AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

Some posters are being a bit dense about it. It’s clearly not the actual act of buying lube (can totally see why you wouldn’t want to purchase it in a shop with your dc present!) but you are aware that there are other options online etc.

The issue is his lack of consideration and responsibility. He isn’t prioritising your comfort and enjoyment. It’s a simple thing for him to do and he just can’t be bothered. So yeah that would piss me off too and I’d decline sex until he sorts it. Why put yourself through something uncomfortable.

Maybe so, but not everyone is in the same kind of relationship as you. My husband had the snip because of how contraception was affecting me. In a long term relationship there can be different ways of handling contraception and it isn’t always down to the woman.

I don't get why all the first posts are putting this on you, it's not unreasonable at all that this should be his job. Your reasons for not buying it are totally legit

You need the lube, you buy the lube.

@Orangeducks Has your DH been treated for thrush too?
Also, you mention he works away - is there any chance there could be an STI?

You think his mother doesn't know you have sex?? I wouldn't be surprised if his mother is buying more than you. :)

That why I pointed out that was my opinion of the OPs situation. She needs to talk to her DH.

I’m not understanding the expectation thing you keep banging on about. He normally gets it but has forgotten. You are not getting it out of spite to prove a point. Getting your blood pressure checked every three months and being on birth control that is your choice. You can use condoms or the coil.

Also you are the one that is not producing enough natural lubricants but think it is his job to buy you artificial ones. That’s like him expecting you to buy him viagra because he can’t get it up and then him complaining that you get to lay there and enjoy sex. He forgot to buy it its not that deep.

This isn't just about the lube is it? It's about your perception of his lack of responsibility for everything. I would not be having sex if it hurts or makes me bleed. I'd be going to the doctor and possibly considering topical estrogen.

Coconut oil - Amazon. Done.

If my dh was happy to see bleeding and in pain just so he could get his end away when there is a very simple way to prevent it, I’m not sure I’d want to be intimate with him anyway.

I’d say you need to grow up and get a grip! Yes it’s down to both of you but you’re being difficult and childish.

Buy online or simply don’t have sex with him without it.

It cannot be very pleasurable.

I get your frustration as you are taking the lion’s share of responsibility when it comes to sex and this is just one little thing. But you also sound rather childish too.

I agree with you OP, its not the practical matter of buying lube, its the 'he had one job' but because it doesn't affect him, he doesn't bother. I would not have sex with him until he purchased it personally. If he carries on being a sulky child over it I'd be tempted to tell him I'm coming off the pill and taking no more responsibility for contraception as it has been my job for years so it is condoms (and lube) all the way from now on. Most men don't like them so some negative consequences would be what he deserves (note I probably would not actually do this to avoid blowing it all out of proportion as I want a happy married life but I would be tempted if continued to be unreasonable)

I'm not reading through all the responses but for those who think that the OP is worrying too much about pupil reactions, if you work in secondary and live in or near your catchment my experience is that children (bizarre though it may seem) do gossip at school about seeing teachers out and about doing normal things.

It's best to just act unfazed, but I agree with those who have suggested buying online. However, the OP is not being unreasonable in expecting her husband to buy it.

Nevertheless, I'd say that the OP needs to see her GP or Practice Nurse. At the very least, it sounds as though she needs checked to see whether she requires local oestrogen.

I work in a school and wouldn't have an issue buying lube/condoms/sanitary products. If buying lube in person isn't something you feel comfortable doing, then order it from Amazon.

I definitely wouldn't be having sex without using it. It's you that suffers, not your husband.

I'll add that the best response I ever heard to a pupil's fascination with a teacher's private life was in my first year of teaching. (1984.)

Three of us probationers started at the same time. A third year girl called out to one of the P.E. probationers: "Mr X, A ken your first name!"

"Big deal, Tracey - I know yours!"

They sell this stuff on Amazon, just buy a bottle and get it delivered in Amazon packaging? You could even do it as a subscription so it's automatically re-delivered and you never run out.

erm, Amazon…

Ffs people it’s not about the lube. Read the updates. I hear you OP - it’s the least he can do. No sex until he does.

Sounds transactional at this point.

30 minutes foreplay if he doesnt want to buy the lube ... or zero sex.

I'm now retired, but did a bit of supply until last year. For a couple of weeks I covered some classes in a school where I'd taught as a young woman. A church that I attend is in the area.

There's a Co-op right opposite, so after a service I nipped in for a few things. I was followed round the aisles by a couple of girls...

You are just creating hugely irrational and unnecessary drama around this.
If this how your relationship operates it’s not a healthy dynamic anyway and lube is the least of your problems.

Why are things like this always the women's responsibility?