it was towards an adult, let alone a child who is growing up and navigating the world particularly a world with separated parents and new partners becoming involved which adds a whole new dynamic to navigate…

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I'm so sorry @SnowyPolarBear9 that you and your son have had such a bashing on this thread. Many of the comments are unjust and some are frankly unhinged. Best wishes to you.

Greenandyellowday · 09/04/2026 23:59

AliasGrape · 09/04/2026 23:01

I’m still a bit blown away by this thread calling a 9 year old a nasty little shit stirrer, accusing him of ‘dangerous, potentially career ending’ lies.

He said his mum’s girlfriend said he might like Stranger Things! What the fuck is wrong with people’s sense of perspective?

@SnowyPolarBear9 - can you confirm if he spread these dangerous falsehoods because he was trying to get the new partner ‘in trouble’ or was it more a case of wanting to watch something and trying to sound a bit more grown up and cool than he is?

Because if it’s the latter, I can absolutely guarantee everyone frothing on this thread at the thought of him being punished have either told an equivalent lie at some point in their life, or their children have. ‘But my mum/ dad/ uncle/ best friends mum lets me’ is really not the crime of the century.

This. 100%.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/04/2026 06:50

AliasGrape · 09/04/2026 23:01

I’m still a bit blown away by this thread calling a 9 year old a nasty little shit stirrer, accusing him of ‘dangerous, potentially career ending’ lies.

He said his mum’s girlfriend said he might like Stranger Things! What the fuck is wrong with people’s sense of perspective?

@SnowyPolarBear9 - can you confirm if he spread these dangerous falsehoods because he was trying to get the new partner ‘in trouble’ or was it more a case of wanting to watch something and trying to sound a bit more grown up and cool than he is?

Because if it’s the latter, I can absolutely guarantee everyone frothing on this thread at the thought of him being punished have either told an equivalent lie at some point in their life, or their children have. ‘But my mum/ dad/ uncle/ best friends mum lets me’ is really not the crime of the century.

I think this is totally true. As is the other adult choosing to protect themselves from being lied about, both of these views can be fair at the same time. You don’t know what their experiences have been. So forgive your son, move on, and you’ll /he’ll have to wait until she does the same.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/04/2026 08:18

SnowyPolarBear9 · 09/04/2026 22:58

I’m sorry but what gives you the right to comment on my parenting that I didn’t even ask for advice on as being “quite strange”.

You might want to assess each film/game etc on its own merits as to when it’s appropriate to watch and at what age; that’s fine — you do you. But I prefer a blanket approach because my child needs black and white boundaries. He really struggles with grey areas and if I tried to judge each film individually, he would find excuses/reasons/one thousand explanations as to why I should let him watch something. The headache it would cause just isn’t worth it for me as a parent, and so a blanket approach is what I not you have decided.

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So what makes you so sure he isnt lying about this as well?

crowfollower · 10/04/2026 11:59

"If you are going to tell lies about me when I spend time with you, I cannot spend time with you".

Child learns that lies have repercussions and that people will not want to spend time with him until he stops said behaviour. Perfect life lesson there.

End Of.

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:36

I feel there are two different ways people are seeing this.

Whether she is right to distance herself from the child for a bit (I think she is).

Whether she was right to call this child and communicate what she was doing - I think that's weird and baffled people think it's ok?!

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:37

Greenandyellowday · 09/04/2026 23:46

I'm so sorry @SnowyPolarBear9 that you and your son have had such a bashing on this thread. Many of the comments are unjust and some are frankly unhinged. Best wishes to you.

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Agreed! I have seen weird comments on MN but this thread takes the cake.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 15:38

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:36

I feel there are two different ways people are seeing this.

Whether she is right to distance herself from the child for a bit (I think she is).

Whether she was right to call this child and communicate what she was doing - I think that's weird and baffled people think it's ok?!

But did she even do that?

She had a right to do so anyway - perhaps he might learn that lying about people means they won’t want to spend time with you.

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:39

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 15:38

But did she even do that?

She had a right to do so anyway - perhaps he might learn that lying about people means they won’t want to spend time with you.

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I have not seen anywhere that she did not.

I am simply working on what OP and I think it's really fucking weird to call the young child of the person you are dating to say this.

IrisieMendimeve · 10/04/2026 15:56

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 09/04/2026 12:55

I'm team her.

