AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

It’s not about the bloody lube!!! It’s about a woman who feels her husband has prioritised his needs over hers and this is an example of it. He wants to put his dick in a hole and doesn’t care it if causes bleeding, as long as he gets to ejacukafe. If he was thinking of her through any of this process he would have bought a few bottles of lube and put them in the bedside drawer.

This falls into the same bracket of women getting very upset over forgotten birthdays or their Christmas presents being a bar of soap and some garage flowers. It shows a lack of thought at a time where the woman could be front and foremost. I couldn’t give a shit about presents because there is enough thought and consideration being given to me across the year. If I was already feeling neglected and distant from my partner abd he also then forgot my birthday or threw a bar of chocolate my way, I would have further evidence of him not giving a shit.

Blimey, why is it unreasonable for a woman to expect a partner who works part-time to pick up one item from a shop or for that matter order online. Is it because he is a man? Yes she can do it, but also sort can he, he said he would get it but didn't, if it were his mother's birthday card would you expect the wife to step in? I hope not. Men can do things, they aren't children, it's just some men behave like them.
Op you're not being unreasonable.

Read the thread - its not ACTUALLY about the buying of the physical lube, its about him not caring if doing it without the lube causes her pain and discomfort.

Well make your own for goodness sake.

Are you in the mood for sex unlubricated personally I think chafing hurts and bleeding from friction shouldn't be "endured ".

It really isn't about lube.
Its that you are married to a selfish, sulking pig.
He sounds vile.

I think you are "boiled frog" analogy that you accept all that you do.

He sounds absolutely vile.
You should reach out to talk to a domestic abuse charity because you really don't seem to realise how poor his behaviour is.

I feel a wider conversation may be required with your husband. Mine doesn’t want the snip either and I wanted to come off the pill to check my natural hormones, so we now use condoms and it tends to be him who checks we have any and remembers to buy them. He prefers sex without, but it’s up to him to choose between the snip and condoms, and he’s choosing to cover up. Going without either is out of the question. It’s fair to share the responsibilities as you say! And it isn’t ok to sulk. At all.

I hope your husband will admit that his attitude is really hurtful in this context.

How does his mother think you produced her grandchildren?
I think I heard something about being able to have separate identities within prime but haven’t yet had time to look into it.

My opinion is it is you who needs it, therefore you who buys it tbh.

I know what you mean. Vaginal dryness can be really common during times of the month and lube shouldn’t be embarrassing. Sometimes it can just be to enhance the motions and add comfort.

I think it’s awful you feel the need to partake sexually if your comfort and enjoyment are being put on the back burner and laughed at. I certainly wouldn’t be partaking in it if he doesn’t care about you during the act.

You said your marriage is good and he’s a good man though. And as many have mentioned this doesn’t need to be a balanced transactional thing of who does the most sex admin, you can just order it online, you could even stick it on an Amazon subscription then nobody has to think about it. It’s a mountain out of a molehill. If your marriage is unbalanced then tackle that, but this particular thing doesn't need to be an issue.

This. ^ I find it bizarre that you won't just buy it @Orangeducks Surely to goodness though, if you are getting 'chafed' inside when having PIV sex, his penis will be getting chafed too!

If you're too scared to go into a local shop, go out of town, or order it off the internet. That's a thing now ya know! 😜

And what about the contraception? They both need it but she does that as well.

😂 but I bet the whole year group secretly knows what she buys in her free time haha... If my own school experience was anything to go by!

Oh for goodness sake!! How ridiculous that you can’t have another account.

OK - So @Orangeducks You've a medical issue that sometimes makes you bleed - sorry you experience that but sounds like you've got a proper diagnosis and are dealing with it.

However - presumably your "D"H knows about this condition - and knows it can cause you discomfort? But he was still happy to have sex with you without the lube knowing it would cause issues for you.

I'm still seeing a husband problem - not a "who's buying the lube" issue.

Jeezo she asked him to buy it and he agreed to. God forbid a man just does what he says he will.

I would be really pissed off if I was in your shoes. This situation isn't about the process of you not being comfortable in buying the lube, but the fact that he should take some responsibility.

Stand by your guns. No more sex until he fulfill his end of the bargain. I can't bear the thought of you bleeding as a result of his failings.

Don't think the snip is the problem. Even if he did have the snip and OP didn't get the meds. They still need lube. This is the problem, not the snip snip.

They. They need it to have a sex life. Unless she's just a vessel for the more important man.

@PhoebeBuffay1234yep same as our relationship. I’m the one who will get pregnant therefore I sort my contraception. I am responsible for my body.

I would be annoyed eith OH if I asked him to buy something and he said he would but didn't. I also wouldn't be getting intimate with him either as why should I be in pain? So I don't get how you went along with it 2 times without. However. I also think yabu not getting it yourself in general. This time I get you asked and he is bu for not doing so, but your reasoning just doesn't work as to why you can't get lube yourself in general. Just get lube.

Well, they have decided to have a sex life together and OP has already taken on the mental and physical toll of ensuring she doesn’t end up pregnant. The least he could do is buy some lube.

You’re being irrational. Set your own prime account up and order on there, or find another website. Maybe order it with your food shop or something if that’s an option. Alternatively, stop fretting over a student seeing you in the shop. Don’t most teachers live far away from the school for this reason?! Just don’t shop where they likely do!

I've just seen your latest update and I was going say that the actual issue is not so much the practical aspect, it's his lack of effort. He wants sex as much as you (probably more so I would guess) and this is one small thing he can do that you don't have to add to your list of chores (including contraception arrangements) but he gets stroppy when you point that out.

I wouldn't have sex without lube if it was going to be uncomfortable so I don't think it's unreasonable that if he wants sex he needs to make this one small effort that enables you to give enthusiastic consent. He SHOULD care about that and it's piss poor of him if he doesn't.