Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

Um, you’re the one who feels like it’s your place to comment on the actions of a grown 30 year old woman. Bet you’re a great laugh.

What's wrong with liking your bum @TheBlueKoala you wouldn't want a friend who liked their own arse?

YANBU at all. What’s your daughter trying to achieve/prove by flashing her bum? It’s a bit attention grabby and cringy and it sounds like you were trying to do her a favour.

I wouldn’t keep chasing. You’ve apologised for offending her and reached out. Now wait and get on with your life, she’ll soon realise she’s overreacting.

It's her daughter and it's in her interest. Nothing "shaming" about it. Not all of us would be happy for our daughters or sons to show the world their bodyparts because it sends out infirmation about them that gets interpreted in a negative way. I've got sons and would say the same thing to them if they showed their arses on public sm.

You told her what you thought, you didn’t say anything nasty about her body fgs! Her reaction is OTT @Luceee25 shes having a tantrum because you dared voice a valid opinion. Don’t apologise anymore and let her get on with it.

NC, Blocking, and deleting are now the “go to” option for an entire generation. People are unable to disagree without it being blown out of all proportion. Unless someone is abusive, and dangerous, the whole “NC” bit is infantile and attention seeking …. Thing is look at loads of threads on here, the minor disagreements that people shout “go NC” over, is extraordinary.

Her bum as a profile photo. How ridiculous. Empowering, my arse (did you see what I did there?)
I'd leave her to cool off until she gets over it -and realises you are right.
While it would be tempting to give her the new nickname Bumface I would probably hold back.

Oh you can love your arse- I don't particularly fancy seeing it though so if you put is as your profile picture I would have to unfollow you.

I would say the same to my DDs. Admittedly they’re younger than your dd but I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong whatsoever in pointing out the very obvious fact that potential employers will view her dimly.

She sounds immature and her reaction suggests that she knows deep down and feels like a bit of a dick for having posted such a stupid picture.

She has degraded and totally disgraced herself OP.

Your DD's idea of empowerment is distorted as her actions have displayed the exact opposite of empowerment and this is not the behaviour of a young professional woman.

@Luceee25 are you the same poster with the adult daughter who goes away without telling you and partakes in quite dangerous sports?

I absolutely would have said the same thing. And my DC would absolutely have gone nuts over my comment. But this is why DC isn't on my social media. Because in the past, people where I work could see inappropriate things they would post on my SM. I asked them to stop, they didn't, so I unfriended.

My guess would be that your follow up post when you say “ I just felt it was a step too far and I know a lot of younger people these days are caught up in the ‘online world’ and no doubt will regret certain things when they are older and more mature.” Has come across in your subsequent apologies- you are sorry she is NC, but you stand by what you said and don’t think what you said was wrong. So you aren’t actually sorry for pointing it out- just the reaction it has caused.

Op! I had the same thing with my dd who is 28. She posted a pic of herself lying on a pavement swigging a bottle of wine and looking gone. I commented (only she could see) something along the lines of it not being great putting something like that online.. she went beserk and blocked me on Insta. She’s only just unblocked me after 6 months, having ‘learned my lesson’.

But going NC in real life is I think a step too far. She’s punishing you. You’ve apologised (not that I think you had anything to apologise for) and i personally think you need to step back now. Tell her you love her and then step back and wait.

Have you been in an interview and had a potential employer go through your social media posts? Because I have. I am well known in my field and it was a relevant discussion but chatting to the recruiters later (when I started the role) they said the HR team go through every candidates various social media profiles for various roles. A virtually naked arse wouldn’t get an interview in my line of work (professional services). Depends on what her ambitions are in life though I suppose.

You sound like a teenager.

Massive overreaction on her part unless there is history here. She sounds immature both in the way she has reacted and in wanting her arse to be the first thing people see about her on social media

"only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty."

I can only read that in Fanny Button from Ghosts voice.

I'd love to speak to your daughter because I'd put money on this not being the first time you've been overly sanctimonious or lecturing...

I'm friends with loads of people in my industry on Facebook. Plenty of them have holiday photos in bikinis. I've even seen quite senior members of staff posting holiday photos on Linkedin, which is bizarre but doesn't seem to be doing them any harm at all.

I guess it depends on what your relationship is like usually. If it were my DD I would have said something for sure, but it would have been less preachy - more like 'not being arsey but blimey, got an eyeful there, lol' or somesuch. And she would have laughed and said 'yeah, maybe it is a bit full on'. OR she might have said, 'yes i've got a nice arse' or somesuch, but she wouldn't have gone 'no contact'.

People don't like 'to be told' and sounds like your DD might feel she is being 'told'.

Going 'no contact' in real life is a bit immature though. She could just unfriend you (or whatever it is you do on FB) and crack on. (no pun intended).

You're not wrong about the photo.

You're wrong to think she's still maturing. At 30, she is well and truly a grown up. Perhaps not a particularly lovely one but precious to you. I would send her a card acknowledging it's not your place and you've learned from this. The only way you can influence her behaviour at this point is just to love and accept her. Hopefully she has a friend who will point out what you highlighted to her.

Why don't you want to be friends with people who like their bums? Surely that is the nichest friendship criterion ever?

I feel like there might be more to this from the daughters perspective….

I think you were out of line for the comment, she’s being childish by going none contact over it, and social media is the dregs.

I'd have been tempted to say the same, I'd find it cringey and embarrassing to see a photo like that of a family member on the internet.