AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

YANBU. and YWNBU to say no to having sex with him again until he's bothered buying some lube (as a bare minimum).

Him sulking when you refuse sex because you don't want to chafe and bleed (AGAIN!) is absolutely shocking.

Sulking when a partner doesn't want sex is never acceptable, but sulking when a partner doesn't want sex for a medical reason when she has already given into you and had sex more than once when her medical needs are not being met and you could easily have alleviated her discomfort by buying some lube in your oodles of free time is... just awful.

I agree he seems to want to abdicate all responsibility to you regarding your joint sex life and just wants to rock up and have fun. He's immature and inconsiderate. Bleurgh. Does he accept your diagnosis even?

This. Can't imagine my DH even dreaming of wanting to have sex that would cause me pain and make me bleed. Especially if one minute's thought and a few quid would make the issue go away.

Your DH is a selfish arsehole. Have you asked him directly why he's happy to have sex that's painful to you and makes you bleed? If you were guaranteed a great time and he'd end up with a sore, bleeding knob if you didn't buy lube (and you were too lazy to) - how keen would he be to get it on?

No lube, no sex.

Absolutely would recommend vaginal estradiol- changed my life.I used to experience the same symptoms as you and started using oestrogen and it has been so effective.

You are both being unreasonable.

He should absolutely make the effort to make your sex life enjoyable and comfortable. He is being unreasonable to expect you to have sex in discomfort and sulk.

You are being unreasonable as your stance is weird and disproportionate. Takes 2 mins to order online and nobody would notice or care if you bought some with your grocery shop.

one of you needs to just do a bulk order - we gets 3 or 4 bottles from Ann summers at a time and it lasts months. https://www.annsummers.com/sex-essentials/sex-essentials-lubes/silky-waterbased-lube-250ml/2008118NO_SIZE.html

His lack of care for you is horrible OP. No wonder you're fed up.
Re. the practical stuff (if you resolve the emotional stuff and actually feel like having sex with him again) I also think topical oestrogen might help. I have the cervical evasion too and don't bleed - it really helps - and it's essential postmenopause for many women anyway. Pure coconut oil is a nice lubricant, and nobody needs to know that you're not cooking with it. And yes he really needs to be treated for thrush too - he can take the same tablet - or you'll just be reinfecting one another.

So what, so his mum knows you have sex? What are you, 15?

He’d probably just buy lube himself to avoid his own suffering rather than making a point about it.

It’s fairly normal to want to keep your sex live private, especially with close relatives? My DD uses my Prime so I don’t buy anything sex related there.

@Orangeducks refuse sex and see how long it takes him to grow up

It sounds very unpleasant OP. fwiw I know my DH wouldnt be comfortable buying it so I wouldn't ask him. I'd go online & even use AI to find out it there are natural lubricants you can buy that are suitable for purpose & not involving specific sexual lubricants. Someone mentioned 🥥 oil although there may be other things people use 🤷‍♀️

Bu also, first - him having sex with you knowing you will end up hurt and bleeding and second - you chafe, have thrush and even bleed - is it you not being ready, or him being very rough? Or both? Its not supposed to be this way.

I agree with this. He won’t get snipped and he won’t even buy the lube? He is really a selfish lover.

DD - yes, but not parents. They are all adults?

But I guess some people are more conservative than others.

Nice glib dismissal there.

But the question was, would he want to have sex with his wife if she was dead keen despite knowing it would hurt him, and having refused or not been arsed to spend one minute sorting the purchase that would alleviate it.

This

i mean just buy it online? Thats what we do?

This isn't about the lube, is it. This is a power struggle.

She wants to have sex with him anyway though, she said that, just that she enjoys it more with lube. Obviously it’s getting more annoying for her with time but she’s choosing not to buy lube as much as he is. They’re both being lazy about this.

I'd be offering him to shag him up the arse with a strap on and no lube. He'd soon get the message.
Not that it's about lube but it just might help wake up the 'D'H and to start addressing the real issues.

Perhaps buy some lube, sex toys - some handcuffs etc. Men's sheer underwear.

Either buy some on boots or Amazon online!
If you really want him to buy it, don’t have sex with him until he does! Definitely do not have sex if it causes you pain..!!

Wow your husband is a lucky lucky man 🤣🤣🤣

I get it. It’s a tiny thing he can do to ensure your comfort.

Nothing like a sulking man to completely dry up so unattractive of them.

WRT the sex decision making - I would simply say “we won’t have sex until you have bought the lubricant”

that was my conversation with DH when discussing him having a vasectomy - no sex until after the snip. He booked the snip pretty sharpish!
and I certainly wouldn’t be having sex with someone who clearly wasn’t arsed about buying a product that would make things physically better for me.
He’s not buying the lubricant, he’s getting sex, he’s not having any medical issues - where is the incentive for him to buy it?

the practical side - order it from boots, Superdrug, Ann summers, lovehoney, anywhere that sells it if you can’t buy in person or from Amazon.

No, it’s not normal to get thrush regularly due to sex. I’ve never had thrush in my life. He needs to man up and get the snip (and the lube). He can even order it online (not Amazon if you don’t want his mum seeing the order). I totally understand that you’re fed up having to do everything with regards to your sex life running smoothly. He should care enough about your feeling and your comfort to make sure he doesn’t forget.

im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it

Hahaha get over yourself. You seem suited to a career in teaching 🤣