AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

This is correct. When I was a teenager we always told each other if we'd seen teachers out and about. And as a teacher, experienced many occasions of "Miss, we saw you in the High St on Saturday..." and it was perfectly obvious they'd also followed me into shops!

“My husband is a good man and our relationship is strong.”

A ‘good man’ would have the snip. And you have a strong relationship because you’re willing to put yourself through pain, and also denial about his selfishness.

I think you need to decide whether you want it to be a balance where you each take turns in buying it or telling him explicitly you expect him to always buy it and if it's not there then there's no sex. My DH always buys our condoms now I think about it and I never really gave it much thought or felt like I wasn't doing "my bit" for our sex life. But your latest update sounds like it's not about the lube at all and you don't have to agree to sex even if there is lube in the house? Do you feel you have to?

Have you asked your GP for a prescription since you have a medical need for lube? I get it on prescription due to an autoimmune condition & now menopause makes that worse. I do hope you are able to overcome your fear of purchasing it in a shop so many sell it these days even pound land. Good luck.

It can be ordered online so your students will remain unaware.

This is not a hill I’d choose to die on!! Tbh I’d rather choose my own. It sounds like you’re both being a little ridiculous? Him for storming off and you for refusing to buy some lube. Do you have a joint shopping list that the lube is on? Is he purposefully not buying it or forgetting? We have a WhatsApp chat shopping list and if I was in an awkward mood I’d be sending 20 messages to the chat saying lube!!!!

This isn’t about buying lubricant. It’s about him hurting you and not caring.

YABU to not just buy it yourself and then get mad at your DH when you’re the one who wants it.

But it sounds like you carry the load for a lot of things - kids, shopping etc and if that’s the case that’s not fair and it definitely needs to become more equal.

Who does the big shop every week?

100% this… why you are allowing him to hurt you?

Buy it on Amazon and set up a subscribe and save. Then you can both chill out about it.

I think everyone saying that you should buy it is wrong. He should also have some responsibility in the sex life you share together. Cant believe some woman enable these types of men in their comments. Also if he cant get the snip then cut him off in the sex department until he does it. If family planning is over you have done your part so he needs to step up now if not then he goes dry. Iv asked my husband to remove the kids from our bed, I dont feel comfortable having sex in the same room as them so I dont. If he wants sex he needs to put the kids to bed in their own bed if not he gets nothing from me. Men need to be responsible in the relationship also, it shouldnt always fall on the woman..

He needs to step up and buy it. AND get the snip. It's easy, solves a lot of issues, and doesn't affect his masculinity in any way whatsoever.

how do men stay married when they refuse to show an ounce of consideration for their wife?? That’s what she wants here. i drink cranberry juice after sex to fend off utis, so dh always gets it for me. Sex has a health risk for me so he’s part of the prevention.

Why not buy it yourself? I always buy it.

Not quite the point but why do people still use Amazon for things they can get elsewhere? Tax dodging US company. I do use them but only when I can't find the thing I want anywhere else. And I certainly wouldn't be paying for Prime every month. Rip off

I don't think there is enough lube in the world to unshrivel my fanny from that strop.

Order it on amazon, or lovehoney. Not exactly hard. My husband was a teacher at a local school for years, he bought condoms with the weekly shop (he does the food shop), scan and go, chuck in the trolly. Can't say he has ever said to me "omg I can't buy them, someone I teach will see and know we have sex!!" well we have 3 children whilst he worked there so I'm pretty sure everyone knew he was having sex.

Hard agree with @ColinOfficeTrolley (sorry thought I’d quoted)

I’d hope that if the thread had been worded “AIBU to expect my husband to do one simple thing I asked to make sure I wasn’t in pain during sex” the replies would have been different. The embarrassment issue sort of derailed it but I’m absolutely with OP that if pupils saw her buying lube it would be mortifying.

Of course students are going to mention it to each other, that’s what secondary school kids are like. They would get great delight from telling her kids who are at the same school ‘I saw your mum buying lube!’. And don’t forget some teens don’t realise lube is sometimes needed for virginal sex, some think lube = anal sex.

If he's sulking the bedroom is closed.

Not attractive behaviour.

Just to agree with pp, go to Boots (or wherever) put it in your basket with other stuff and use a self check out if necessary. You're hindering yourself unnecessarily.
However, there seems to be a bigger picture here, and I think some frank conversations with your husband are essential.

This ⬆️. You really need to address the basic problem in your relationship.

Yup OP, I'm on it too, & seems to be working a treat. I've never had an issue with thrush until menopause, then boom!

And for PP, my thrush was treated 4 times until I got vaginal bacteriosis, antibiotics twice to clear it up. They cleared it, but it came back & I'm now on the 6 month anti-fungal. Not pleasant.

You can just order from Boots and do click and collect, they box everything. It’s not normal to bleed regularly after sex nor have regular thrush, you should see your GP and also get an STI check as he is away three nights a week…you know the saying if the dog isn’t hungry when he’s home, he’s getting fed somewhere else

I was once given a months prescription for the anti fungal PLUS a prescription for my partner. GP said in all likelihood we were passing it backwards and forwards between us.