Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

do you hate your mum?

No you were correct. It's beggy and desperate, does she often seek attention?

Did you mention this to her? She’s probably feeling hurt that you found her embarrassing.

The fact that you think she will regret things when she is ‘more mature’, despite the fact that is THIRTY YEARS OLD, speaks volumes and I suspect this isn’t the first time you’ve dished out patronising unsolicited advice to her as you imagine she’s still 17.

She is 30. She is an adult just like you. You don’t know better than her simply because you’re older. Her profile pictures are none of your business and you need to keep your beak out.

Also, you’re being a massive drama queen to describe a fortnight without speaking to you as ‘going NC’. It’s only two weeks FFS. You don’t need to speak to your adult daughter every day.

The least believable part of this is that a 30 year old would have Facebook.

How else would she get to show her arse to her old relatives?

She can feel hurt then can’t she? She’s been very embarrassing. I’d expect a 15 year old to only realise on reflection how embarrassing her actions were, but a 30 year old? Goodness!

And ‘mind your own business, you interfering old bat’ is an equally evergreen response.

She is a grown woman it’s none of your business, she is wearing what I assume is a bikini on a boat, shock horror!

I'd have said something too if it was my daughter.

To be honest I wouldn’t want my daughters arse cheeks on Facebook either, so imo YANBU. She’s stropping, she’ll get over it.

Would you feel the same if a mate said something?

not talking to you for 2 weeks does not mean she has gone non-contact.
It probably means exactly what she's told you, that she was annoyed by your comment and wants some space.

Posters talking about "the current trend" of going no contact. Well the "old trend" if you were annoyed with someone is that you just avoided them for a bit until you'd calmed down, the other person had apologised and you'd both had time to make up. You can't do that nowadays - you either have to tell them to stop contacting you, or ghost them. That's why we have this "current trend".

What is a thirst trap , I may dread the answer

She’s unreasonable reacting like she has. You’ve said sorry and I would leave it at that. She’ll get in touch when she wants something off you (money, time, etc t ). I’d then state that the way she reacted was hurtful and ask her if she felt it was appropriate- have a chat with her then and find ways back to each other. You are her Mum and have her best interests at heart. She might learn that the hard way one day.

Op just give her the space she wants yes it will hurt but she is hurt because of your comment. Op I would have done the same but more sarcastic lbut she’s obviously took the huff. Op no one wants to look at arses on a profile picture except a bf or dh but it does sound over the top no matter how good your body or bum is. It’s embarrassing that she feels the need to show it especially to family members. Hope she comes around soon.

Totally agree. Was just explaining to OP while her DD isn’t speaking to her at the moment. She’s hurt and sulking that she’s been pulled-up on being an ‘utterly embarrassing idiot’ online and in front of family members.

Going NC is both childish and extreme. I agree with you about the wisdom of putting her arse out there on social media.

I agree with this.

as her mother you were right to say it.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with what your mum said God, talk about hypercritical! That’s a perfectly reasonable & normal thing for a mother to say to their child because after all, you’ll always be her child, even at 44! I remember my grandma saying things like this to my married, 50+yr old & very sensible mum! Who now says these things to me at 41! She still to this day always says “Be careful!” as we leave the house and would continue to if she magically lived until we were 80/90+. Chill

Silent treatment is a manipulative and unpleasant way for her to express her feelings about your comments. I would be very upset if i were you too but she probably needs to just work through her own feelings and come out the other side.

When OP said she “commented” on this profile picture, she later clarified that it wasn’t an online comment, it was said privately

Ballooned? Does she get comments on her body a fair bit? Was the relationship abusive?
My middle DD (30) barely wears clothes, whenever she's on holiday, the sun is out and her pictures are on SM. I wouldn't dream of commenting. I have given opinions on party clothes, when asked, but if you aren't asked, don't comment.

I think her over reaction (going no contact with you) is because she isn't totally comfortable with her post herself but is in denial. If she was completely comfortable she would just laugh and tell you to get with the times. She has perhaps had other comments too and is defensive.

Personally I wouldn't apologise for what you said about her post. We can disagree with something our loved ones do without falling out and going non contact. If you talk I would just tell her you love her but (if she brings it up again) that you don't really want her arse on social media and if she had a child she wouldn't either. But you respect she is an adult so she'll do what she wants. Would she be fine with you posting your arse on social media or would she find that embarrassing I wonder?

@Luceee25 , i can't see that you did anything wrong. If you as her mother can't/ won't tell her the truth, who would?

If my 30 year old DD went NC with me because I told her a decision she made may not be the wisest (especially as she should know better), I would leave her be. I certainly would not be grovelling.

When she is ready to talk, then we would talk. At that point, depending on what she says, an apology from me may be forthcoming if she says it was my my tone or the words i used were hurtful to her or my body language was negative instead of loving etc