should’ve just done this quietly in the background and let his parents deal with the punishment/repercussions as it’s not her place
another perspective here from a step parent, to two children whose mum also used to exert her presence in our home through the creation of rules that had unexpected outcomes.
At some point this child could well be in the care of this person. On their own. If they’re together for years, it’s likely your ex at some point needs help with child care or needs to nip to the shop, or has an emergency they have to leave to deal with.
It is really important that a child still sees that person, in charge of caring for your child, as having a degree of authority. It’s really important they feel able to take up their space as someone who is looking after that child.
It is entirely their place, to set and give boundaries, and explain consequences for boundaries when they are not met.
I’ll give you an example - my step child’s mum said to youngest ‘you must never go into the bedroom when suckerforbread is there’. And I understand exactly why, and for my own privacy I don’t really want them wandering in when I’m getting dressed and seeing more than either of us would like.
But that meant when that child woke up at 6am throwing up furiously all over their bedroom, they wouldn’t even sit on our bed, because I was there. So it’s 6am, there’s sick all over the floor and the bed, and the child continues to just stand there crying in a puddle of sick. We were at this point, three years in.
At four years in, I collected the child from school. He had been bullied, physically and mentally, he was crying, overwhelmed, upset and I’m alone at home with him. Both parents are at work 30 minutes away. I tried to console, and it’s very much a case of ‘mummy told me I’m not to touch you’.
okay so now we have a crying, upset child who isn’t calming down, who is in my care, and what can I do about it?
this goes on and on, the time I asked him not to jump on a frozen river, the time I asked him not to stroke dogs without asking the owner if that’s okay, the fact he wouldn’t hold my hand as we crossed a busy road and I had to pull him back from being hit by a car by his hood.
Be careful what you say to your kid, because it has a lasting impact and sometimes quite far reaching consequences, that you don’t understand the reality of purely because someone did something, in a place you don’t control, in a situation you weren’t in, that you’ve taken umbrage with after the fact.
the sensible thing for you to in this situation is to use it as an opportunity to teach your child. ‘mummy and mummy love you unconditionally and we forgive your lying but other people are not as quick to forgive and forget. When you tell lies people won’t always want to be around you as they then feel they can’t trust you. That’s why it’s important you tell the truth’. ‘Telling lies can get people in trouble, and it can also cause you hurt - what if you’d watched a film that gave you nightmares?’
what has happened could be a great learning opportunity for your child around boundaries, if you would just see past the fact that they did something you didn’t like.
they’re going to do a LOAD of stuff you don’t like - they’re not you - use it to your child’s advantage.