Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

@Luceee25 I 100% agree with you, her judgement on this seems poor…

BUT! I think once offspring are beyond the age of about 21, and/or living independently & paying their way… your opinions should only be given when asked for. (With an exception for illegality, but even then, they are an adult and can make their own choices…

I see the role of parent of an adult as someone who is ready support when needed, (within the parent’s own capacity), but generally staying out of their adult child’s way…

I suspect the main reason she is cross with you on this is because you touched a nerve, and she suspects you may have a point! But let it go, and know for next time - don’t say anything unless asked

It depends how much you comment in general
My mum is always commenting on other women’s weights, looks, ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ etc and it’s extremely irritating even though it’s not aimed at me . Sometimes comment that seem low level are the final straw

What does led on a boat mean? She was being led onto a boat and the photo is of her walking onboard but focused on her backside?

I think it was a valid comment. Her reaction was over the top.

You should be proud of raising a daughter who is proud of her body.

She's 30, unless asked I don't think there was any reason to say anything at all, she's old enough and ugly enough to learn her lesson if it happens regarding her job or future employers.
If you were my mum I'd have laughed and told you I didn't ask for your opinion.

I don't think she's gone no contact because you talked about her body, I think it's because you infantilised her by lecturing her like a child when she's a fully grown woman.

It is 2026 but people will still judge. It’s fine not to care if they do. However if she has got to 30 without being able to understand that, and instead throws a tantrum, she is clearly incredibly immature

Disagree. Posting images like this shows extremely poor judgement. If someone thinks publicising themselves in a string bikini is an appropriate thing to do on social media what’s to say they won’t think a very revealing blouse is appropriate workwear, or an incredibly short skirt? A temping agency sent us a receptionist once who has no idea of the concept of appropriate workwear and we had to get the agency to send us a different person. Awkward concept all around by no one wants to see excess flesh in an office environment.

Well if you're going to be picky, how can a human have a beak?

I'm not sure why a grown adult would think about changing their profile picture to one of their bare ass in a thong bikini bottoms, let alone do it!!! It seems rather immature, and something I'd expect an 18 year old to do!!

However, it's her profile picture, her ass and her choice! If a prospective employer (or even a current one) were to see the picture, and it gave them a less than good impression, then that's down to the choices she's made not yours.

You gave your opinion, and your reasons were valid, it wasn't welcome. You've apologised for upsetting her. I think your daughter's reaction is over-the-top and immature. You can't do any more, I'd step back and leave her be.

@Luceee25 was it like a g string type bikini bottom? I'm not a fan of those

While I think you were right in what you said, some things are just better left unsaid

I don’t think you should have said anything given she’s 30 but I think going NC for one comment is OTT unless you often give unsolicited advice?

You did nothing wrong. If your own mum can’t tell you when you make an arse of yourself then who will? She’s totally over reacted. If my mum criticised my outfit choice I’d just roll my eyes and say mind your own business and laugh.

She’s 30. That’s far too old not to know she shouldn’t be posting profile pics of herself with her bum hanging out. Is her mental health ok?

It's a bikini pic from holiday! It doesn't mean she wears bikinis to work! I've got halloween fancy dress pictures in social media, it doesn't mean I go to work dressed as a cat!

She sounds a bit of a look-at-me sort. Bare arse profile pic, ew. Give her space, let her stew if that's what she wants.

It shows that she thinks we want to see her arse. We don’t. It’s the summer holiday version of scrunch bum leggings. Sleazy and cheap. Not at all classy.

Bloody hell. A 30 year old women posts a thirst trap, quick commit her to the asylum for immoral behaviour!

Who the heck still uses Facebook
I am mid thirties and don't know anyone my age who still uses it regularly, the only people I know still posting are in their 60s, it's definitely seen as more of a older person platform by ow,no shme in that though.
So I think your daughter is quite unusual but I also think the chances of any prospective employers checking on there and seeing her are low. It's an odd choice of platform to get your bum out on though.

Social media other than MN? Or all social media?

OP I wonder if your apology whilst simultaneously ‘standing by’ your comments perhaps didn’t hit the spot as a genuine apology………

I think if modesty is a lesson you want to instil in your daughters (and that’s a big ‘if’ surely), the time was somewhat before the age of 30.

Apologise sincerely.

I agree

I don't think it was trying to be classy. Some people post pictures because they look sexy. Some people post pictures in a Parisian cafe with a book because they want to look clever.

Why shouldn't she? She's her mum. My mum never cared what age I was when she said mum things to me. A mother is always a mother . Nothing wrong with that.

I would absolutely tell my DD the same.

Employers look up SM all of the time.

If she posted it on her private page then I wouldn’t care but putting it as your profile picture is attention seeking and that does not look good to an employer.

I am assuming she’s not a teacher or anything and she’s in a strong career, so she isn’t too concerned and it probably won’t affect her but I’d still mention it.

I think she’s being a bit childish unless you are downplaying what you said to her.