AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

Why would any female blood relation yet to be born have a sentimental attachment to the ring of a woman who died many years before they were born and even more years before they were old enough to wear jewellery?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing It’s not being taken apart for scrap! It’s having the diamonds reused! Do keep
up and appreciate the difference!

What is no one ever wants to wear it though? Should it just sit in a drawer for eternity? Some rings just aren’t very nice. I actually inherited one of those. Touched it was my grandmother’s ring but honestly it just sits in the jewellery box. Whilst I know styles can come back into fashion I don’t think this particular one will.

I mean presumably for the reason I wear my great grandmother’s ring.

Did you ever meet her?

@Aluna You might be sentimental but I prefer to have my style of jewellery. I very much like antique pieces but I don’t hang on to things for the sake of it. I’ve given away most of it to DDs and they like what I’ve passed on but I would not exact them to wear something just because a relative owned it. They have to like it or it’s remodelled! But - if it was a superb piece with exquisite design and a great maker, it stays as it is. We’ve never inherited anything of any great value though! I’ve bought decent antique jewellery and my DDs would be mad to change the pieces!

Too late now, but I wouldn’t have given it to him. I would have let him know there was a ring that he had first refusal of, if he was ever to get engaged.

If he keeps it for a future DD/DNiece, that's another 15-20 years unworn in the drawer, with no guarantee that the young woman in question (if she is ever born!) would have any interest in the style either.

It never belonged to the OP to give or to grant first refusal on. It was left directly to DS 1 by his DGM.

Everyone has their own take on this but personally I dont see why basically destroying the ring to use the diamonds in a completely different ring is preferable to it lying in a drawer. My mum had an old ring my dad gave her, it wasn't to her taste and needed expensive repairs so it languished in a drawer for years. She gave it to me before she died and I love it, my dds love it too. Styles can come back into fashion, the older jewellery is the more potential interest in it further down the generations, at least in my family anyway.

I will make a note to myself that if I leave any jewellery etc as a specific bequest, the recipient is welcome to sell it, repurpose it or frisbee it into the sea.

I would rather any of those things than it living in a drawer indefinitely.

And you can never tell, the aquamarine of grannie's looked like piece of dress jewellery, described by mother as a ghastly piece of glass, and it was set in an inelegant yellow band. Mother gave it to dd with a ton of costume jewellery for her dressing up box. I nearly put it in the charity bag when we moved. Changed my mind and bunged it in the door thingy in the car where it languished for a few years, although noticed it was hall marked.

I took it to Richard Ogden when I had my engagemwnt ring repaired. They weren't sure it was genuine but it was - all 12ct of it - and quite fine too :)

It’s not just the style of a ring that matters though, it’s quality. And who wants a ring you don’t like as an engagement ring? Almost certainly no-one. If this ring was a 2 ct diamond in platinum, a classic design, it would be different but a smallish cluster isn’t to everyone’s taste and maybe doesn’t reflect its new owners’ personalities either. I’d expect my DDs to remodel or sell my pieces but they are, if I say so myself, worth having.

This is really hard. I can definitely understand your feelings about this (and would likely feel the same), but as you said, it's ultimately his choice. I currently have a friend going through something similar to this on the other side.

My friend's fiancé lost his mother soon after they began dating, so only met once or twice early on. He inherited one of her earrings, with the idea to use the stone as the center of an engagement ring. The stone was not at all what my friend had ever envisioned for her engagement ring, she had previously shown him lab diamonds that she absolutely loved, and the ring he had made is not at all flattering on her hand. Her feelings about it are that her preferences were secondary to her fiancé's, and that it is more important to him to see his mother's stone on her hand than for her to have a ring she loves. She feels like it would be different if she had had a relationship with his mother but she did not, and that her ring is about her fiancé and his family rather than the two of them starting out a marriage together. She would have absolutely loved to wear the stone perhaps set into a small pendant as a delicate necklace, etc.

I wonder if your son's fiancé would feel similarly if he proposed with your heirloom ring as is, that her preferences weren't considered and that what she likes is secondary. These conversations are so tricky and there are so many strong feelings involved.

Breaking up a for eg Cartier ring from the 30s for the stones or something like a piece of Arts and Crafts jewellery where the design and craftsmanship are everything is not good (although A&C is usually semiprecious and silver, thankfully)

Reusing the diamonds from a ring that will otherwise live in a drawer as a halo for a new ring is different. It's also very usual, Prince Philip had the late Queen's engagement ring with some of the stones from his mother's last tiara.

I wear my grandmothers's wedding ring from her nearly 6 decade marriage, never left her finger, as my own. 22 ct court cut, 3 guineas in 1917. I would have to be literally starving to let it go, I'm not unsentimental about these things, but what your son is planning is lovely and the ring will live on.

Could you 'buy' the ring from him? at its value of course.

Its his ring that he wants to use the diamond from why on earth would he sell it.

People on this thread keep acting like its not his ring that belongs to him just because he inherited it 😅

My daughter was given her paternal great grandmother’s engagement ring - even my MIL didn’t like it and she told her to do whatever she wanted with it. Her partner had an engagement ring designed for her using the stones and adding a few more - it’s absolutely stunning, and it made my MIL beyond ecstatic that the ring was now being repurposed instead of sitting in a drawer. I’ve given my other daughter my wedding and engagement rings with exactly the same instructions to do whatever she wants with them, although she loves them as they are.

I think it’s a lovely idea! Thinking of doing the same with 2 rings I’ve inherited and my broken engagement ring from dh.

This is a great use of the inherited ring. Your mother left the ring to your son and he is giving it new life by remodelling it to suit his fiancés taste and style. She is connected to your mother and your family via the ring but she has put her own stamp on the ring. This is as it should be. No point having an old fashioned ring or leaving it in a drawer unworn.
Having said that, your son should really consult his fiance in the redesign. An engagement ring is such a personal and symbolic piece. He should propose with the original ring and then offer to have it remodelled to her taste with her involvement. She might want to keep it as is, especially when she realises the sentimental significance of the ring, or she might like to have it reworked. The important thing here is choosing the right manufacturing jeweller. The longevity of the ring will hinge on their skill, expertise and experience

You know what you should ask him for it.
You never know their might be a Great Granddaughter at some point in the future

It's clearly sentimental to you, means little to your future DiL, and DS won't be wearing it.

Great idea. Will the @Cathrube then contribute to a new engagement ring?

I agree

Yes essentially buy it from him.
Op is clearly upset that the ring is essentially going to be destroyed as neither the son or girlfriend are sentimental about it.

It might look dated and old fashioned now, but we all know fashions go round in circles another few years and it could be fashionable again in a generation. Or even worn as a dress ring.

Op please as him for it.

@Dumpspirospero the GF has been sending the DS pictures of rings she likes. It is between DS and GF how the proposal happens and he/she may want it to happen with the real ring.

I wouldn’t have wanted to be proposed to with a ring that wasn’t to my taste if I had discussed the things I liked with my husband to be first,