Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

I wouldn’t usually comment on someone using a word that doesn’t exist

But yet…

I think it’s more empowering to show our bodies to those that we choose rather than social media.,However she knew what she was doing when she uploaded. I would leave her to think through and hopefully she reaches out.

As a mother, I understand completely. Nobody wants to see a photo of their daughter in a revealing bikini on the Internet for the whole world to see.

However, she is 30 years old and I feel that your comment was probably received as you trying to mollycoddle her a bit. She is at that age where she is a fully fledged grown woman capable of making her own decisions, and dealing with the consequences of those decisions, should there be any. She doesnt need her mum telling her off for doing things shes perfectly within her rights to do.

I also wouldnt keep on trying to contact her after she said she wanted space. Just give her some space. I know it hurts but it'll be for the best in the long run. I think in future I would keep things like this to yourself; knowing that she is an adult and can make her own decisions, whether you agree with them or not. I would feel the same way about this though, and I can see you were trying to act with her best interests at heart, so I do get why you're feeling this way.

I guess it depends on what your relationship is like usually.

Yes @truepenguin. I knew that if my late Mum said anything, she always meant well and she never deliberately hurt me or put me down. Happily, I have the same relationship with my DD (20) and she’s honest with me and tells me if she doesn’t agree with something I’m doing.

Going NC over the OP’s comment wouldn’t occur to us-perhaps because I lost my Mum in my 20’s so we know that our time is precious. 🤷

How embarrassing! What happened to dignity. At this age & stage of life your daughter should know better & have more pride in herself when deciding what images she places on social media.My thoughts are she knows this but doesn't like being confronted with the truth. Hopefully she will see sense & realise her mistake in going NC with you at present.

YABU for a few reasons.

Her asking for space and then not replying to your multiple attempts to reach her for "nearly" two weeks is not at all the same as her going No Contact. People should be allowed a bit of a space in a relationship after a conflict, and it sounds like that is all she asked for. She did not say she no longer wants you in her life. So, you are being melodramatic.

You have also dismissed her feelings and stepped all over her boundaries by still attempting to contact her when she made it clear she wanted some space. You are not helping things at all. Once to apologize, sure, but then let things cool off!

The fact that you felt you could say this to a 30year old woman as well as then keep reaching out when she asked for space just proves that you have a problem giving space.

Because OP feels like she can comment on other people doing quite normal holiday stuff. I don’t think it’s normal to make up a word, so I said so. Just doing what OP did.

You sound like a mum who is looking out for her daughter. The reality is just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Having your arse out on a profile picture says a lot, a picture says a 1000 words and all that. A grown adult woman looks desperate for attention to do this, and you are right, more formal contacts could look her up and be confronted with arse. I hate the this is so empowering line spouted by women. Why is empowering always equated with taking your clothes off. Women do it for the attention, the validation, not for the power. Men don’t have to do that to feel empowered. Let her stew.

YANBU, OP. She might be 30 but she's having a teenage tantrum. My mum was still criticising my choices when I was 50, and I'd just roll my eyes and change the subject. Pointing out pitfalls (as you did) is what we do when we care!

Out of interest, if your mum had a profile pic of her bottom in a thong would you keep quiet?

I’d bet good money OP has form for making disparaging comments about her DD.

She's 30
back off

Sorry OP your daughter sounds like an idiot.

Then she’s being a bit OTT. Even if she disagreed with you, it doesn’t really warrant that reaction.

Would she be OK with you updating your profile to your version of the same thing?

If not, why not.

She’s an adult. I might have thought it but not said it out loud.
If she wants to show her bum she can.

I dunno, I think I'd like to hear her side. This could have been the final drip that overflowed a lake of resentment. Or she could just be stroppy in general.

I wouldn't want a prospective employer to see my arse in a string bikini if they were scoping my sm. It doesn't matter if it's 2026 and it's "empowering" to show my arse on the Internet. It's really crass and giving out wannabe Kardashian vibes. YANBU

It's definitely a Northern term 😁

Why should OP say there’s nothing wrong with posting when she thinks there is? Saying she misses her is fine, the truth.

Laid is pronounced that way in some regions of the UK. I expect that’s the reason why. Not sure what your reason for speaking to somebody in such a belittling tone is, though.

You did lay it on a bit thick, like she was throwing away her dream career by having a bikini pic on social media. As a mum I might make a jokey comment about it, but I wouldn't lecture a 30 year old woman on her ruining her job prospects. Your daughter is right, things are different now. Companies do social media searches, but they're looking at what people say, not whether they posted a bikini pic.

Yep!

Agree with this ! I would definitely have pointed out the same, if my 21 year old had photos of her naked bum on social media ! I don’t have a son but the same would apply.

Exactly. It’s the opposite of empowering. It’s clingy and needy. So sad.