AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

I think it’s really lovely have a ring incorporating the family ring! Honestly OP.

You are absolutely entitled to feel however you want to feel.

However, your feelings don’t trump his entitlement to choose what he does with the ring that he owns.

Smile, tell him how beautiful it is, and how happy you are that he’s proposing.

Suggest he buys a different ring and leave that one to pass to his eldest child

I must say he sounds lovely op. Wanting to make sure this ring is perfect down to the exact shade.

Resale diamonds have little value unless they are quite large, and diamonds are down right now.

What is his motivation? To save a bit on the cost, bc it my not save him any if at all. If it's sentimental, that's a bit more understandable, but also harsh bc your left with a brutalized ring.

I would talk to him about leaving it intact.

Also, it seems dangerous territory to change the ring before proposing. Even if he thinks he knows what his girlfriend wants, he might be missing the mark. If they are going to change the ring then she should be involved.

Could you encourage him to propose with the ring as is and discuss with her what they do with the ring. I think it would be really beautiful to propose with an item with such sentimental value. But absolutely awful if she didn't actually like what he changes it to.

this is about money ultimately, he cannot afford to buy her the ring she would love hence the redesign. If you do decide to intervene I would at least expect you to buy it from him so he can still get her the ring he wants

i think yabu, jewellery can still be sentimental when redesigned, they will both still know where the stones come from. Much better than never wearing it at all.

A ‘peach’ sapphire, in yellow gold? Really?

Op why didn’t you get the ring?

Completely agree. If the OP has a daughter or niece, surely it would mean much more to them to wear their grandmother’s ring?

I think the ring likely means more to you than it would to any of the younger male generation so I would agree with previous posters that I would offer to buy it from him so he can put the money towards the ring they want and you can treasure the original ring.

I think it’s his ring, his choice. If he hasn’t specifically asked you for advice don’t weigh in, I think it’s lovely he is designing it for her/with her in mind.

I fail to see the issue with this? Can you expand on what your confusion is about? He showed me his inspiration picture and I think it looks rather lovely?
Let’s not yuck someone else’s yum, that’s never necessary!

I have my mother’s rings - there is no way I would let DS alter it. Was he willed it or did you pass it down to him?

My husband proposed with a family ring. It wasn't the kind of ring I had indicated I might like, so when he proposed he said we could get a different one if that was what I wanted. But it was a beautiful ring and it means so much to know it has come from his family. I also now think it's much nicer than what I would have picked!

My point is that your son's girlfriend might actually love and appreciate the ring as it is, even if it's not what she has said she would like. Could your son propose with your mother's ring as a 'placeholder' in the same way, with a choice to keep it as it is, redesign it, or choose something else?

I think it sounds absolutely lovely too.

So why would you give it to him?

Here you go store this item for me and never ever dare change it or sell it.

Not much of a gift tbh.

@Cathrube Did your son consult with you on this decision before making it? Whilst it was given to him if he made this choice without even running it past you I think that is just as hurtful as changing the ring. I think it’s sad to change the ring but at least something positive will come from it.
But I do wonder if some of your upset is from the fact that he didn’t check how you would feel about the idea.

I completely agree. You wouldn't say a house that you inherited had to stay the same because of the memories, it will be creating memories.

Not that the o.p can't feel sad about it

This! All rings in our family have been passed down to the females in the family. I wouldn’t want to be proposed to with a ring from someone I’d never met. Much better for the ring to o go to a granddaughter who’s more likely to treasure it. And it doesn’t have to be her engagement ring, just a nice family heirloom.

I inherited my mother and grandmother’s engagement rings and whilst they were lovely, there was no way I could wear them with my own engagement ring. The styles were too dated and it would have looked weird to wear 2 engagement rings. I went to a jeweller and we redesigned the gems into a new ring along with the stone from another, non-engagement ring. The 3 stones blend together beautifully in the design, and I feel like the ring brings together my nan, my mum, and me.
You might not have the original setting in a new ring, but you can still honour and remember the history behind it in a new setting. If they do change it, perhaps get some lovey photos taken so you can keep that memory too. It’s the 1 thing I wish I had done.

He has been talking to me throughout the process of consulting jewellers etc.
I wouldn’t say he asked though, more told! But then it’s his ring, my mother left it to him specifically not me.

I would feel sad too though I’m impressed at your DS putting so much thought into the design.

I think sadly this is just a risk that comes with passing jewellery down. When my beloved grandmother died, my sister was given her wedding ring (my DMs decision, there was no will). She has adult sons and I hope it won’t just be discarded in future by their wives if they marry. I wish I had it for my DD who is named after my grandmother - obviously I would never voice this out loud though.

I would look into making a little charm or simple ring from the unused band - perhaps this could be passed on to a future grandchild?

Ooh that’s tough. I think it’s on him to decide. I inherited my grandmother’s ring and I took the diamond and had it made into my wedding ring. There is no way I would have worn it as it was and I think my grandmother would love that I have her diamond on my finger for the rest of my life (hopefully).

My mother left it specifically to DS, she was meticulous in dividing up her extensive jewellery collection, it was made very clear who was to have what.