I wonder if the relationship is strained having to put up with a lying child that isn't even blood related to her girlfriend so she's distancing herself from anything involving you.

Don’t do this. Don’t minimize the importance of the relationship of the other parent to this child (on the assumption that the OP is a biological parent which actually isn’t stated anywhere) with your spiteful little asides about ‘blood relations’. You can be ‘team her’ without being a nasty dickhead.

Reassurancells · 10/04/2026 16:04

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:39

I have not seen anywhere that she did not.

I am simply working on what OP and I think it's really fucking weird to call the young child of the person you are dating to say this.

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Did she specifically call to say that or was it just a conversation where she said it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 16:06

JHound · 10/04/2026 15:39

I have not seen anywhere that she did not.

I am simply working on what OP and I think it's really fucking weird to call the young child of the person you are dating to say this.

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If he’s old enough to behave like this he’s old enough to learn the consequences

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:13

Reassurancells · 10/04/2026 16:04

Did she specifically call to say that or was it just a conversation where she said it.

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If she called just to say that or called to say something else and then said that I find both equally weird.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:15

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 16:06

If he’s old enough to behave like this he’s old enough to learn the consequences

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You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 16:21

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:15

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

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The kid is 9... not 4 and a half?
The partner has been in the child's life for 4.5yrs.

I do agree though that there was probably a better way of approaching the situation than a private phone call. Perhaps in the presence of the OPs ex (not the OP) where they could briefly explain why the partner needs some time away and how the lies cannot happen again....

I think it'd be fine for the OP to say "Hey, I understand why the Partner did what they did, but in future it needs to be more tactfully communicated"..... but instead the OP is going off on one and fuming and just doesn't appear to really rationalise the extent this could have blown up in the partners face.

Lessons for everyone in the scenario I think... parents, kid and partner can all learn something from it.

(Edited for typo)

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 16:21

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:15

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

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The child is 9.

The partner has been in his life for 4.5 years

Reassurancells · 10/04/2026 16:22

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:13

If she called just to say that or called to say something else and then said that I find both equally weird.

Edited

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Really?

child: “are you coming over this weekend?”

partner: “no I won’t be over for the foreseeable because you told lies about me and I can’t take that risk”

and you think that’s weird? The child is 9, they’re old enough to learn the natural consequence of their behaviour.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:23

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 16:21

The kid is 9... not 4 and a half?
The partner has been in the child's life for 4.5yrs.

I do agree though that there was probably a better way of approaching the situation than a private phone call. Perhaps in the presence of the OPs ex (not the OP) where they could briefly explain why the partner needs some time away and how the lies cannot happen again....

I think it'd be fine for the OP to say "Hey, I understand why the Partner did what they did, but in future it needs to be more tactfully communicated"..... but instead the OP is going off on one and fuming and just doesn't appear to really rationalise the extent this could have blown up in the partners face.

Lessons for everyone in the scenario I think... parents, kid and partner can all learn something from it.

(Edited for typo)

Edited

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Sorry - I dunno why I said 4.5!

But my point is everybody is talking about it's fine he faces consequences - for me it's nothing to do with consequences. It's about a parent's partner overstepping the mark. If the other co-parent had called and said this I would have no issue.

MabelAnderson · 10/04/2026 16:23

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:15

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

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He is nine, not four. So perhaps they do text each other sometimes ?

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 16:24

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:23

Sorry - I dunno why I said 4.5!

But my point is everybody is talking about it's fine he faces consequences - for me it's nothing to do with consequences. It's about a parent's partner overstepping the mark. If the other co-parent had called and said this I would have no issue.

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Yeah... I just agreed with your point 😂

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:24

Reassurancells · 10/04/2026 16:22

Really?

child: “are you coming over this weekend?”

partner: “no I won’t be over for the foreseeable because you told lies about me and I can’t take that risk”

and you think that’s weird? The child is 9, they’re old enough to learn the natural consequence of their behaviour.

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Yes even in that context.
Anything along those lines should be communicated by the other co-parent.

Why would they be talking to them on the phone at all? "I won't be around you for a while because of your lies but we can talk on the phone!"

Weird.

(And for the nth time - I have no taken issue with a child learning consequences for their behaviour. I am not commenting on that.)

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:25

MabelAnderson · 10/04/2026 16:23

He is nine, not four. So perhaps they do text each other sometimes ?

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This wasn't a text? And I would find a text even weirder. Why would I text my partner's 9 year old??