Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

My mum would have said the same if I was 18, 30 or 50. I think she knows you’re right and is too stubborn to admit it.

Shes 30, not 13. Im 30 and most people my age are perfectly understanding of online safety and reputation. Half of my friends don’t even have socials because we all know it rots your brain. We are grown adults not teenyboppers.

The OP did not invent a word. She said her daughter was being led on to a boat. That is the correct spelling for the past tense of the verb that means taking some by the hand and leading them forwards.
The daughter sounds very immature.

I looked up 'thirst trap'. Who knew......it's a thing.

Facebook and Insta are both owned by Meta. So if you agree to have them linked then when you update your Insta PP it automatically does FB too. And when you post to the grid it goes on your FB feed. I’d imagine that’s what happened here. OPs daughter probably didn’t even realise her family would see it.

I agree. I was married with 2 children by the time I was 30. Can anyone explain why its not unusual for people in their 20s & 30s nowadays to behave mentally as if they are still teenagers & often get treated as such by their elders.

How is it empowering for other people to be subjected to a backside?

YANBU.

I would have said the same thing.

I’ve lost the post I was trying to quote. Someone asked about her body image or words to that effect.

A few years ago she did struggle a bit, she ballooned when in a relationship to a 14/16, but has been back at her usual size 8 for a while now. She certainly isn’t short of confidence and is a gym regular these days.

No I don’t think you were out of order at all. In fact, if your own mum isn’t going to pull you up on stuff like this who is? Also, very true re future employers. Sharing photos like that on a public platform is reckless and inappropriate. I think she has gone NC with you because a bit of her feels embarrassed and knows you’re right. I’m mid 20s for context.

she's 30 ffs how much older and "more mature" does she have to get before you stop judging?

Yanbu. I would of said the same thing, people don’t want to see that unless they’re creepy.

I think "put your arse away love" is an evergreen piece of mother to daughter advice, that is relevant throughout the ages.

She needs to wind her neck in and put some pants on.

She sounds immature? Based on a partial retelling from a biased party? I know which side i am on here, it is unlikely to be the whole story

Jeez she is being ridiculous

Pretty much all mothers would say the same thing you did.
Using a picture of your bum for a profile pic is not a good idea.
At 30, your daughter is entitled to use a bum picture, if that’s what she wants, but as her mother you are entitled to offer your opinion on it.
She sounds very immature. I would just let the matter be, there’s not much you can do about it now. She’ll get over her (teenage-style) strop soon, hopefully.

I think the woman coming online in the hope that people will slag of her daughter is more immature tbh

@Luceee25 what’s your daughter’s job? If it’s on Only Fans you probably needn’t of said anything.

Also, just wondering if you said it because family members also saw it and you were embarrassed of her? I would be too btw.

And I imagine this overwraught language is part of the issue the daughter has with her mother. Degraded and disgrace. Come on

Giggling at the irony- she’s an arse

Yes, family being likely to see it was definitely a factor.

ballooned
🙄

Was the photo literally just her behind? But with bikini bottoms on? I'm confused. I'm also confused that a 30 yr old is posting on Facebook. Bikini photo isn't exactly unheard of surely though I agree she's ridiculous to stop speaking to you over it.

She’s angry because inside she knows you’re right. If a mum won’t tell you, who will?!

However, I’m still learning to bite my tongue and let them make their own mistakes - one of the hardest things about parenthood. But mine are a little younger!

I read it as the daughter was water skiing i.e. literally being "led by a boat". Led is a perfectly proper word. But having re-read I think the OP might have meant that she was laid on a boat (sunbathing pose rather than an action shot).

To be fair, water skiing in a g-string would seem incredibly risky.